Thread by @NiallHarbison

I’ve suffered my whole life from depression and anxiety. I have both really bad today.

I thought I’d try explain my typical symptoms so other sufferers or their friends and family can understand it better.

This is what depression feels like… (1/12)

1. Indecisive / poor concentration. I can’t even decide to walk from one side of the room to another. Should I open the curtains or not?

An hour can pass deciding if I should take a shower. Achieving even the most trivial thing like feeding myself is hard to accomplish (2/12)

2. People scare me. The smallest conversation or bumping into anyone today is my nightmare. Even a friendly hello from a barista is terrifying.

It’s not just real life. The sound of my WhatsApp or a phone ringing terrifies me. (3/12)

3. The physical toll is huge. A general sense of exhaustion. Lifting the head off the pillow is tough.

It’s not tired like a hard week at work. Anxiety leaves the body drained. Like a phone on 1%. There is nearly nothing left to give (4/12)

4. Along with exhaustion comes all the niggles and Aches. Sore back. Headache. Dehydration. It all adds up and comes at once.

My heart will start racing and my muscles twitch as a panic attack hits. These can turn into cramps in legs. You think you are going to die (5/12)

5. Everything is a catastrophe . Instead of being my normal upbeat self everything is a disaster in my head… My life. My health. My whole being.

But even small things like the weather or traffic are all built into huge disasters that seem life threatening (6/12)

6. The tiniest things irritate my massively. Today I was angry because a lovely server poured me water three times (leave me alone FFS).

My dogs Hank and Chance who I love even irritate me so much just by looking at me for a walk. My nerves are on edge all day. (7/12)

7. Self loathing is huge. I know I have a great life with purpose, dogs and endless praise from people. Every day I feel blessed.

Today though I hate myself and I’m useless at what I do. I hate my unhealthy lifestyle and question everything (8/12)

8. Sleep becomes hugely irregular. I feel like I could sleep for a week but can only get fitful sleep with vivid nightmares at night.

Then out of nowhere in the day my body will collapse and have a deep 5 hour nap. The body doesn’t know if it’s coming or going (9/12)

9. I’m moving like treacle. Everything feels like there is a fog around me and as if I’m in slow motion.

I walk down the street looking at my feet hoping nobody will see me. Every step feels like it takes a week. A walk to the toilet is hard work. (10/12)

10. Nothing makes me happy. I’ve taken the day off which is rare so I should love Netflix. Sports. Reading. Etc but I can’t get one ounce of joy from anything.

There’s a general sense of sadness at everything. There isn’t one thing I could do that makes me happy today (11/12)

I’m very lucky I’ve been through this many times. I know the fixes and what not to do. It’ll pass as it always does.

I wrote this to hopefully help others. It’s taken me 25 years to figure much of this out. The more it’s talked about the better ❤️
(12/12)

I share more of my journey with dogs and depression on my insta.



A follow there would mean the world as it helps me help more dogs 🙏🥰 instagram.com/niall.harbison