Being obsessed with somebody else is just a way to avoid a part of yourself.

This comes in two flavors: 1. Obsession as avoidance.

You fixate intensely on something outside of you, so you don't have to feel what's asking for attention inside of you.

I once worked with this couple who was on the verge of breaking up.

Their fights looked different on the outside, but underneath they were all the same: When the girl got angry, the guy heard:

“You're not good enough” or “I don't care that you're trying your best.”

Every crush or idol you've had is a mirror.

They point to your qualities that you've repressed and refuse to claim for yourself.

This is something Jung called the “Golden Shadow.” Ego isn't just “I'm better,” it's also “I'm not enough.”

And it's as much about what you think you are, as what you don't think you are.

The feeling that you don't have enough money, love, or time isn't really about how much you have.

It's a lens. And here's a 7-minute practice that changes it: Tell yourself "I don't have enough" a hundred times a day and your brain starts filtering reality to prove it. You stop seeing the opportunities right in front of you.

Same way a kid who gets called "naughty" becomes naughty.

I'm 55. These are the 11 things I stopped doing that changed my life for the better.

As a father, husband, and founder: 1. Trying to fix the people I loved.

2. Forcing myself to do things with "have to," "need to," "should." Those words activate the same biology as threat. No wonder the body freezes or fights back.

How your parents talked about other people shapes the way you think other are talking about you.

1. You weren't born with a voice in your head. There was a time when it was just quiet in there. 2. Most of what runs through your head every day isn't actually your own.

It's a playback of the people who raised you.

Most people think awakening is the finish line.

It's not.

Here's what actually happens when you wake up (and why we usually never talk about this at AOA): First, let's clear something up:

Awakening isn't what your mind thinks it is.

If your mind can imagine it, it's not it. It is inherently incomprehensible.

And it shows up in 3 distinct ways:

It's that time of year again.

How to have amazing relationships (that actually last)

30 hard-earned lessons from 27+ years of marriage:

1. Every toxic relationship you stay in starts with you being toxic to yourself first.

https://twitter.com/1101222943013580800/status/1870954535801540736

2. You can’t give or receive love fully if you’re constantly calculating what could go wrong.

Things I wish I understood about decision-making when I was 20:

1. Avoidance can’t steer. 2. The biggest sign that you're avoiding something = Chronic overthinking.

Arrogance and doubt are the same. They're just different flavors of thinking about yourself constantly.

One says "I'm better than everyone." The other says "I'm not good enough."

They're both "I, I, I."

This is key to understanding imposter syndrome: There's an old saying

"Humility isn't thinking less of yourself. It's thinking about yourself less."

When you're drowning in imposter syndrome, you're thinking: Am I good enough? Will they find out? Do I belong here? What if I fail?

Every single thought loops back to *you*.

One of the main reasons why leaders like @sama bring me into OpenAI:
I can instantly see how to fix an org's culture.

The key is that I understand dysfunction is never local, it's systemic.

If i see it somewhere, I know it's everywhere.

Thread:
"The liver opens into the eyes"

In Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), practitioners don't need to cut people open to see when organs are out of balance.

For example, when the liver needs attention it shows up in the eyes.

What years of coaching world-famous leaders, exploring 100+ different healing modalities, being happily married for over two decades, and raising 2 daughters has taught me.

50 years of learning in one megathread.

Reading time: 4-5 minutes
Value: A lifetime If your thoughts keep looping endlessly, it's a clear sign that you're avoiding an emotion.

95% of overthinking is just unprocessed emotion wearing a rational disguise.

Emotional intelligence patterns that I wish I understood in my 20s:

1. Overthinking (looping thoughts) is one of the strongest smoke signals that you're avoiding an emotion. 2. The emotion you avoid most will run your life.

If you're agonizing over whether or not to leave your relationship, read these 15 questions.

They will cut through the noise and show you what you need to see: Before you read:

> Being in the binary of leaving or not leaving means that you're in fear (and are trying to make a decision out of fear)
> Sit with these questions one by one. Better yet, take out your journal.

I talked to a brilliant founder this week.

All the potential in the world, but had a massive aversion to one emotion: Helplessness

I see this in a ton of young, ambitious people
(Thread) Almost every high-achieving entrepreneur I know struggles with this.

It doesn’t matter what industry they’re in or how many people they manage. No matter how successful they become or how much money they make...

There is this deep, unshakable fear of helplessness.

I spent decades chasing goals that made me miserable until I realized the difference between:

1) Goals that undermine you
2) Goals that support you

It changed everything.
18 hacks to know for setting better goals: Before we dive in, picture two entrepreneurs:

- One works 80-hour weeks, stressed and grinding toward an IPO.

- The other works just as hard for his startup but feels energized, like they're playing a game they love.

This book changed my life.

Inside it was one of the most profound spiritual practices I have ever done.

It completely transformed my relationship with myself, my daughters, and my business partners.

3 lessons from Patty Wipfler: NOTE: This is a parenting book, but you can use it to go way deeper.

I can't tell you how many people I've recommended this to (who aren't parents) who have taken a huge amount from the book.

These tools are incredibly powerful.

Emotional intelligence is going to be the most important skill of the 21st century.

If I were at the start of my journey, these are the 8 books I would read first: Disclaimer:

All these books hold critical information. I have benefitted greatly from all of them. At the same time, I don't fully subscribe to any of them.

Don't let someone else tell you your truth. Always run experiments + test it for yourself.

I've been on my journey of self-discovery for 30+ years.

This is a list of 21 highly psychoactive questions I've collected.

Read this if you're into obliterating yourself: DISCLAIMER:

If you skim these without sitting with them, nothing will happen.

If you slow down and let each question simmer, you will uncover deep shit. Even better, open your journal.

Fear is not something to conquer, it’s actually a gold mine of deep intelligence.

Inside your fear is what you’ve been looking for your entire life: [Thread] I make a distinction between 2 kinds of fear:

→ Visceral fear: walking a slackline over a 500-foot cliff
→ Abstract fear: missing a text, losing social standing, not being liked

And abstract fears are where the gold is (and usually the ones we avoid most)

I've seen this pattern in several of my CEO clients:

They feel superior as a way to protect themselves. But in actuality, they're signaling their shame and shutting down their joy.

What I show them to break the pattern: 1. Superiority and deep joy are fundamentally incompatible

Try to name a single person who feels superior that is also deeply joyful.

You won’t find them.

Because superiority traps you in something called "Comparative Mind"↓