Thread by @FU_joehudson

This book changed my life.

Inside it was one of the most profound spiritual practices I have ever done.

It completely transformed my relationship with myself, my daughters, and my business partners.

3 lessons from Patty Wipfler:

NOTE: This is a parenting book, but you can use it to go way deeper.

I can't tell you how many people I've recommended this to (who aren't parents) who have taken a huge amount from the book.

These tools are incredibly powerful.

1. Staylistening

The practice of sitting with your child through their big emotions without trying to distract, fix, or stop them.

I thought I was doing it for them.

But soon I realized: Any emotion I refused to welcome in myself, I could not welcome in my kids.

And by learning to welcome them in my kids, I learned to welcome them in myself.

It was a transformative discovery. And it made my daughters some of the the greatest teachers I ever had.

Before they were in my life, I could sit on a meditation pillow and fool myself that I was at peace with all things.

They pointed me to everything I still resisted.

2. Connection over Correction

Children act out not to be bad, but to reconnect. Every misbehavior is a bid for emotional safety.

The paradox is that 10 minutes of full attention (what Wipfler calls Special Time) can do more for a child than hours of distracted togetherness.

Special Time is a structured, intentional period (10-20 mins) where you give your child your full, undivided attention.

They lead, you follow.
No multitasking, teaching moments, or phones.

The same is true for our own "inner child" parts.

The ones that sabotage, procrastinate, or numb are also not misbehaving. They're reaching out for connection.

And 10 minutes of internal attention with them can offer far more healing than days of attempts to correct it.

Here is a practice I developed called Emotional Inquiry that you can use to do this:

s.artofaccomplishment.com/emotionalinqui…

3. Setting Boundaries

Children test limits not because they want chaos, but because they want to know where love ends.

A well-set boundary is not about controlling behavior, it’s about protecting connection.

It says:

I see you.
I won’t let this behavior separate us.
I’m right here, and I still love you.

Here's an example:

One of my daughters was having a meltdown and threw something across the room.

Instead of reacting with punishment or control, I got close, stayed grounded, and said:

“I’m not going to let you hurt anyone or break things. I’m here. And I love you.”

There was no yelling. No threat of consequence.
Just presence, and a clear limit.

When it passed, we talked about what happened. She helped clean up. There was repair.

The lesson wasn’t “don’t throw things or else.”

It was: even when you lose it, I won’t leave. I won’t let your pain hurt others. And I trust you to make things right.

Most of us have never heard a boundary delivered without shame.

So when we learn to set one with connection, we learn to set boundaries with ourselves as well.

These lessons didn’t just change how I parent.
They reshaped how I lead, how I love, and how I relate to myself.

Here is a podcast I did with @nbashaw that goes even deeper: