The deepest proof of care is when a person lets you disturb their patterns, that’s when you’ll know they’re invested in you. See, ppl confuse effort with investment. Effort is flowers, dinners, late night calls. Cute, yes. But effort doesn’t always cost someone anything real.
Investment disrupts patterns which costs them their identity. Which demands a person shifts their story to weave you into what was once only theirs. Most ppl don’t want to admit how terrifying that is. To invest in someone means admitting they now have power over your narrative.
If they leave, they take part of your imagined future with them. That’s why so many keep relationships at “surface level consistency” present, affectionate, even loyal but never opening the gates of real inclusion. Bc once you’re included, you’re dangerous.
Let’s stop being afraid to require depth especially in dating. Look for these subtle shifts:
Do they only share their present moments with you, or do they invite you into their future decisions?
Do they only share their present moments with you, or do they invite you into their future decisions?
When you ask where they’re heading, do they get vague or do they open the map, even if it’s unfinished?
Do they adapt to make room for you, or do you constantly adapt to fit into their path? Most of us don’t see this bc we’re hypnotised by attention. And attention feels like investment when you’ve been starved.
This is where most of us break our own hearts, we sense the absence of investment but convince ourselves to wait it out. We whisper: “They just need more time… more healing… more clarity.” Meanwhile, the years pass, and your life sits in suspension.
It takes courage to say: “I don’t want to be scenery in your life. I want to be part of the path you’re building. If you can’t offer that, I’d rather walk my own road than decorate yours.”
If someone is not weaving you into their path, it’s bc they don’t want the cost of reorganisation. And that’s their choice. But it’s your responsibility to see it without numbing yourself. Your role is not to persuade,beg or stay on standby for a path that may never appear.
Your role is to decide: Do I want to be background music, or a co architect?
And if the answer is co architect, you must be willing to withdraw your investment from anyone who won’t invest back.
And if the answer is co architect, you must be willing to withdraw your investment from anyone who won’t invest back.
The cruelest way to waste your life is to sit in someone else’s waiting room, hoping they’ll one day let you in. If you’re in a similar dynamic & struggling to let go, download my ebooks below
beacons.ai/afsarosette
beacons.ai/afsarosette
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