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More from @Daractenus

Daractenus

@Daractenus

Mar 22

Over the past year, I’ve constantly asked myself how it is possible that 77 million people voted to have this abomination as their president for a second time. While I certainly don’t have the answer just yet, I think I’ve come up with a rather accurate how-to guide of sorts.🧵

First and foremost, it is essential to acknowledge that ending up in an autocracy or a full fledged dictatorship is something that can only happen to other people. Of all times and all places, you alone are lucky enough to find yourself in the one spot magically immune to it.

Of all things promised by the simpleton you plan to vote for, it is most important to keep in mind he obviously only intends to do the things you agree with. Every single one of those plans or promises you personally disagree with, he obviously can't or won't actually do.

Read 9 tweets

Daractenus

@Daractenus

Mar 21

Since I happen to be from Transylvania, seeing so many people claim that Stephen Miller is a vampire led me to take a closer look at the life of this man suspiciously passionate about racial purity, currently serving as the US shadow president, for all intents and purposes.🧵

Having went bald and aged some 37 years between the ages of 15 and 17 and already an avid reader of "Guns&Ammo" magazine by the age of 12, Miller would eventually let his only childhood friend know they can't be friends anymore on grounds of him being the wrong shade of white.

Failing in his bid for Student Government, having run on a platform that argued students should not have to pick up trash, because, in his view, that was the "God given role of Black and Latino janitors", Miller began incessantly calling into local neo-Nazi radio shows.

Read 11 tweets

Daractenus

@Daractenus

Mar 17

Have you been looking for a place to relax, unwind and quite possibly significantly shorten your lifespan? Are you passionate about forced labor? Is indoor plumbing not really your thing? Here's a few cities in Russia you should absolutely consider as your next trip abroad!🧵

Famous for having the world’s largest Lenin head and pretty much nothing else really, Ulan-Ude is highly recommended to those looking to experience a sense of existential insignificance and dread, best appreciated while standing directly beneath Lenin’s unblinking gaze.

While not particularly popular with tourists, residents or anyone that's ever heard of it for that matter, Saratov answered the rather obnoxious popular demands for sanitation, roads, healthcare and running water with a substantial amount of mud that covers everyone's needs.

Read 28 tweets

Daractenus

@Daractenus

Mar 17

To remind Donald Trump and his supporters why the US now finds itself without allies willing to provide the help Trump desperately wants but claims he doesn’t need, in the war he says he won, here’s a sample of the many comments he has made about US allies over the past year. 🧵

Canada

In just a year, Donald Trump made tens of comments about his desire to annex Canada, posting maps and attempting to tariff it into submission. Just 6 days ago, for what is probably the hundredth time, Donald Trump refereed to the PM of Canada as "the future governor".

Denmark

Up until not even two months, Donald Trump continued to announce daily that he will invade and annex Greenland, repeatedly refusing to rule out using military force against Danish soldiers and going as far as to essentially appoint a "future governor" for the island.

Read 9 tweets

Daractenus

@Daractenus

Mar 16

In an attempt to explain just why it is that some 77 million Americans voted for the dumbest man alive to be their president for a second time, I’m absolutely delighted to present you with the expanded list of US food that you cannot legally sell in Europe!🧵

US Instant Mashed Potatoes

Stuffed with enough BHA and BHT preservatives to give the product an expiration date of absolutely never, most of Europe has outright banned the product, depriving Europeans from what is otherwise a cheap and convenient way to encourage hair loss.

US Fake Blueberries

Banned in the EU but found in nearly every US product claiming to have actual blueberries in it, the fake blueberries get their blue from a totally safe and tasty petroleum derived dye, one highly recommended for those looking to grow a third arm.

Read 17 tweets

Daractenus

@Daractenus

Mar 15

Testament to how fast dictatorships can collapse, in 1989, Nicolae Ceaușescu delivered what would be his final speech, addressing 100k people he forcibly gathered there.

In one of the most iconic moments of modern history, he will lose control of the crowd.🧵

Bucharest would soon be engulfed in revolution, with an ever increasing number of people taking to the streets in the following hours. To the sound of "DEATH TO THE TYRANT!", people begin to carve the communist coat of arms out of the Romanian flags they were carrying.

Much like he did in what was at that point the free city of Timisoara, Ceausescu gives the order to drown the city in blood. Soon, the regime's soldiers and tanks would begin to fire on the unarmed masses of protesters, leading them to chant "WE WILL DIE AND WILL BE FREE!".

Read 7 tweets

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