Thread by @AfsaRosette

How to survive dating with an anxious attachment style (aka how to stop bleeding out for the bare minimum and reclaim your nervous system in the age of breadcrumb love);

1. Stop begging for safety & start creating it within.
The reason you spiral isn’t just bc they didn’t text, it’s bc your nervous system never learned how to feel safe in stillness. Regulate before you ruminate.

2. Self attunement before sttachment
Most ppl don’t realise when you’re anxiously attached, it’s not them you’re obsessed with, it’s your own unmet need, projected onto them. Practice attuning to yourself first. When you feel activated, ask what part of me trying to protect?

3. Stop playing emotional detective
Hypervigilance feels like control, but it’s just anxiety wearing a costume. You don’t need to guess, ask. And if they make clarity feel like pressure, that’s your answer.

4. Move from craving to choosing
Craving is passive. Choosing is empowered. Don’t just want to be chosen, ask yourself, do I actually want this person’s way of loving?

5. Stability may feel boring, that’s the withdrawal. If peace feels underwhelming, it’s bc your nervous system is detoxing from chaos. Learn to sit in the silence without assuming it means something’s wrong. The quiet is your nervous system healing.

6. Unfollow their energy, not just their account. You can block someone & still be energetically tied to them. Cut the cord in your body, not just on your screen.

7. Relate from wholeness, not hunger
When you approach dating from lack, you attract mirrors, not matches. Get curious about what you’re trying to get, instead of what you want to give in love. Real intimacy isn’t consumption. It’s coregulation, co creation, and CHOICE.

8. If you have to work hard to be seen, it’s not love. It’s labour. Compatibility isn’t about who triggers you the most, it’s about who honours your softness without making you explain it.

9. Update your inner narrative.
Most anxious attachers carry silent scripts like: “I’m too much,” “They’ll leave,” “I need to prove I’m worth staying for.” Rewrite those. New scripts sound like: “I am safe to express my needs. I do not chase clarity.

Your nervous system believes what it hears often. Make your inner world a place that loves you back.

don’t need closure, you need to stop negotiating with confusion. We confuse closure with understanding but you already know. You just don’t want it to be true. Clarity often sounds like nothing at all. Accept it. Walk.10.You

And remind yourself, your body was not made to house this much uncertainty.

The yearning doesn’t always mean they’re your person. Sometimes it just means they activated a familiar wound. Sit with it. Don’t chase the trigger, trace it.

Ask yourself: When was the first time I felt this kind of ache? What part of me still thinks love must be earned?

Download my ebooks to help with letting go of healing from loving the unavailable or book a session with me below beacons.ai/afsarosette

If this helped. Appreciate if you can share it, it may catch someone who really needs it. Follow for more advice on healing, dating, navigating relationship & letting go ❤️