As we approach the End of an Error (hey, that's a good name for a book!) I'm doing #14YearsInTory
There will be a long thread for every year they've been in office, with 2016 split in two.
This is part 2 of 2016, picking up immediately after the referendum.
There will be a long thread for every year they've been in office, with 2016 split in two.
This is part 2 of 2016, picking up immediately after the referendum.
1. The Brexit referendum was held on a Thursday
2. By the next Monday, total stock market losses were £2.17 trillion. TRILLION
3. That’s enough to pay our EU membership for 241 years
4. Shares in UK banks fell 30%
5. The pound fell to its lowest level for 30 years
2. By the next Monday, total stock market losses were £2.17 trillion. TRILLION
3. That’s enough to pay our EU membership for 241 years
4. Shares in UK banks fell 30%
5. The pound fell to its lowest level for 30 years
6. The Bank of England had to stump up £250bn in borrowing to stabilise markets
7. Our global credit rating was reduced again
8. Which meant debt repayments on that new £250 were even higher
9. And that meant we had even less to spend on the NHS and other services
7. Our global credit rating was reduced again
8. Which meant debt repayments on that new £250 were even higher
9. And that meant we had even less to spend on the NHS and other services
10. There was a five-fold increase in hate crime in two weeks
11. It settled down … to a 20% increase over the next 5 years
12. Google UK’s most searched terms in the week after the referendum were “What is the EU?” and “What does it mean to leave the EU”
11. It settled down … to a 20% increase over the next 5 years
12. Google UK’s most searched terms in the week after the referendum were “What is the EU?” and “What does it mean to leave the EU”
13. In other words, we didn’t know what we had, or why we gave it up
14. Boris Johnson got pissed at an aristocrat’s house and wrote a Telegraph column saying, “There is no need to invoke Article 50” (to leave the EU)
14. Boris Johnson got pissed at an aristocrat’s house and wrote a Telegraph column saying, “There is no need to invoke Article 50” (to leave the EU)
15. He assured us that the UK had nothing to worry about from immigration
16. He promised that now we had left the EU, “British people will still be able to go and work in the EU; to live; to travel; to study; to buy homes and to settle down”
16. He promised that now we had left the EU, “British people will still be able to go and work in the EU; to live; to travel; to study; to buy homes and to settle down”
17. Nigel Farage retired from public life and said “I won’t be changing my mind again, I can promise you”
18. He’s a man of his word
19. Michael Gove said “I do not want to be prime minister”
20. He then stood to be prime minister
21. He’s also a man of his word
18. He’s a man of his word
19. Michael Gove said “I do not want to be prime minister”
20. He then stood to be prime minister
21. He’s also a man of his word
22. Gove said Johnson was – and I’m paraphrasing, but only slightly – a shambolic bullshitter who couldn’t be trusted with anything of value
23. Boris Johnson heard that his deputy (and emotional support turbot) had turned on him as the Sex Yeti was announcing his candidacy
23. Boris Johnson heard that his deputy (and emotional support turbot) had turned on him as the Sex Yeti was announcing his candidacy
24. So Johnson stood down, which was hilarious
25. And then Gove lost his bid, which was hysterical
26.And then he was sacked by the person who was: accursed avian monstrosity Theresa May, which was simultaneously uproarious and terrifying
25. And then Gove lost his bid, which was hysterical
26.And then he was sacked by the person who was: accursed avian monstrosity Theresa May, which was simultaneously uproarious and terrifying
27. May claimed she “had the answers” to what happened next, and when pressed for details revealed that “Brexit means Brexit”. Kewl, kewl
28. She then tried to outwit the EU negotiating team by basing her plans on the Dulux Colour Chart: a “red, white and blue Brexit”
28. She then tried to outwit the EU negotiating team by basing her plans on the Dulux Colour Chart: a “red, white and blue Brexit”
29. After 330,000 people had died in pursuit of austerity, it was abruptly cancelled in favour of a new fantasy
30. The new chancellor said he would “have to spend like hell” to stop Brexit bankrupting us, so massive state debt was now fine again
30. The new chancellor said he would “have to spend like hell” to stop Brexit bankrupting us, so massive state debt was now fine again
31. In 2016 alone, the Tories added £372 billion to our national debt – equivalent to £3600 every hour since the Palaeolithic era
