Every parent has the same nightmare:
Your kid stumbles onto something they should NOT see online.
And you realize you have no idea how to protect them in a world that didn't exist when you were growing up.
I spent 6 months figuring it out... Here's what actually works 🧵
Your kid stumbles onto something they should NOT see online.
And you realize you have no idea how to protect them in a world that didn't exist when you were growing up.
I spent 6 months figuring it out... Here's what actually works 🧵
Here's what I tried first:
• Monitoring apps (destroyed trust)
• Screen time limits (they found loopholes)
• Parental controls (they worked around them)
• "Just talk to them" (they nodded and kept secrets)
None of it addressed the real problem.
• Monitoring apps (destroyed trust)
• Screen time limits (they found loopholes)
• Parental controls (they worked around them)
• "Just talk to them" (they nodded and kept secrets)
None of it addressed the real problem.
The issue wasn't the devices.
It was that every solution fell into two extremes:
1. Total control (surveillance, restrictions, fear)
2. Total freedom (trust they'll figure it out)
Both approaches guaranteed the same outcome...
Kids who hide things from you.
It was that every solution fell into two extremes:
1. Total control (surveillance, restrictions, fear)
2. Total freedom (trust they'll figure it out)
Both approaches guaranteed the same outcome...
Kids who hide things from you.
So I spent 6 months interviewing:
• Tech experts who build these platforms
• Teachers dealing with cyberbullying daily
• Kids willing to be honest about their online lives
• Parents who'd either won or lost their kids' trust
The pattern became crystal clear...
• Tech experts who build these platforms
• Teachers dealing with cyberbullying daily
• Kids willing to be honest about their online lives
• Parents who'd either won or lost their kids' trust
The pattern became crystal clear...
The safest kids online had 5 things in common:
1. Parents who actually engaged with their digital world
2. Education about threats BEFORE exposure
3. Clear written agreements about usage
4. Regular, non-punitive check-ins
5. Device barriers
All five. Not just one or two.
1. Parents who actually engaged with their digital world
2. Education about threats BEFORE exposure
3. Clear written agreements about usage
4. Regular, non-punitive check-ins
5. Device barriers
All five. Not just one or two.
That's when FENCE was born.
Not a theory. A system that works in real families.
F - Filters
E - Engage
N - Negotiate
C - Check-in
E - Educate
Each layer protects a different vulnerability.
Miss one? The whole fence weakens.
Not a theory. A system that works in real families.
F - Filters
E - Engage
N - Negotiate
C - Check-in
E - Educate
Each layer protects a different vulnerability.
Miss one? The whole fence weakens.
F = FILTERS
Your foundation. Your baseline defense.
• Safe search enabled
• App approval requirements
• Content restrictions on every device
• Multiplayer games blocked from adding strangers
This stops 80% of accidental exposure.
But it's not enough alone.
Your foundation. Your baseline defense.
• Safe search enabled
• App approval requirements
• Content restrictions on every device
• Multiplayer games blocked from adding strangers
This stops 80% of accidental exposure.
But it's not enough alone.
Here's what filters CAN'T stop:
• A "friend" sharing explicit content in a group chat
• Content shared through school iPads
• Scammers in gaming platforms
• Bullying in Discord servers
Filters are your first line of defense. Not your only one.
• A "friend" sharing explicit content in a group chat
• Content shared through school iPads
• Scammers in gaming platforms
• Bullying in Discord servers
Filters are your first line of defense. Not your only one.
E = ENGAGE
This is the game-changer.
72% of teens say their parents don't understand what's on their phones.
No wonder they don't report problems.
The solution? Jump into their digital world. Play their games. Learn their memes. Scroll with them.
Sit BESIDE them, not above.
This is the game-changer.
72% of teens say their parents don't understand what's on their phones.
No wonder they don't report problems.
The solution? Jump into their digital world. Play their games. Learn their memes. Scroll with them.
Sit BESIDE them, not above.
My favorite engagement strategy: Feed Swapping
"I'll show you my TikTok feed if you show me yours"
Suddenly they're the expert. They're teaching YOU.
And you get a window into what:
• Content they're consuming
• The algorithm is feeding them
• Their digital world actually looks like
"I'll show you my TikTok feed if you show me yours"
Suddenly they're the expert. They're teaching YOU.
And you get a window into what:
• Content they're consuming
• The algorithm is feeding them
• Their digital world actually looks like
N = NEGOTIATE
Kids love to negotiate. So let them.
Co-create a one-page family device treaty together.
Rules they helped write? They actually follow.
Rules imposed on them? They find workarounds within 48 hours.
Post it on the fridge. Make it official.
Kids love to negotiate. So let them.
Co-create a one-page family device treaty together.
Rules they helped write? They actually follow.
Rules imposed on them? They find workarounds within 48 hours.
Post it on the fridge. Make it official.
Your family device contract should include:
• Consequences for violations
• Monthly appeal (they can challenge one rule)
• Charge zones (phones out of bedrooms at night)
• When/Then rule (homework first, then screen time)
• Code word for emergencies (they can always come to you)
• Consequences for violations
• Monthly appeal (they can challenge one rule)
• Charge zones (phones out of bedrooms at night)
• When/Then rule (homework first, then screen time)
• Code word for emergencies (they can always come to you)
C = CHECK-IN
Every week, same time, 10 minutes: sit together and scroll through their device.
Not looking for problems. Looking to understand their world.
"Show me something funny this week"
"Did anything weird happen?"
They drive. You observe.
Every week, same time, 10 minutes: sit together and scroll through their device.
Not looking for problems. Looking to understand their world.
"Show me something funny this week"
"Did anything weird happen?"
They drive. You observe.
The difference:
Random phone grabs = "What did you do wrong?"
Scheduled check-ins = "What are you experiencing?"
One creates fear. One creates trust.
57% of kids hide online activity from parents.
Not the ones doing scheduled check-ins.
Because honesty isn't punished.
Random phone grabs = "What did you do wrong?"
Scheduled check-ins = "What are you experiencing?"
One creates fear. One creates trust.
57% of kids hide online activity from parents.
Not the ones doing scheduled check-ins.
Because honesty isn't punished.
E = EDUCATE
The final layer. The most important.
Teach them to recognize threats BEFORE they encounter them:
• What scams look like in game chats
• Red flags in DMs from strangers
• Why "free V-bucks" isn't real
• How deepfakes work
Education before exposure. Always.
The final layer. The most important.
Teach them to recognize threats BEFORE they encounter them:
• What scams look like in game chats
• Red flags in DMs from strangers
• Why "free V-bucks" isn't real
• How deepfakes work
Education before exposure. Always.
Your kids don't need a warden. They need a guide.
FENCE Framework gives you the map.
The full playbook (65 pages, 100% free) includes:
• Step-by-step device setup
• Conversation scripts for every age
• Contract template you can customize
Download at abbybrody.com
FENCE Framework gives you the map.
The full playbook (65 pages, 100% free) includes:
• Step-by-step device setup
• Conversation scripts for every age
• Contract template you can customize
Download at abbybrody.com
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