Thread by @Doranimated

The anti-Israelis are melting down over the amazing military successes of the Jewish State. I am starting this thread, called "The Dumbest Take." Please feel free to nominate dumb takes on the war -- and also on related matters. Let's cast the net wide. The goal is amusment.

Here's nomination number one: Matt Duss. He used to be the foreign policy advisor of Bernie Sanders. He has one issue, and one issue only, and he feels very passionate about it. By the way, what's the difference between Bernie Sanders (who is Jewish) and Donald Trump (who is not)? Trump has Jewish grandkids.

Here's take two: Ben Rhodes. Rhodes cried in front of the cameras when Trump won. This is what passes for a serious take on foreign policy in Washington. As President Trump says: It's sad, so sad.

Take three is my favorite so far. It's Tucker Carlson. He says "thousands of Americans would die." And "We'd lose the war that follows." He offers this fear mongering drivel in the name of figthing the fear mongers! Donald Trump has already said explicitly that Tucker Carlson does not speak for MAGA on this issue. Tucker Carlson's view, you will notice, is identical to Bernie Sanders' and Barack Obama's, but he depicts it as the very essence of MAGA. Some fraction of young MAGA supporters follow his lead. I say to them: Listen to the president instead.

Take four comes courtesy of @BartschKayla, whom nominates American Conservative magazine. Andrew Day at that esteemed publication wants to teach Israel "who's boss." Did Andrew reveal tmi about his private fantasies? Perish the thought. He's a serious intellectual.

Take five has already sped past Tucker Carlson to take the frontrunner position. It comes from Daryl Cooper, aka "Martyr Made," the man whom Carlson lauded as "America's finest living historian," or words to that effect. I prefer to think of him as America's most problematic pinkie. Watch the pinkie here. Somehow I find it revealing, but I can't put my finger, so to speak, on why.

PP (problematic pinkie) is a raving antisemite, and like most antisemites he's at great pains to claim that he is not. He has many very dumb takes and I won't rule out the possibility that he will end up competing with himself for the top position, but here's my nomination today. Notice that he claims to be arguing with "professional anti-semites," then he trots out all the favorite themes of professional antisemites: dual loyalty, controling the media, controlling the government, etc. He should get that pinkie looked at.

@BartschKayla Take six is a doozy from @RedWhiteBlueJew, who nominates Ian Carroll. Llike Tucker Carlson, Jeffrey Sachs and others, Carroll justifies being angry at Israel by asserting that there was a good deal to be had with peace-loving Tehran. This fable never dies.

Take seven, nominated by @AnamaMOSS, causes me pain. I really admire Matt Walsh. He's funny, and in leading a campaign against mutilating the private parts of children, he is doing God's work -- seriously. But his take on Israel-Iran is dumb. In his tweet below, the phrase, "one random Middle East country after another," is a tell. He probably knows little about the subject. He succumbed to the classic temptation of the talking head, the desire to have a witty take. You aren't obligated to opine on every subject. You can sit some out.

Take eight, Alon Mizrahi, comes to us from @POTerritory. Mizrahi is an Israeli peacenik, an author with a very strong critique of Israeli society based on familiar leftwing views. He's entitled to those opinions, of course, but when he lets them influence his analysis of the military balance, he enters into dumbest take territory. This tweet will not age well.

Number nine is Curt Mills' hot take on Trump's decision to step back and urge Iran to cut a deal directly with Israel. Mills would have us believe that Netanyahu is leading Trump around by the nose. On almost ever other issue, Trump seems to have a mind of his own. Why on this issue is he so easily manipulated? Mills leaves the answer to our imaginations. What oh what could it be?

@BartschKayla @RedWhiteBlueJew @AnamaMOSS @POTerritory Number ten is Dan Bilzerian, with whom I am unfamiliar. I have no idea what he is claiming in this tweet. He gets credit for having the most off-the-wall contribution so far.

@BartschKayla @RedWhiteBlueJew @AnamaMOSS @POTerritory Coming in at number 11 is a strong competitor from the International Crisis Group and the NYT, Mairav Zonszein. Her name rhymes with fine mind. Poor thing, she suffers from Bibi Derangement Syndrome. Many a fine mind has been destroyed by this horrible sickness.

