Theres a very long list of US products that cannot be sold in the EU thanks to EU regulations. Since the favorite pastime of the Trump regime and every US oligarch is now to demonize EU regulations, I thought it would be very much worth going through some of those products.🧵
US Instant Mashed Potatoes
Stuffed with enough BHA and BHT preservatives to give the product an expiration date of absolutely never, the EU decided to outright ban the product, depriving Europeans from what is otherwise a cheap and convenient way to encourage hairloss.
US Pork
Because American pigs are often fed large amounts of ractopamine, a drug that does wonders in increasing muscle growth in pigs and cancer in humans, the EU has deemed the product unsafe and banned it, seemingly without much concern for the profits of US oligarchs.
US Artificial Blueberries
Banned in the EU but found in nearly every US product claiming to have actual blueberries in it, the fake blueberries get their blue from a totally safe and tasty petroleum derived dye, one highly recommended for those looking to grow a third arm.
US Rice
Thanks to US companies occasionally spraying a totally safe arsenic based pesticide on their rice paddies, somewhat inexplicably, the European Union decided to put US rice on its watchlist, requiring it to be tested for arsenic before being sold to Europeans.
US Chicken Meat
The American habbit of bathing chicken meat in chlorine, a very safe and cheap practice legal in the US, led the European Union to ban US chicken meat and treat it basically like a chemical weapon that has a high likelyhood of helping one develop superpowers.
US Frozen Dinners
Containing a totally safe chemical also widely used to bleach plastic, the wide variety of US frozen dinners have been deemed as unsafe for human and animal consumption in the EU, a widely unpopular move among Europeans looking for a quick way to get cancer.
US Chocolate Milk
Following several studies that have found the product to really help in never seeing what life beyond 50 looks like, or at least not remembering it for long given it seems to also cause Alzheimer's, the EU banned this otherwise delicious US product.
US Maraschino cherries
Pretty much America's favorite cocktail garnish, deemed safe by the US despite containing a red dye linked to everything from allergies to dementia, most of the EU banned the consumption of these cherries, forcing Europeans to eat actual cheeries.
US Apples
Known to otherwise keep the doctors away, thanks to the diphenylamine they are sprayed with, regular consumption of US apples is a great way to make sure you will end up seeing multiple confused doctors and has been banned from sale in the European Union.
The list is so long, it can only take a team effort to complete it, so do feel free to contribute, fellow Europeans!
To be fair, whatever scrutiny the US government lacks in regulating food that may or may not turn you into a mutant ninja turtle, it more than makes up for by having its Secretary of Pestilence discredit lifesaving vaccines.
• • •
Missing some Tweet in this thread? You can try to
force a refresh
Much like JD Vance, Elon Musk and Bob, the Nascar fan from Alabama with some really strong opinions about European integration, I too have asked myself the age old question: "what has the EU ever done for us?" and decided to have a look at some of the latest countries to join.🧵
Since tragically joining the union in 2004, Poland has barely even managed to quadruple its GDP and start what is routinely reffered to as "The Polish Golden Age", likely an achivement completely unrelated to the quarter of a trillion dollars worth of EU funds it received.
Joining in 2007, moment at which it famously topped world charts in efficient governance and standard of living, average wage in Romania went from a nickel and a smile to about $1200 net, with Bucharest alone now having a bigger GDP than all of Serbia and Bulgaria combined.
There are, in fact, quite a number of Westerners who have escaped the "unelected EU bureaucracy" over the past four years to embrace true liberty in Russia, and I took it upon myself to document their stories.
Welcome to "Vatnik FAFO Stories", the definitive edition!🧵
A Vatnik's Guide to the Galaxy
In May 2023, having had enough of the decadent LGBTQ EU, a Slovak man, whom I shall name Flipper for a very particular reason, decided to deal a severe blow to the Western world by moving to the promised land, Russia.
Sometimes, all it takes for a vatnik to have a change of heart is as little as walking across 5 borders, swimming across a river into Russia, running into FSB, spending some time in the Russian penal system, and getting extradited. This will be a grand epic of FAFO and redemption.
Flipper is a trained musician skilled in playing the cello and piano and composing operas and symphonies, a talent he put to good use by creating timeless pieces of art such as "Long Live Russia" and several "Odes to Putin".
