You don’t over-apologize because you’re nice.

You over-apologize because your nervous system was trained to equate conflict with danger.

“I’m sorry” isn’t a habit.

It’s a trauma reflex.

Here’s how to break the cycle and reclaim your voice—(by a PhD psychologist): 🧵 Up to 70% of adults have experienced at least one traumatic event in their lives (SAMHSA).

Even seemingly mild trauma can have long-term effects.

Over-apologizing is often a survival mechanism—not accountability or repair.
Dr Josh Mirmelli

Trauma isn’t just in your head—it’s in your body.

Science shows trauma can alter gene expression, shape stress responses, and even be passed down to future generations.

Here’s how to break the cycle and rewire your system for good (by a PhD psychologist):🧵 U.S. National Academy of Science called trauma "An unrecognized epidemic".

• 75% of people worldwide are affected by it
• 70% of adults in U.S.A have experienced trauma in some way
• 66% of kids have experienced 1 traumatic event by the age of 16

You’re not “easygoing.” You’re not "too nice".

You’re stuck in a trauma loop of people-pleasing and overthinking.

You learned to stay safe by staying small.
Now you can’t tell what you really want.

Here’s the truth—(most therapists won't tell you): 🧵 In my 25+ years as a psychologist, I've learned:

People-pleasing is the compulsive need to prioritize others' comfort over your own needs.

It's not kindness—it's a survival response developed in childhood when your authentic expression was unsafe.

Why has modern therapy failed so many people?

In the 1950s, Dr. Alexander Lowen made a radical discovery:

The root of emotional pain isn’t in your mind—it’s in your body.

His work flipped psychology upside down and changed how we understand trauma and healing forever 🧵 Before becoming a psychiatrist, Lowen trained as a gymnast and dancer.

He didn’t just study movement—he felt its power.

This deep connection to the body gave him an intuitive understanding most psychologists lacked:

We are our bodies—not just minds with meat suits.

If your nervous system is stuck in fight, flight, or freeze…
No amount of therapy, meditation, or journaling seems to help.

One small comment can still trigger panic, rage, or shut down.

Here’s how to rewire trauma patterns in 7 days—not years (by a PhD psychologist):🧵 Most people think trauma healing takes years of talking about your past.

But what if that’s keeping you stuck in the very state you’re trying to heal?

Because trauma isn’t just stored in your memories.
It’s stored in your nervous system.

Does the phrase “Inner Child” make you cringe a little?

You're not alone.

But that cringe is shame—born of trauma.

Neuroscience now confirms: 𝗘𝗔𝗥𝗟𝗬 𝗘𝗠𝗢𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡𝗔𝗟 𝗪𝗢𝗨𝗡𝗗𝗦 𝗟𝗜𝗩𝗘 𝗜𝗡 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗕𝗢𝗗𝗬.

Here’s why it matters — and how to heal: 🧵 The ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) study found:

- 60%+ of adults have at least one ACE
- Higher ACE scores = higher risk for depression, addiction, and even cancer.

Until we heal, it stays alive in our nervous system.

And causes most of our problems.

Dr Amen explains:

I've been a trauma and addiction specialist for 25 years.

Trauma doesn’t cause addiction.

It’s comforting to think that if we just heal our wounds, the addiction will vanish.

Nope. The truth is complex and far more inconvenient. 🧵 We reach for substances and other self-soothing to numb the pain of trauma.

But using a substance or behavior to cope is not the same as becoming addicted to it.

Most who endure trauma don't become addicts. And most people who use —even heavily—do not become addicts either.

Most parenting advice today is upside down.

We’re told not to pick up crying babies. Use timeouts. Be firm and detached.

But Dr. Gabor Maté says, "If you don’t get the first three years right, you’ll be doing damage control for decades."

Here’s why: 🧵 60% of American children under age 5 are in non-parental care for much of the day

Children need attachment to survive.

A child’s brain can’t handle an attachment void.

Most therapy focuses on your past.

But one Holocaust survivor changed everything.

Dr. Viktor Frankl endured 3 years in Nazi concentration camps—

And discovered a truth that rewired modern psychology: 🧵 After the war, Frankl developed 𝗟𝗼𝗴𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗮𝗽𝘆.

Focused on our primary drive.

𝗠𝗘𝗔𝗡𝗜𝗡𝗚

He proved the power of purpose in the worst conditions.

Codependency is not just a quirk of personality - it's an addiction.

Neuroscience has shown how it affects the brain.

Excessive people-pleasing changes our chemistry, and we get addicted to it.

It's serious - here's why: Science has found that the brains of people with codependency have been rewired.

It starts in childhood with distracted parenting, affecting the "mirror neurons" in the brain.

"Attentive parenting leads to becoming autonomous adults." Viladarga, 2012

Exhausted?
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a thread Workaholism is a thing. Sometimes we joke about it and even have pride in our obsessive "work ethic." Too much focus on work is a way to hide, is the biggest cause of stress, and is a huge problem for many. Here are some questions to ask ourselves:

THE IMPACT OF UNCONSCIOUS PARENTING
a thread series on parenting and trauma “Members of dysfunctional families give up their ego boundaries as a way to maintain the family system. Giving up ego boundaries is equivalent to giving up your identity.” - John Bradshaw

TOP 11 PARENTING MISTAKES
a thread series on parenting and trauma "The greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of the parents." Carl Jung

"TRAUMA" - OVERUSED?
Whatever you call it, it's driving the boat
a thread POPULAR
Trauma - a word with many meanings. It's been at the center of my healing work for 25 years. I'm glad the world is catching on to its importance. But anything that becomes popular can lose clarity and depth as a concept.

I'M SMART
I'M TOUGH
I GOT THIS
I DON'T NEED HELP

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SEX AND LOVE SHADOWS - 5 signs
a thread series Sex and love are hard topics to talk about. We idealize romantic love and only joke about sex. Many of us struggle mightily with these aspects of life. My next few threads will bring this topic out of the shadows. Here are a few of the signs of sex and love addiction.

BOUNDARIES OR WALLS?
4 types of boundaries
a thread Boundaries are misunderstood. Many of us imagine a force field or wall. Others think it’s a corny recovery thing that doesn’t apply to them.

DISCIPLINE - GOOD LUCK WITH THAT
a thread “Do not train a child to learn by force or harshness; but direct them to it by what amuses their minds, so that you may be better able to discover with accuracy the peculiar bent of the genius of each.”
― Plato

Traits of Adult Children of Dysfunction
(Which is all of us)
a thread WE ALL HAVE IT
Whether our conditioning included abuse, abandonment, or normal family enmeshment, we are all children of imperfect humans. When we were young we were sponges for everything we saw and were told. It is affecting our ability to live authentically.

WHY IS IT SO HARD TO ASK FOR HELP?
a thread "No matter our status, wealth, or determination, we all depend on others for physical, emotional, and spiritual support.” - Brene' Brown

13 FAMILY DYNAMICS THAT CONTRIBUTE TO TRAUMA
a thread UNDERSTANDING FAMILY TRAUMA
The ways that we have been conditioned do not all look the same, but they share a common thread: Shame and abandonment. Shame is the driving force for most of our conflicts in relationships, careers, and parenting.