32. And speaking of Palaeolithic, Boris Johnson was appointed Foreign Secretary
32. And speaking of Palaeolithic, Boris Johnson was appointed Foreign Secretary
33. Der Spiegel wrote: “Haha! Boris Johnson as foreign minister. I can’t stop laughing. The Brits are crazy.”
34. The former Swedish PM tweeted, “I wish it was a joke, but I fear it isn’t”
34. The former Swedish PM tweeted, “I wish it was a joke, but I fear it isn’t”
35. The Sydney Morning Herald - who honestly didn't have a horse in this race - said Johnson should “be removed from Conservative Party plotting at Westminster and allowed to get on with being a travelling circus”
36.Johnson's first job as the nation’s top diplomat was to apologise to Turkey for writing and publishing a poem in which he'd called the country's president a wanker who has sex with goats
37. Angela Leadsom claimed “Tourists are buying bottled English countryside air for £80 a go”, which was astonishing news, but not as astonishing as the fact that not one person fetched a van containing a big net and some tranquilisers
38. The Tories cut the minimum size for a home
39. WE already had the smallest homes in Europe
40. And the most expensive except for Monaco, where the average wealth is $2.1m per person. Housebuilders were the Tory Party's 2nd biggest donors
39. WE already had the smallest homes in Europe
40. And the most expensive except for Monaco, where the average wealth is $2.1m per person. Housebuilders were the Tory Party's 2nd biggest donors
41. The Tory Party conference hosted an event called “Solving Poverty the Conservative Way” at which a G&T cost more than the hourly wage of the people serving the drinks
42. The next day a report showed 250,000 additional children living in poverty
42. The next day a report showed 250,000 additional children living in poverty
43. So the Tories abolished the Child Poverty Unit
44. Now that’s how to solve poverty the Conservative way!
45. Sajid Javid claimed “massive progress” in meeting Tory housebuilding targets
46. The National Audit Office reported they hadn’t built any homes at all. Not one.
44. Now that’s how to solve poverty the Conservative way!
45. Sajid Javid claimed “massive progress” in meeting Tory housebuilding targets
46. The National Audit Office reported they hadn’t built any homes at all. Not one.
47. Theresa May had to offer, in secret, “unconditional” funding to Nissan to stop them fucking off to mainland Europe
48. The EU employed 33,000 staff across 28 countries
49. The small-state Tory party had to employ an ADDITIONAL 30,000 civil servants just to cope with Brexit
48. The EU employed 33,000 staff across 28 countries
49. The small-state Tory party had to employ an ADDITIONAL 30,000 civil servants just to cope with Brexit
50. A leaked govt report said “there is still no plan for how to achieve” Brexit, despite all the "research" carried out by the "European Research Group"
51. So the govt demanded the BBC play God Save The Queen after Newsnight. That should do it!
51. So the govt demanded the BBC play God Save The Queen after Newsnight. That should do it!
52. Jacob Rees-Mogg, the exact physical intersection between a cursed dildo and the concept of gout, said we should scrap workplace safety
53. He said regulations in India were safe enough
54. Workplace deaths per year in UK: 111
55. In India: 48,000
53. He said regulations in India were safe enough
54. Workplace deaths per year in UK: 111
55. In India: 48,000
56. Every single former health minister since 1988 signed a letter condemning the govt for failing the mentally ill
57. Early deaths among those with mental illness had fallen every year from 1988 to 2010
58. They’d risen every single year since 2010
57. Early deaths among those with mental illness had fallen every year from 1988 to 2010
58. They’d risen every single year since 2010
59. Chief Brexit negotiator David Davis – so good they named him once – said “What’s the requirement of my job? I don’t have to be very clever, I don’t have to know that much”
60. Well, that's convenient
60. Well, that's convenient
61. Liz Truss said prison guards were able to scare away drones by making dogs bark at them
62. And Theresa May banned one of her own ministers from entering Downing Street because they’d made fun of her leather trousers
62. And Theresa May banned one of her own ministers from entering Downing Street because they’d made fun of her leather trousers
That's part 2 of 2016.
2017 coming later today
There is one of these threads for each year since 2010 (look for the hashtag #14YearsInTory).
My forthcoming book “Tories: The End of an Error”, is available to order, due ASAP after the election.
unbound.com/books/tories-e…
2017 coming later today
There is one of these threads for each year since 2010 (look for the hashtag #14YearsInTory).
My forthcoming book “Tories: The End of an Error”, is available to order, due ASAP after the election.
unbound.com/books/tories-e…
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