Thread by @notcapnamerica

I'm about to tell you the most ridiculous story of petty revenge you've ever heard. It starts with a 911 call, involves planted drugs, a lot of white nonsense, and ends with two suburbanites in prison. Buckle up.

February 16, 2011. Irvine Police get a frantic call. A man reports an erratic driver at Plaza Vista Elementary School. "I'm very concerned," he says. "She might be under the influence."

"I saw a car driving very erratically," the caller continues. "It looked like they had something tucked away in the car behind the seat. Drugs. All over the place." He perfectly describes a white PT Cruiser and says the driver's name is Kelli.

Police rush to the school and find Kelli Peters - beloved PTA president, volunteer mom, the kind of person every school dreams of having. They ask to search her car. She immediately agrees because why wouldn't she? She's literally never done anything wrong.

But plot twist: they find marijuana, Percocet, Vicodin. Just sitting there in her backseat like she's running a suburban pharmacy. The officer puts the drugs on TOP of her car for everyone to see - teachers, kids, parents, her own daughter watching in horror.

Kelli drops to her knees sobbing. "Please put them away! They're not mine! My daughter is watching!" She's getting questioned for two hours at an elementary school. This woman who probably returns extra change at the grocery store is being treated like a drug dealer.

Kelli's friends and colleagues are shocked. I mean she is a bit of a free spirit/hippie so maybe she uses marijuana at home and just forgot it was in her car? But the other drugs? And on school property? This could be a felony.

The police grab the K9 unit and search Kelli's home. But they don't find any corroborating evidence tying her to the drugs or any evidence she's involved in any illegal activity. Kelly insists she's being framed and someone planted the drugs. "Do you have any enemies?" the cops ask

"Enemies? No. I'm just a PTA Mom."

But the principal stops her.

"Wait, Kelli. You do have enemies."

Now let's rewind exactly one year. February 17, 2010. Meet the Easters - Jill (Berkeley Law) and Kent (Stanford undergrad, UCLA Law), both high-powered attorneys in their Irvine paradise. Their 6-year-old is in after-school tennis, and Jill arrives for pickup.

Here's what actually happened: The kids were lining up to go outside after tennis, but the 6-year-old was slow to join the line, and stayed behind to help clean up. By the time he tried to catch up, the other kids had already gone out and the door got locked behind them. The poor kid was stuck inside, distressed.

The tennis coach found him and walked him to the front desk where his mom was waiting. When Jill Easter sees her upset child, Kelli explains what happened: "He was just slow to line up with the other kids." A completely reasonable explanation for a normal childhood mishap.

But Jill Easter's Karen brain heard something entirely different. This woman immediately decided that a PTA volunteer just called her child SLOW -- mentally deficient. And proceeded to have what can only be described as a complete public meltdown over an innocent word choice.

"HOW DO YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT?!" she's screaming at this volunteer mom. At an elementary school. In front of everyone. She pulls out her iPhone and starts filming. "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?" "WE'RE GOING TO RUIN YOU".

After trying to deescalate eventually Kelli retreats and leaves the scene

Jill goes home to her UCLA Law-educated husband (Kent was Stanford undergrad, UCLA Law) and tells him this PTA peasant disrespected their bloodline. These two lawyers decide this woman must be destroyed. Not just fired. Not just avoided. Completely eliminated from their child's universe.

What follows is a year-long harassment campaign. Letters to the principal demanding Kelli be fired. Standing in parking lots handing out anti-Kelli propaganda. Multiple lawsuits claiming she threatened murder. MURDER.

They really took this woman to court claiming she was trying to kill Jill. The Kents (both attorneys) spent months upon months filing lawsuits and legal motions to destroy Kelli's life and bankrupt her with legal fees. But they weren't done yet.

Back to February 2011. The Easters have spent an entire year plotting, and now it's time for the grand finale. Kent calls the police department switchboard (not 911 directly - he's trying to be clever about tracing) claiming to be "Vijay Chandrasekhar."

But here's where these criminal masterminds really showed their Ivy League intelligence. The drugs get tested for DNA. Kelli's family? Nothing. Zero. Clean. But Kent and Jill Easter's DNA? All over everything. These graduates forgot about basic forensics.

Police trace the call to a hotel business center next to Kent's law office. Hotel cameras show this man walking in exactly when the call was made. Oh, and get this - he was doing a racist Indian accent and used the name of an actor known from the Broken Lizard movies.

Oh, but there's more. Turns out Jill's been having an affair with a firefighter named Sean for two and a half years. When police approach him, he's so over her nonsense that he agrees to wear a wire. Even her side dick thinks she's lost it.

June 2012: The reckoning. Kent Easter gets arrested in traffic with his kids watching. This partner at Stradling law firm getting perp walked. Gets escorted out of his fancy Newport Beach office with nothing but a cardboard box. The fall from grace is spectacular.

At trial, Kent's defense is truly something special. His lawyer basically argues: "Your honor, my client is a pathetic cuckold who was manipulated by his cheating wife into committing felonies against a PTA mom." The defense literally used the word "cuckold." Imagine that closing argument.

During the investigation, police had to assign a special master to go through over 20,000 emails on Kent's BlackBerry alone. Twenty. Thousand. Emails. Meanwhile, Kent gets promoted to FULL EQUITY PARTNER at his law firm while under investigation. The privilege is astounding.

The evidence is overwhelming. His DNA, his voice, his phone records, hotel footage. This man still claims he's innocent. He would rather go to prison than admit he lost his mind over someone saying his kid was slow to line up. The pride is astounding.

Jill tries one last manipulative move at Kent's retrial. Claims she went deaf in jail and needs a special TV screen to read questions. The judge said "Ma'am, use sign language like everyone else." Even the court system is tired of her performance art.

During the civil trial, Kent finally cracks. Representing himself (because why hire competent help), he admits he "very stupidly" planted the drugs. After years of lies, he confesses only when facing financial ruin. The audacity is breathtaking.

Jury awards Kelli $5.7 million. Kent owes $1.5M, Jill owes $2.1M. Both get disbarred. Their marriage implodes. All this destruction because they couldn't handle their kid being described as "slow to line up."

But wait! Even after losing, these people try to hide their assets by gifting them away so Kelli can't collect. They literally gave their house to Jill's father to hide $171,000 in proceeds. Kent also files for bankruptcy. Shameless to the very end.

The final insult: During the civil trial, Jill is MIA because she's living it up in Havana, Cuba with a new romantic relationship. She started in January and couldn't be bothered to show up to court. Meanwhile Kent sits alone at the defense table representing himself.

The aftermath is peak comedy. Kelli writes a book. Jill changes her name to "Ava Everheart" and goes on Dr. Phil denying everything despite pleading guilty. Kent appears on Jeopardy in 2021 like he didn't destroy multiple lives over elementary school drama.

The lesson here is that some people are so pathologically entitled that they'll commit actual felonies rather than accept that their child experienced five minutes of normal childhood inconvenience. These people really exist among us.