One of my fave quotes: “Just keep living. If you live long enough, it’ll all make sense.” Bc life doesn’t hand you understanding when you demand it. It hands you confusion. Then time. Then patterns. Then contrast. Then more time. Then if you’re willing, clarity. Let me explain… My take from this is.. stay long enough in the story & life will hand you the missing pages. Sometimes torn, stained or beautiful. But you’ll finally see the thread. Bc some ppl do come back.

No one teaches you how to admit you might be addicted to the hope of someone. Nor how to stop being loyal to someone who isn’t emotionally equipped to receive what you’re offering. Some part of you knows that. Let me explain…. A lot of ppl are afraid that if they stop hoping, somehow they’ve failed. You haven’t. Sometimes chemistry doesn’t equal compatibility. At some point, you’ve got to stop clinging to the potential of what this could be, & look at the reality of what it is.

You’ll never heal if you keep romanticising the person who hurt you. Bc ppl don’t change just bc they find someone new. They continue to do what they’ve always done until someone asks for more. That avoidant ex you couldn’t get close to, is still avoidant. Let me explain. Until the newness fades and their avoidance is activated again. Even if it looks like they’re more open with the new person. Even if it looks like they suddenly know how to communicate. It’s not real change. It’s the honeymoon phase. And you went through it too.

Saw a post that said “A man will build the illusion of forever to enjoy the convenience of now.” You see, you become obsessed with clarity whilst trying to reconcile 2 conflicting truths. He made you feel chosen & now he’s making you feel delusional for believing it. And that’s the trap. You’re not grieving a man just your own ability to believe yourself. And then the shame kicks in bc deep down you knew. You saw the subtle signs but ignored it. Bc that early version of him, the one who saw you, chased you, felt like hope.

I’m gonna hold your hand when I say this: Healing isn’t just about feeling better. It’s about becoming better at feeling. The podcasts, gym, your routine isn’t the only work you’ve got to do. Learn how to regulate when you want to get harsh. Let me explain. Learn how to stay in the moment when everything in you wants to flee or shut down. Bc the ego will have you thinking you’re evolving just bc you’re alone. Learn to repair as intimacy requires it. The other things help, yes.

I don’t know who needs to hear this but date someone who actually follows through. Bc we live in a world obsessed with beginnings. There’s a diff between someone who promises with emotion & someone who shows up in practice. Many of us confuse effort with energy. Let me explain.. Date ppl who want to sustain something bc it requires more than chemistry. More than timing.
It asks for self awareness. Emotional regulation. Inner work. There’s a diff between someone who wants access to you & someone who’s ready to be shaped with you.

If you’re someone who craves emotional depth… you’re actually more prone to attracting people who fear it. Those who love deeply often attract those who avoid deeply. Let me explain So when you come in soft, expressive, and emotionally fluent, it confuses them. Their body says: I want this. Their trauma says: Run.

It’s not urgency you should be measuring. It’s clarity. See, it’s not about how quickly he moves… it’s about how certain he is while he moves. Let me explain..

https://twitter.com/tutututuulip/status/1942826802726199696

A man can look consistent & still be emotionally ambivalent.
He can check in. Make plans. Say all the “right” things.
And yet if you listen closely, you’ll feel the gap. between his words & his willingness. The softness in his tone but the hardness in his follow through.

Once you learn identity manipulation, you can’t unsee it. It’s someone locating a part of themselves they can’t stand & projecting it into you. If they’re deceptive, they’ll accuse you of lying. If they’re avoidant, they’ll say you’re the one running. It’s deeper than gaslighting For example some ppl won’t just emotionally gaslight you…
They’ll rewrite your story in front of you.
All bc you dared to name the wound they created & how they treated you. Then they’ll tell you that you’re dramatic, confrontational, negative

Love is a mirror. When it’s real it reflects back. It was never about your efforts. It was about their capacity. There’s a fine line between being patient with someone’s wounds & sacrificing yourself at the altar of their inability to show up. If you keep excusing their absence…their indifference, their inability to meet you in the love you freely give, who’s showing up for you?

The more you explain away their shortcomings, the more you shrink your own needs.

