Post

How to get URL link on X (Twitter) App

On the Twitter thread, click on or icon on the bottom
Click again on or Share Via icon
Click on Copy Link to Tweet
Paste it above and click "Unroll Thread"!
More info at Twitter Help

Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

Jul 26, 2025 • 10 tweets • 4 min read • Read on X

Scrolly

You think you're “too nice,” “too intense,” or “too anxious?”

It’s not your personality.

It’s trauma—hiding in plain sight.

Here’s how to spot it—and heal it in your body, not just your head. 🧵 (by a PhD psychologist)

Most trauma doesn't show up as flashbacks.

It shows up as tension, overthinking, burnout, irritability—everyday symptoms we normalize.

Your body remembers what your mind can’t explain.

And healing doesn’t start with insight.

It starts with safety in the body

Dr Gabor Maté

People-pleasing isn’t kindness.

It’s survival.

If you learned that love was earned by being useful, agreeable, invisible—

You became an expert at abandoning yourself.

It’s not your nature. It’s your nervous system stuck in fawn mode.

Perfectionism isn’t high standards.

It’s shame, dressed up as ambition.

When mistakes brought punishment or withdrawal, your body learned:

-To brace.
-To overachieve.
-To never let your guard down.

That’s not drive. That’s a trauma reflex.

Chronic overthinking looks like intelligence.

But often, it’s just hypervigilance.

You scan, plan, fix, control—because your system is wired for threat.

Your thoughts are doing the thing your body doesn’t feel safe doing:

Feeling.

Mood swings, shutdowns, irritability?

They're not just “personality.”

They’re signs of a nervous system stretched beyond its tolerance.

When growing up, if:

-Chaos was the norm
-Calm seldom happened
-Emotions were absent and/or volatile

Peace will seem impossible.

“I can’t relax.”
No kidding.

Stillness felt like a trap.

So your body keeps moving, fixing, performing.

Because the moment you stop, the stored pain gets loud.

This isn’t laziness or brokenness.

It’s protection.

Here’s the truth:

You can’t think your way out of a trauma that lives in your fascia, breath, and gut.

The work is somatic.

-It’s slow
-Its body-based
-It's raw and deeply real.

It’s not about controlling emotions—it’s about learning to feel safely.

Dr Stephen Porges

That’s what I teach in my free 5-day course—Emotional Integrity 101

Not self-help fluff. Not mindset hacks.

Just real tools to help you stop working around your fear—

But truly feeling it.

And finally letting it go.

offers.drbobbeare.com/emotional-inte…

https://x.com/drbobbeare/status/1949107558733509063

👉Thanks for reading.
👉If you enjoyed this, please follow me and repost the first post (below).
👉Reply with your thoughts on body-focused healing.

https://x.com/drbobbeare/status/1949107558733509063

• • •

Missing some Tweet in this thread? You can try to force a refresh

This Thread may be Removed Anytime!

Twitter may remove this content at anytime! Save it as PDF for later use!

More from @DrBobBeare

Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

Jan 30

You’re not “easygoing.” You’re not "too nice".

You’re stuck in a trauma loop of people-pleasing and overthinking.

You learned to stay safe by staying small.
Now you can’t tell what you really want.

Here’s the truth—(most therapists won't tell you): 🧵

In my 25+ years as a psychologist, I've learned:

People-pleasing is the compulsive need to prioritize others' comfort over your own needs.

It's not kindness—it's a survival response developed in childhood when your authentic expression was unsafe.

The popular understanding frames people-pleasing as a bad habit..."Just say no."

This completely misses what's happening in your body and brain.

People-pleasing and overthinking are survival tactics developed to keep you safe.

They're not bad habits—they're trauma responses.

Read 13 tweets

Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

Jan 24

A friend once said, “You’re selfish.”
I said, “Would you rather I be you-ish?”
He didn’t get the joke.

Then he added, “You’re self-centered.”
“Where would you have me be centered?”
That didn’t help either.

A thread on healthy selfishness 🧵

Underneath the jokes, I knew what was happening.

I’ve been on both sides of that moment.

When I’ve accused someone of being selfish, something in me was usually hungry—

For attention, care, or love I hadn’t given myself.

When people say “you’re selfish,” they often mean:
“You’re not doing what I need.”

Old needs resurface in present moments.

They look for a place to land.

They usually land on the nearest relationship.

Read 12 tweets

Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

Jan 23

Healthy sex and love feel different in the body.
Not dramatic.
Not addictive.
Different.
🧵

Let’s talk about what health looks like in relationships.

Especially for those of us with sex and love shadows.

Which is all of us.

Healthy sex and love shows up:

-In our priorities
-In what we tolerate.
-In how we stop the constant chase.

It changes everything important.

SPIRITUALITY IN SEX AND LOVE

A connection with something larger than our urges changes how we love.

Whether its a 12-step group, a (healthy) religious practice, or in a trauma healing circle...

We have to find that "spiritual feeling" we were chasing through sex and love.

Read 9 tweets

Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

Jan 21

You don’t just remember trauma.
You relive it—every day.

In your posture.
Your reactivity.
Your inability to relax.

Here’s what The Body Keeps the Score reveals—and how to finally heal it (by a PhD psychologist):🧵

Most people think trauma is only what happened to you.
More importantly, it's what happens inside you.

Our nervous system gets stuck on high alert.

It’s the body bracing for danger that’s no longer there.

"Trauma comes back as a reaction, not a memory." ~Bessel Van Der Kolk

Traditional psychology got a lot wrong.

They taught us to only talk about and analyze trauma.

Understanding and remembering is important.

But we must also address how It lives in our nervous system:

Read 11 tweets

Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

Oct 31, 2025

60%+ of adults had Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs).

This doesn't even include more subtle forms of trauma like family enmeshment.

The more ACEs, the higher the risk for depression, addiction, autoimmune disease, and even cancer.

These wounds don’t fade with age—they embed in the nervous system.

You can’t grow out of them.

You have to grow through them.

That's why I created the free course, "The Inner Child Toolkit."
See below. 👇👇

Read 4 tweets

Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

Sep 6, 2025

This is Viktor Frankl.

• He survived 4 Nazi concentration camps
• Wrote Man’s Search for Meaning (16M+ copies sold)
• Developed Logotherapy: the “therapy of meaning”

Here are his 7 timeless lessons on finding purpose when life feels meaningless: 🧵

Before we begin:

Some statistics about the current state of mental health globally:

• 280 million people have depression
• 301 million people have anxiety disorders
• 1 in 10 people report their life feels meaningless

Frankl’s wisdom provide a timely perspective for us today:

Lesson 7: Find your Why

Frankl: “Those who have a ‘why’ to live, can bear almost any ‘how.’”

In 2025, most of us don’t feel tired—we feel empty.

We numb with work, substances, and dopamine hits.

Your nervous system doesn’t need more distractions. It needs a reason to keep going.