The football's back, baby! It never went away! It's Stenhousemuir FC against some lower-league jobbers from India and I can't wait - Image
Fair play to Real Kashmir but they might just be the worst football team I've ever seen. Stenhousemuir are bodying them so goddamn hard.
It finished 6-0 to Stenhousemuir. The home fans have stayed behind to clap off Real Kashmir #class #respect #fairplay @Sporf @FootballFunnys

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More from @CraigGTelfer

Sep 8, 2020
That England match was trash and a waste of everyone's time, so let's try and salvage the evening by looking at 🎭 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗧𝗼𝗽 𝟭𝟬 𝗚𝗼𝗼𝗱 𝗦𝗼𝗻𝗴𝘀 𝗯𝘆 𝗕𝗮𝗱 𝗕𝗮𝗻𝗱𝘀 🎭

We'll prove the phrase "a broken clock is right twice a day", one way or another.

Join me!
🔟 | 𝗘𝘃𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗼𝗻𝗴 by 𝗙𝗼𝗼 𝗙𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀 (1997)

Who could have imagined Nirvana's drummer would go on to make some of the dullest music imaginable? Nevertheless, Everlong is sensational, especially the line: "Breathe out so I can breathe you in".

9⃣ | 𝗙𝗹𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿𝘀 & 𝗙𝗼𝗼𝘁𝗯𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗧𝗼𝗽𝘀 by 𝗚𝗹𝗮𝘀𝘃𝗲𝗴𝗮𝘀 (2009)

A big song, both sonically and emotionally, with James Allan writing about the tragic murder of Kriss Donald. Nothing the band has done since has come close to this masterpiece.

Read 11 tweets
Sep 6, 2020
I am bored and unwell this evening, so let us kick back and rate 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐓𝐨𝐩 𝟏𝟎 𝐒𝐨𝐩𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐬 𝐞𝐩𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐝𝐞𝐬!

I spent the past week watching all 86 episodes. I've ran these picks past David Chase and he broadly agrees with them - so fair play to him.

Join me! Image
🔟 | 𝗖𝗼𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗴𝗲 (season 1, episode 5, 1999)

This is arguable the defining episode of the whole series! Tony takes Meadow on a tour of potential colleges and stumbles upon an FBI informant, which leads to an astonishing game of cat and mouse.

9⃣ | 𝗙𝘂𝗹𝗹 𝗟𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗝𝗮𝗰𝗸𝗲𝘁 (season 2, episode 8, 2000)

The Sopranos isn't just the greatest drama of all time, it's also an incredible comedy. The black-hearted Richie Aprile gifting Tony a horrible leather jacket is uproariously funny.

Read 11 tweets
Aug 27, 2020
After looking back at a litany of terrible music last night, I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of badness that had somehow been omitted!

No more - this evening, we will examine ☠️ 𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝕋𝕠𝕡 𝟙𝟘 𝕎𝕠𝕣𝕤𝕥 𝕊𝕠𝕟𝕘𝕤 𝕠𝕗 𝔸𝕝𝕝 𝕋𝕚𝕞𝕖 (𝕡𝕒𝕣𝕥 𝕥𝕨𝕠) ☠️

Join me!
🔟 | 𝗔 𝗦𝗸𝘆 𝗙𝘂𝗹𝗹 𝗼𝗳 𝗦𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘀 by 𝗖𝗼𝗹𝗱𝗽𝗹𝗮𝘆 (2014)

Coldplay can occasionally be great but this track shows them at their very worst - bottom-of-the-barrel trash, lowest-common denominator pandering, redundant lyrics about nothing. Awful.

9⃣ | 𝗙𝗼𝗿𝗰𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝗡𝗮𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗲 by 𝗢𝗮𝘀𝗶𝘀 (2002)

Oasis were generally in wretched form after Be Here Now and this is their nadir. It sounds like Slade, but only if Slade were miserably wading through thick human waste. Boring, dull and turgid.

Read 11 tweets
Aug 26, 2020
I'm bored and unwell so there's probably no better time to list 👎 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚃𝚘𝚙 𝟷𝟶 𝚆𝚘𝚛𝚜𝚝 𝚂𝚘𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝙰𝚕𝚕 𝚃𝚒𝚖𝚎 👎

There are no comedy songs, charity singles or gameshow winners in here - just 10 tracks full of absolutely incomprehensible toot.

Join me!
🔟 | 𝗚𝗲𝘁 𝗢𝗻 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗕𝗼𝗼𝘁𝘀 by 𝗨𝟮 (2009)

This is, by some distance, U2's worst song, a terrible single that helped tank the No Line on the Horizon album. Bono mewling about "sexy boots" is as appealing as catching your da licking out your ma.

9⃣ | 𝗙𝗶𝗿𝗲𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸 by 𝗞𝗮𝘁𝘆 𝗣𝗲𝗿𝗿𝘆 (2010)

Firework sounds like someone blowing a saxophone in your face at full blast while reciting the clunkiest, most clod-hopping lyrics ever committed to record. Ran into the ground by TV talent shows, too.

Read 11 tweets
Aug 24, 2020
It's a miserable Monday night, so that can only mean one thing - it's time to kick back and look at the 👹 𝕋𝕠𝕡 𝟙𝟘 𝕄𝕠𝕘𝕨𝕒𝕚 𝕊𝕠𝕟𝕘𝕤 𝕠𝕗 𝔸𝕝𝕝 𝕋𝕚𝕞𝕖 👹

Mogwai are one of the best bands to ever come out of this wonderful little country, so let's get loud!

Join me! Image
🔟 | 𝗠𝗼𝗴𝘄𝗮𝗶 𝗙𝗲𝗮𝗿 𝗦𝗮𝘁𝗮𝗻 (1997)

The final track on Mogwai Young Team is one of the band's most striking compositions, rolling through a gamut of emotions across its 16-minute run time. The unexpected arrival of the flute is a rare treat!

9⃣ | 𝗔𝘂𝘁𝗼 𝗥𝗼𝗰𝗸 (2006)

Mr Beast was the band's most abrasive album but its opener, with its textured piano and skittering electronics, was one of the very best. Auto Rock brims with tension but never reaches its boil; it is all the better for it.

Read 11 tweets
Aug 13, 2020
This evening's football has been poor so I've spent the first half working out the definitive ✨ 𝗧𝗼𝗽 𝟭𝟬 𝗛𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗶𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗦𝗼𝗻𝗴𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝗔𝗹𝗹 𝗧𝗶𝗺𝗲 ✨

These are world-class tracks that bewitch and enrich the listener. Pharrell Williams is nowhere in sight.

Join me!
🔟 | 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗦𝗺𝗶𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗙𝗮𝗰𝗲 by 𝗝𝗮𝗺𝗲𝘀 𝗧𝗮𝘆𝗹𝗼𝗿 (1977)

James Taylor's gorgeous paean to his lover's quirks sounds like a man ascending to heaven. He is dumbfounded and incredulous and head over heels. Some voice, too - pure honey!

9⃣ | 𝗝𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗪𝗮𝘆 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗔𝗿𝗲 by 𝗠𝗶𝗹𝗸𝘆 (2002)

This forgotten Europop banger has one of the loveliest lyrics of all time: "I love you just the way you are" - surely something we would all like! The hook here is gigantic too.

Read 11 tweets

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