The biggest ick isn’t just someone who lies. It’s someone who lies to themselves. A flip flopper, fantasy addict, emotional con artist. A validation addict & emotionally unavailable love bomber who performs closeness but has no real anchor inside. Let me explain: It’s the man who will swear up and down that he never loved his ex, that you’re different, that he’s ready, that he feels something deep with you he’s never felt before… only to run back to the very thing he claimed to be done with the moment you walk away.

If you pay enough attention you can tell when someone isn’t really feeling you. They can be completely obsessed with you & still ghost you. Interest & attraction aren’t moral indicators. If you really want to know who they are… wait. Let me explain; Don’t just listen to what they say they want. Watch what they prioritise when it costs them comfort. What they nurture when your needs aren’t easy. What they protect when you go quiet.

There’s a moment in healing that feels like a crack in the simulation. When the process stops being about cutting cords with your ex, & starts being about tracing those cords back to the source. The father who never stayed, the mother who never saw you. Let’s get into it; The father who never stayed, the mother who never saw you. The ones who taught you through silence, absence, or emotional starvation. That love is earned through waiting, bending, appeasing… or worse, disappearing.

I saw a post that said: “The problem is they gave me a flower & I handed them my whole garden.” If that ain’t the truth. But let me tell you: You’ll lose ppl when you stop handing over your garden. But you’ll also stop losing yourself. Let me explain: You’re not hard to love. But you might be addicted to proving you’re lovable. There is a difference. See, some of us aren’t giving the whole garden bc we’re generous. You’re giving the whole garden bc you don’t know who you are without giving.

You’ll never obsess over someone who actually wants you. Bc obsession isn’t born from love, it’s from uncertainty. It feeds on mixed signals, unmet needs & the tension between what they say… & what they do. It’s the gap. I want you to sit with that for a minute. Let it land. Bc your nervous system has learned to mistake chaos for chemistry. And you keep calling it connection.

But when love is actually safe, when someone shows up with consistency and clarity… there’s nothing left to chase.

You don’t obsess over someone who makes you feel safe. You obsess over the one who keeps you guessing. Where you stand. What they meant. If they meant it. You end up decoding conversations, replaying silence, trying to solve the tension that they created.
How to stop.. a thread: The spiralling starts slowly. Then you crash. You’re anxious, overanalysing, compulsively checking their page, replaying what you said.
You don’t feel chosen, but you can’t walk away either. It’s bc the whole thing feels unfinished.

Dating with an anxious attachment style is hard especially if you’re surviving situations with ppl that never liked you, ambiguous ppl, delayed replies & low effort attention. Here’s how to survive dating in the age of breadcrumb love; It’s not just exhausting. It’s dysregulating. Especially when your history has trained you to feel responsible for holding things together, even when it’s falling apart.

You keep asking yourself, “Why can’t I just move on?” But this assumes you were ever fully met to begin with.

Stay away from ppl who have performative remorse. Esp when dating. Not everyone who says “I’m sorry” is safe. You’ll get tangled in hope that their words will 1 day match their actions. Accountability feels like attack when they’re not used to someone holding them with standards. If they’re already crossing your boundaries & calling it a mistake. Imagine the shape that same behaviour takes once they’ve secured your heart. Some ppl become experts at remorseful language. They know the cadence. The tone. The soft eyes.

Sometimes you don’t need clarity, you need courage. You could be running on empty today: heart numb, faith flickering, no options, no exits. Just you standing in the middle of life you no longer recognise. Clarity is cute, but it’s not always coming. Sometimes life will leave you in the fog on purpose. Not to punish you,
but to force you to feel your way forward without logic, without proof,
without guarantees. Bc real change doesn’t wait for you to be certain.
It demands you move while your hands still shaking.

If you want to see the depth of someone's emotional intelligence, confront them on something they did. Gently, with love. Not from a place of blame, but from a desire to be understood and met. Then watch what they do. How they respond will tell you everything. They'll either shut down or shut you out or disappear all together. Bc see, that's the moment where the performance ends. Bo most ppl haven't actually built the capacity to be seen when they're in the wrong.

Most men don’t like you. They just want to experience you. Dont be the experiment & know the difference.

Here’s how; 1. They’re All About the Chase

What It Looks Like: He’s super attentive, flirty, and eager to impress. But once he "wins" your attention, his interest fades.
How to Handle It: Enjoy the attention but keep your eyes open. Look for consistency beyond the initial chase.