First, the rap sheet. This is the legacy of 14 years of Tory rule. Nothing works, because nothing they did worked, because none of it could ever work because they were fundamentally wrong, or at best incoherent:
Now, the angry online Right - the most stupid people in Britain - may be around at some point to tell us that Real Conservatism Has Never Been Tried.
That the Tories 2010-2024 were actually leftists.
But Tory tax rises were actually to plug budget gaps their failures had left.
And the rise in immigration latterly seen under the Conservatives was a desperate attempt to plug labour shortages in key services and industries, which is what happens when you do things like paying care workers absolutely sod all because austerity requires it.
Anyway, the Tories' ideological cult of Thatcherism, combined with a strategic need to oppose New Labour from the Right, meant the Tories either didn't realise or outright ignored that Blair and Brown sought to pursue their aims within a broadly Thatcherite economic model.
Then there's the 2008 financial crisis. The reasons for the banking crisis went to the heart of Thatcherism - but as it hit under a Labour government, the politics of it played out very differently:
Therefore, when the Tories won power in 2010, they - consciously or otherwise - misdiagnosed the problems the country faced. They acted as if Britain had an overregulated statist economy with profligate public spending, hardline unions and welfare dependency
None of it was true
The Tories misdiagnosed Britain with mythical diseases and administered treatments that acted as toxins, like chemotherapy without the cancer.
It is no surprise that it all went to shit.
But the ideology that lies across the Tory spectrum is not just central to their worldview - it's at the heart of their identity
Honestly confronting this wholesale failure would mean a crisis of identity, and need a huge change of direction
Easier to just double down:
There's little to suggest the Tories can overturn the iron rule of British elections - that no government loses power without an economic crisis first.
But it could be even worse for them than that:
Fourteen years ago the Tories pretended that it was 1979 all over again. It wasn't. They eked out a far longer term in office than their record remotely warranted
And 2024 isn't 1974. The country isn't drifting towards the Tories' fundamental worldview - quite the opposite
For 14 years, the Conservatives were given chance after chance by an absurdly patient electorate. They blew it because they were wrong. Eventually they’ll have to confront that. Until they do, they’re lost in the wilderness. bloomberg.com/opinion/articl…
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While I wait to fall asleep, some thoughts on the election results.
Labour achieving such a giant majority without increasing its vote share in England or Wales from its catastrophic 2019 defeat is extraordinary. It does not follow that this was mere accident or luck, however
Had Labour not detoxified its brand - had the prospect of a Labour government still sparked widespread concern as it did in 2019 (and, to a lesser degree, 2017), the right wing vote would have been much likelier to unite, and the LDs would not have marched through the Tory South
We know this because... that's literally what happened in 2019 - the right wing vote united and the LDs flopped. You might not have seen a Farage/Tory deal as in 2019 (unless Labour had pledged to rejoin the EU or something), but there'd have been less of a civil war on the right
NEW: The government is telling migrants who have lived in Britain for decades to provide proof for every year of their residency as part of its controversial transition to digital visas
By the end of 2024, non-EU migrants with indefinite leave to remain will need digital eVisas to prove their residency rights, rather than the current physical Biometric Residence Permits (BRPs)
But many people - up to 200,000 of them - don't have BRPs as they arrived so long ago
They will also have to transition to eVisas, but the Home Office says they need to apply for a BRP first before they can access their eVisa.
The Home Office says they should make what's called a No Time Limit application for a BRP - and this is where things get messy
So, you know the score. Labour is miles ahead in the polls - and we shouldn't overlook what a significant achievement that is given where they were in 2019.
But there's no great "enthusiasm" for them and in a handful of seats that they ought to win, they look vulnerable
But what does this mean? Well, for this general election it means they're perfectly placed - winning votes where they need them, losing votes (mostly) where they can afford to lose them. Their vote is spectacularly "efficient".
NEW: The DWP is rejecting more than 40% of applications for PIP disability benefit from people with multiple sclerosis, cerebral palsy and arthritis – and one in four applications from amputees
Thousands of applicants with illnesses such as cancer, PTSD, schizophrenia and emphysema were turned down by the DWP over a six-month period
The data shows the difficulties faced by people with fluctuating conditions when applying for PIP theguardian.com/society/articl…
45% of applications based on multiple sclerosis are rejected
“Instead of looking at cost-cutting measures, the government urgently needs to improve the PIP process so it accurately reflects the reality of living with unpredictable conditions," said Charlotte Gill of @mssocietyuk
Hundreds of thousands fewer disabled people could receive cold weather payments under the Conservatives’ planned post-election disability benefit reforms, according to a leaked internal government report.
Cold Weather Payments (CWP) are top-ups worth £25 paid to people on low incomes for each week of freezing weather between November and March
Disabled people qualify for them if they 'pass' the Work Capability Assessment (WCA) - but the Tories plan to scrap the WCA post-election
Scrapping the WCA will mean that to access any disability benefits, disabled people will need to pass the Personal Independence Payment (PIP) disability benefit test instead.
Perhaps unsurprisingly, the thread gets worse from there - a roll call of Tory hotdogging. SEND ‘golden tickets’ - check. Blame the ‘middle classes’ (this, apparently, is what Tories do now) - check. ‘Oh noes the statutory duties’ - check.
‘These service pressures are what happens when you slash early intervention and increase destitution in the name of austerity’ - ahahahahaha no