Our panel of judges debated whether Josh Rogin of the Wash Post deserves to be nominee number 12. Strictly speaking, Israel’s miraculous successes against one of the ugliest enemies of the US are not what shorted Rogin’s cerebral circuits. But we are casting the net wide. We aim to amuse, and to capture the full spectrum of stupidity in display today. Trump Derangement Syndrome is the cause of Rogin’s particular aneurysm. Another fine mind fried by this horrible killer. So sad.

Lucky 13 is Candace Owens. She is jealous of Tucker. He was already the frontrunner in our contest while she had yet to be nominated. But Candace is nothing if not resourceful. She earns a very respectable place in our contest by accusing the president of exerting inappropriate influence over our proceedings. Worry not, Candace. We will not let Trump determine whether you are less kooky than Carlson!

Wow. What’s going on at the American Conservative? Despite the richness of the English language, I strain to find “le mot juste.” I resort instead to a neologism: “Déjà Himmler.” That’s when you encounter someone you have never met before and you get an eerie feeling that he rushes home after work to his secret closet packed with Nazi memorabilia. When I look at the pictures of the nerdy dweebs at the American Conservative, I shudder with Déjà Himmler. But perhaps my jump to unseemly fetishes is unfair. Perhaps we should look to substance abuse. Will someone who knows the boys please go over and check on them. Either way, an intervention is in order. Nomination 14, the entire editorial board and the donors.

Take 15, Ken Roth, comes to our attention thanks to @GeraldNGOM. In Tehran, the Israelis are striking not civilians but Iranian transporter erector launchers that shoot ballistic missiles into Israeli cities. Iran's targeting of civilians is a war crime. Its placement of TELARS in civilian areas is a war crime. Shooting back at TELARS in civilian areas is called legitimate self defense. Ken Roth lives in Mad Hatter world.

Take 16 brings us to Stanford’s Mike McFaul. Back when Tulsi Gabbard was up for confirmation, McFaul perceived a national security threat: she was too soft on Iran (along with its patrons, China and Russia). But now that Trump has overruled her, precisely for being too soft on Iran, McFaul is still unhappy. Now he perceives the nefarious hand of Bibi. Where do Trump and Bibi derangement combine to create a super mind virus? Academia. Pity the students.

Take number 17 belongs to Alex Jones. A vulgarian, he offers us this crude antisemitic image of the Jews as demons raping our women. Personalities that are naturally drawn to conspiracy theories almost always embrace classical antisemitism. Jones is consumed by resentments. Such people cannot but envy the talents and successes of the Jews.

Steve Bannon comes to us with dumbest take #18. Israel's strike on Iran, says the oracle, “isn’t about the nuclear program,” it’s just Bibi trying to “save his job.” No, sir. Among Israelis—left, right, and center—this is only about the nuclear program. Even Yair Lapid, who despises Netanyahu, said: “On this, he was right.”

Israelis see this as existential.

Bannon also omits two key facts: 1) During the election and after the election, Trump consistently promised to stop Iran’s bomb. 2) Israel isn’t asking for the invasion of Iraq 2.0. They want one strike—Fordow, buried deep, where Iran's nuclear program remains intact. No boots on the ground. One bunker. A unique chance.

So why is Bannon boxing Trump in with this lazy conspiracy theory? Why is he making it harder for Trump to keep his word, all while pretending to support him?

At last, we’ve received a submission from an international organization. IAEA chief Rafael Grossi comes in at #19 to reassure us that there’s no evidence Iran was building a bomb—and, by implication, that Israel is the aggressor.

Grossi’s logic is rooted in Zeno’s paradox. The swift Achilles races the tortoise, who has a head start. But Achilles can never catch him, Zeno taught, because he must first go halfway, then halfway again, and so on—an infinite series. Trapped in endless halves, Achilles never arrives. The tortoise wins.

Grossi, clipboard in hand, tells the tortoise: “Don’t worry. The science is settled. Achilles will never catch you.” And he gives the same assurance to Israel about Iran: “They’re always enriching uranium, testing delivery systems, reconfiguring centrifuges—just never quite building a bomb. Always halfway there. Don’t worry!”

As for me, I prefer to quote the frog, who, just before dying in the boiling pot, sounded a lot like Grossi:
“There’s no evidence of a systematic attempt to boil me. The water just keeps getting warmer.”