Re: That Article but also just relationships, something I’ve learned over 14 years of marriage is that there are lines and walls. Lines can be negotiated and compromised around. You hate their mom. They don’t like ironing. These are lines.
Walls are things that no matter how convenient it would be be or how logical you are, cannot be changed or negotiated. If your partner is bi, for instance, you can’t convince them to be straight. If your mom was killed by bees, you will probably never share their love of bees.
Partnerships can run into real trouble when they treat walls as lines, especially when the partner with a wall is treated as irrational or burdensome for something they can’t change. Health is a wall. If you have cancer, you can’t be talked out of it, or compromise on having it.
For people with high-risk conditions who don’t want to get sicker, Covid is a wall. It’s not stubborn intransigence to avoid getting sicker. However, everything in society is insisting it’s a line. Including many of our partners, friends, family, coworkers, and leaders.
Being a good partner or friend to someone high-risk right now is not just about respecting that they have a wall they cannot negotiate. That’s the floor. It is about getting pissed the fuck off that everyone else is insisting it’s a line. And supporting that with your behavior.
I can’t imagine taking up space in a national publication to talk about how hard missing social events is for you when your partner has the whole world telling them they are crazy and stubborn their life isn’t worth living. Equalizing your lines with their walls is…not great.
If you’re the healthy one in a mixed-health relationship (so far), remember that all their precautions are protecting you, all your risks are endangering them. And while everyone is guilty of petty, selfish thoughts - how much space those take up in the conversation is a choice.
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