Thread by @shevereshtus

I am glad I’ve opened twitter this morning and saw what the current discourse is:

The oppression of Sefaradim in the US by Ashkenazim.

Finally, I can vent my horrible pain and discuss my daily oppressions; a thread.

Just now, I woke up and tried to get a decent cup of coffee. Not a single place actually prepares Turkish coffee! Not a single bakery offers fejouela, you can’t find any decent baklava, and what they called burekas is an abomination.

You start your day and it’s ruined already.

We are getting closed to Shabbat, so you know, maybe I should do some shopping?

Oh, wait, unless I’m willing to pay over $50 I’ll get some boutargue and it’s going to be already dry! And forget about finding Arak, it’s all grain alcohol with anise flavor! And no bukha!

You might complain I’m being too fancy, but it’s not like I can buy any decent matbucha anywhere, I can’t walk in a caterer and get fried fish in red sauce, and in general it’s not like anyone here knows that cumin, turmeric or paprika are a thing!

It’s a daily nightmare!

Even if I try to forget about it, I’m going to walk in synagogue and instead of having an old man in the corner who shushes everyone and makes sure the minyan davens at the exact speed with the exact piyout he grew up in in Meknes in 1938, people are just rushing through prayer!

And do you know how much I’ve had to pay chiropractors for back problems because of how many times I’m primed and ready for barechu at the end of Maariv and then it just never happens except on Friday night?

And don’t get me started on Friday night

People invite you to their house for Shabbat, but no one serves salmon, there’s no phtkeila anywhere, I don’t think anyone here can spell couscous or has ever heard of apricots. If you ask for cigars, they look at you like you’re a crazy person who wants to smoke at their table

Oh and if by any chance you went to a Henna, they’ll spend the entire meal starting at your hand wondering why you haven’t washed them properly. There’s not even a faint dafina smell to make you feel better. It’s pure absolute torture.

And not one of them can sing Judeo-Arabic.

Pesach is coming and I’m gonna be alone muttering chad gadiya in the corner. They’ll look at me like I’m insane when I do bibilou. And they don’t have a single old lady who is going to open up their house for mimouna.

I can’t even think about the Shavuot “desserts” coming up…

The oppression of Sefaradim in America is truly a tale of cosmic horror, where every moment piles on oppression after oppression until we can’t take it anymore

I will now put on some Samy el Maghrebi and reflect on living through some of the hardest times Jews ever lived through