Thread by @Daractenus

Have you been looking for a place to relax, unwind and quite possibly significantly shorten your lifespan? Are you passionate about forced labor? Is indoor plumbing not really your thing? Here's a few cities in Russia you should absolutely consider as your next trip abroad!🧵

Famous for having the world’s largest Lenin head and pretty much nothing else really, Ulan-Ude is highly recommended to those looking to experience a sense of existential insignificance and dread, best appreciated while standing directly beneath Lenin’s unblinking gaze.

While not particularly popular with tourists, residents or anyone that's ever heard of it for that matter, Saratov answered the rather obnoxious popular demands for sanitation, roads, healthcare and running water with a substantial amount of mud that covers everyone's needs.

Kemerovo, the coal capital of Russia, a city often refereed to as "oh God, please no" and "this year's worst mining accident", is a place where you will learn to better appreciate industrial pollution and discover you've been coughing like an amateur all your life.

Incorrectly thought of as having been bombed and never repaired, Karabash has just enough heavy metals in its breeze to go along with a romantic evening walk, while a dip in the rather suspiciously fish free orange lake is recommended to those looking to join the X-Men.

With its 200k inhabitants enjoying a life expectancy of 42 and having "life may be bad but at least it's short" as the unofficial motto, Dzerzhinsk is a must among worldwide chemical weapons enthusiasts, with popular tourist hotspots such as "The White Sea" and the "Black hole".

Having "Leave" as the most common answer to the "Things to do in..." question, Magnitogorsk's mix of local dishes is widely recommended as an excellent way to encourage hair loss, while a dip in the local river is equally advised to those looking to possibly acquire superpowers.

While a romantic sunset, sunrise or the sun in general is not something you're likely to experience in Norilsk, a city that fields a beautiful bi-annual Biblical plague when the local river runs red with pollution, is one for sure bound to go straight to your heart. And lungs.

With "My town and destiny" as its motto and often described as a "breath of fresh air" by its 70k proud inhabitants, the city of Asbest, possibly named after the absolutely gigantic open-air asbestos mine sitting right in the middle of it, is guaranteed to take your breath away.

Magadan, sometimes affectionately refereed to by its residents as "the place I dream of leaving", managed to reinvent the concept of urban infrastructure and, not being one to let the lack of cars or residents stand in the way, fields internationally acclaimed traffic jams.

Famous world-wide for having its acclaimed post-apocalyptic urban scenery depicted in various TV shows, and more recently for having God attempt to whack it with an asteroid, Chelyabinsk is guaranteed to give you the zombie apocalypse experience you always dreamed of.

With over a million potholes, about as many people trying to get out and enough mud to cover everyone's needs, Omsk operates a one-station metro system which, while allowing for instantaneous arrivals and departures, will rather symbolically take you absolutely nowhere.

Somewhat unenthusiastically called "home.." by about half a million resigned inhabitants and having survived several petitions to be renamed "Hell", Lipetsk prides itself in being the place where one comes for the mud and stays for the asthma.

Boasting the finest urban aesthetics forced labor can buy and quite possibly the spot where all of Russia's eleven time zones of misery and suffering converge, the city of Kayerkan took it upon itself to be that one place where hell did actually freeze over.

With a climate constantly trying to either freeze or sunstroke everyone and nearly whacked by an asteroid at one point in its history, Krasknoyarsk is the place to spend the week-end, if you ever find yourself looking to get away from it all and get high on aluminum.

Mirniy, a town which dug an exceptionally large hole in quite possibly in hopes of distracting everyone from all of Russia's misery and suffering, will give visitors the unique chance to rethink their life choice and wonder why they didn’t go literally anywhere else.

With a mayor that once won on the unfulfilled promise of moving everyone out of it, Chapayevsk and its chemical weapons production is the ideal place for a short visit and is highly recommended to families and couples alike looking to significantly shorten their lifespan.

The rather creatively named city of Nickel, which surprisingly enough is centered around everything having to do with nickel, is a fantastic place to experience everything nickel has to offer and don't particularly mind never seeing what life looks like beyond the age of 50.

The eco-conscious Zyablikovo, also known as "why God?", should not be overlooked by those searching for a budget friendly alternative to Japan's cherry blossom festival but are not picky about a place looking nothing like Japan and having absolutely no trees of any kind.

With a high GDP by Russian standards and thus poor by everyone else's, the perpetually flooded city of Syktyvkar is the place where Putin's party once won by campaigning on the yet undelivered "a pallet for every puddle" promise, having identified that as the only solution.

Having seen just enough waves of deportations to ensure the state mandated ethnic makeup, Vladikavkaz, often referred to as "murder by monotony" and "in dire need of a paint job", entices tourists with an intricate cable-car system which does not actually work at all.

Famous for its skyline and not so much for its public sanitation system and with just enough criminality to distinguish itself as a city that never sleeps, Makhachkala is a must among those looking to see what is likely to be the next place to start a pandemic.

Boasting one of the largest train stations in Russia, very much a necessity given the population's favorite pastime is leaving, Novosibirsk fields enough sinking and tilting buildings to make the skyline look like it was designed by a drunk architect, which it probably was.

Yakutsk, affectionately known as "hell, but cold and drunk", is a fan favorite and a must see among all those that travel in the interest of starring at frozen pipes and fish. Likewise, the city is proof that diamond ore does not need stay in the way of cripplingly poverty.

Khabarovsk, well known as the city listed on most maps as "not Vladivostok" and living proof one doesn't need a nuclear reactor to have a nuclear accident, is a vibrant and cheerful place which can, despite best assurances from local authorities, quite possibly make you glow.

Sporting several new strains of yet undiscovered hepatitis, Chita's public sanitation system and the city's vast array of culinary delights are guaranteed to take dysentery to a whole new level and make for a truly incurable experience you will not easily forget.

Appetizingly known as "the cold corner of hell" and having a very deep hole in ground as it's main attraction, Murmansk is beloved to all for it's very sober and mild-mannered residents, which are bound to rob of sympathy any traveler that comes their way.

Fielding a remarkable number of Buddhist temples and a devoutly homicidal population that make the former rather pointless, the enticingly friendly Kyzyl prides itself in being occasionally safer than your average warzone while having a roughly similar standard of living.