I was told in 2019 in a private conversation with a very prominent PhD gender critical feminist that platforming Hayton was a way to have a political strategy that was acceptable to the left.
I was told by a woman who is part of the organising Committee for one of the original
GC feminist groups that yes, hypothetically they would platform my ex if the situation required it and his leftie political credentials were acceptable.
These conversation described above, may be shocking coming, as they did, from feminists but they were at least honest. They admitted although didn’t quite articulate it, that putting our exes before us (transwidows) was deliberate strategy.
As feminists though, they can never say this publicly because it shows that the women in the grassroots who they purport to speak for are not their priority.
I was told in Twitter DM by a prominent Scottish group that they would continue to share articles by an AGP man because it was useful in recruiting women to the cause.
I started warning people that this strategy excluded the very women most affected by this ideology in 2018.
Gentry left women who perpetuated this strategy need to reflect firstly on the damage it has done to women like me and other trans widows and secondly on how it was a shit strategy all along.
They were never accepted by the left as a result of it. They were groomed and used as a stepping stone by an AGP man who is much cleverer than them, and all this could have been avoided if they had listened to the women at the sharp end.
Alternately if they think their strategy was successful and throwing trans widows under the bus was worth it, they should say so.
The groups who have ended up being right about this are those who put women, children and safeguarding first, such as us, @NoXYinXXprisons @SafeSchools_UK and @StandingforXX
The gentry left need to realise that rather than identifying as our leaders, they can learn from us lessers, particularly on topics that we are expert in and they are not.
I wrote this in August 2019, and should thank @terfasaurus for publishing it.
The feminists who ignored it should be honest about why:
@terfasaurus Oh it’s also worth adding that I only got to have the private conversation mentioned in the first tweet in this thread because I was paying for it.
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🧵Trans widows don't have much time, its in the nature of our position to be working single parents, so I resent the recent rush of men who seem to feel they've a claim on my time all of a sudden because they've finally caught up with something we've been talking about for years.
As I've been tagged in this I will give it half an hour of my very valuable time in cased anyone is under the illusion that TWV was consulted in this article or cooperated with it- we were not.
Nothing is of less interest to us than navel gazing over why our perpetrators do what they do. The battle to keep the conversation even 50% about us often seems completely hopeless.I'm confused why a network for survivors is tagged in an article about perpetraors but here we are
Preferred pronouns should not be used by feminists as a reward for perceived moderation. Doing so says to #transwidows “we disagree with genderism over all, but we’ll call *your* ex a woman if he acts nicely to us”.
And women who are able to tweet under their real name (often because they are making a living from this so it’s in their interests to do so), should not look down on those of us who have to be anonymous here, for our own safety/ livelihood
Because then this becomes a class issue where those with the financial and physical security to be able to take the risk are seen as automatically superior to those of us who cannot.
Trans widows know all about disgust, we feel it when our husbands start growing their nails, and shaving their bodies, and wearing secret frilly knickers to work. We try to overcome the disgust at first to keep our families together, but it’s always there.
We’re told we shouldn’t feel disgust, that we’re seeing the real them, who we should love.
Trans widows feel disgust when they’re coerced into sex with husbands dressed in tacky women’s clothes and using strap ons but they’re told not to kink shame and to do it if we love them.
Repeatedly as the situation escalates we’re told to overcome our disgust and that it’s wrong and cruel and unloving for us to feel this entirely involuntary emotion.
The most notable thing about the article by Jan Morris’s daughter is that anybody’s surprised by the neglect and emotional abuse. Newsflash:it’s still there even if the perpetrator is clever or is one of your social class. We’ve been telling our stories. Why haven’t you listened?
The assumption that a wife or a child who is silent about this, was somehow happy with it, is a convenient way for people to cop out of dealing with what we go through.
And to cop out of confronting the fact that even in their social class, or their profession, or in their political tribe, the abusive dynamics of this remain the same.
For some time we have been predicting that when our exes begin to detransition it will result in just another round of attention and sympathy causing further silencing of #transwidows theblaze.com/news/former-tr…
100% the usual AGP story, tried on sisters clothes in adolescence, got married, had kids, successful career, late transitioner yada yada yada profilesinpride.com/kristin-beck-c…
If detransitioners are serious about atoning for the damage they have done to themselves and others,they need to have a long and serious period of reflection and learning. Swapping the affirmation of one side of the debate for the other does nobody any favours. Least of all us.