Possibly unaware that Russia has an embassy in Slovakia and is quite happy to legally welcome dumbasses such as him, Flipper made his way across Europe on foot and eventually reached Estonia, where he figured swimming across the half frozen Narva River is his best bet.
Shortly after stepping foot on Russian territory, hypothermic but excited, he took off his floating ring and attempted to impress the FSB agents who picked him up by showing them his pro-Russian songs. Presumably unimpressed, they proceeded to beat him to a pulp. confiscate his phone, accuse him of being a Western spy, and quickly throw him in jail.
He would write in his prison diary, with much surprise: "They arrested me and put me in a cell with 60 people. The toilet was a hole in the ground, like an open sewer. I used to put cotton wool in my ears so that the bugs wouldn't get in, we even had rats in some of the cells and the prison authorities never did anything about it."
Fortunately, Flipper would only spend 2 months in Russia as the Slovakian diplomacy was able to bring their dumb prodigal son back home. Reflecting on his time in the Russian prison, he expressed his empathy for Ukrainian prisoners, believing that they must suffer immensely. He criticized the treatment they receive, describing it as barbaric.
The Vatnik Manifesto
In 2014, a Texas man decided to leave his comfortable US life behind and crowdfund his way into Donbas on a "fact-finding mission". His "mission" will take a decade to complete but I'm happy to let you all know it appears to have just now been concluded, after having found those "facts".
Born in the 60s, this lone red cowboy flirted with the idea of socialism since his teenage years. Later on, just as all of Cuba was trying to get into the US, he was trying to get into Cuba, which he eventually succeeded in doing.
Having seen firsthand the level of poverty and lack of even the most basic of freedoms in the country, he ditched socialism and became an outright full-fledged communist.
Upon his return to the US, after a very failed attempt at becoming a US Senator, he did what any good Marxist would and started a drug smuggling and distribution business. His little enterprise went about as well as communism did, and will end with him being convicted to 5 years and 3 months in prison.
After spending about 5 years and 2 months in prison and with just about a month left before his release, he took a cold hard look at the math of his dilemma and decided to escape. He will go on to spend almost 9 years as a wanted fugitive, mostly because nobody really bothered to look for him. He will eventually get caught in 2007 and will be sent away to serve the remaining month.
Eventually, he will be taken captive and meet his end at the hands of drunk Russian troops, the same Russian soliders he fought alongside since 2015. Following a decade of looking for Nazis in Ukraine, he will finally find them.
36 years ago in the city of Timisoara, a small group gathered in front of a priest's home, lighting candles in protest against his forced relocation.
From that group, a voice will eventually cry out "Down with Ceausescu!", sparking what will become the Romanian Revolution.🧵
Following that cry, the regime's Securitate forces will brutally crack down on the small gathering, beating and arresting everyone present.
In turn, masses of people that had enough and have been brought on the very verge of dispair, begin to flood the streets the next day.
The regime will quickly give the order to coordon off the city of Timisoara, have the army and Securitate forces use live ammunition and "bathe the city in blood".
That night, in just a matter of hours, 300 people will be lying on the streets of the city, dead or wounded.
To give MAGA supporters a glimpse of what lies at the end of the road they’ve embarked on, and to provide Russia enthusiasts from all around the world with some ideas for relocation, I present you the third and final edition of my guide to posh Russian cities!🧵
Incorrectly thought of as having been bombed and never repaired, Karabash has just enough heavy metals in its breeze to go along with a romantic evening walk, while a dip in the rather suspiciously fish free orange lake is recommended to those looking to join the X-Men.
Having seen just enough waves of deportations to ensure the state mandated ethnic makeup, Vladikavkaz, often referred to as "murder by monotony" and "in dire need of a paint job", entices tourists with an intricate cable-car system which does not actually work at all.
Because boycotting American products is the very least we Europeans can do right now to return the favor, here's a thread of US brands to avoid, split up by category for your convenience.🧵
The fugitive pro-Russian mercenary leader Horatiu Potra, his son and his nephew, have all now landed on Romanian territory under heavy armed escort.
Welcome home traitors, you will not enjoy the next part!
Horatiu Potra's son:
Mere months ago these men and their Wagner linked paramilitary, armed with everything from machine-guns to grenade launchers, were on the verge of pushing the country into violence and chaos on behalf of Moscow.
To say these images are satisfying to see doesn't quite cut it.