WWX: Lan Zhan! Why did you come in the through the window?!
LWJ: Shhh Wei Ying, I have sneaked in to see you. Do not wake the others.
WWX: What others?
LWJ: Shhhhh we must be quiet. Our love is a forbidden one.
WWX: Why do you smell like vodka and regrets?
LWJ: Shots. WWX: Whomst the fuck let you have shots?
LWJ: Do not swear Wei Ying, it is very sexy of you.
WWX: Lan Zhan sweetheart…
LWJ: Shhhh…quiet voice.
WWX: I don’t need to be quiet Lan Zhan, there is only you and me here.
LWJ: Wei Ying, why are you home alone?

WWX: I’m having a housewarming and I want it to be fancy so I hired a butler!
JWY: A butler? What the hell, you can do that?
WWX: Yes! Huaisang told me about it! They come and set up the house for you and serve drinks and do whatever you ask them to do! A few hours later…

WWX: Hello you must be my handsome…I mean my butler!
LWJ: Mn. Please tell me what you would like me to do?
WWX: Ha ha ha! Don’t say things like that! I’ll take advantage!
LWJ: I am paid to obey your orders, Sir.
WWX: HA HA HA! SIR?! Erm…prep the food?

WWX tried to make the best of his new life. Sure the land is hard to farm and he misses his family but there’s lots of good things too, there is A-Yuan and Wen Qing and Wen Ning and…

“Lan Zhan is getting married,” Wen Qing told him.

“Want?”Wei Ying replied. “Lan Zhan is getting married,” Wei Qing repeated.

“Oh…well…that’s good right? If he’s found someone he wants to…”

“It’s an arranged marriage, Wei Ying. They are forcing it upon him.”

“What? Oh hell no, I won’t allow this!”

Jiang construction are doing work on the Lan bro’s house.

LXC: Where has Wangji gone now?

Wangji is outside listening to Wei Ying talk a mile a minute and watching his ass move as he balances half way up a ladder.

WWX: Lan Zhan are you interested in plastering?

LWJ: Very. LXC: Wangji, there you are, we have work to do…

LWJ: I’m taking a personal day.

LXC: Wangji…

LWJ: I must learn about plastering brother it is an important skill.

WWX: Lan Zhan is going to shadow me!

LXC: He wants to do more than that…

WWX: Huh?

LXC: Nothing!

WWX: I have decided! Tonight at this very house party, I will have my first kiss!
JWY: Literally no one wants to kiss you.
WWX: Rude. There has to be someone.
LWJ: Mn.
WWX: Lan Zhan! You’ll help me find someone to kiss won’t you?
LWJ: I will help Wei Ying. WWX: Nie Huaisang, how would you like to be my first kiss?
NHS: Erm…Hi Wangji! Please don’t glare at me like that…
WWX: That’s just his face, so how about it then? Me and you? Smooching? 😘
NHS: I cannot be your first kiss Wei Ying, that belongs to another.

Hands up if you are sick of watching Lan Zhan and Wei Ying flirt with each other and pretend they are “just friends” 🙄

A short wangxian twitter/text AU

1/4
Hands up if you are sick of watching Lan Zhan and zero Ying flirt with each other and pretend they are “just friends” 🙄

A short wangxian twitter/text AU

2/4

LXC: Wangji, you seem excited.
LWJ: This is Wei Ying, my new husband. He is a merman.
LXC: Wangji are you quite well?
WWX: He speaks the truth! I am a merman! *proceeds to eat a raw fish by ripping it up with his sharp pointed teeth.
LWJ: He is the love of my life.
LXC: Ok… This is a little mermay fic.

Mentions Mpreg (Wei Ying)

And also a small mention of biting and blood. (WWX biting LWJ)

LXC: Wangji, we have a new client.
LWJ: We have no available bodyguards right now.
LXC: This one asked for you specifically.
LWJ: No.
LXC: Come on Lan Zhan, it’s a huge contract. It will lead to so much business.
LWJ: I do not work in the field anymore since… LXC: I know you haven’t worked since the accident.
LWJ: If I had only seen the danger…
LXC: Wangji, it was not your fault.
LWJ: He went back into the building, he went back into the fire…
LXC: I know. He went back in, he got A-Yuan out but you thought they were…

LXC: I thought your car was fixed now?
LWJ: It broke again this morning.
LXC: You haven’t even driven it today.
LWJ: Yes, very unfortunate I must take it to the garage again.
LXC: The garage that Wei Ying owns, the garage where he works often shirtless?
LWJ: I do not recall… LXC: Suddenly you don’t recall, let me refresh your memory…a few months ago we found out that Wei Ying had not only returned but that he was running a garage with his brother not far from here. Since then your car has been mysteriously stuck down with an issue every single day.

It is the day of Wei Ying’s wedding but he has suddenly decided he cannot marry Lan Zhan…

WWX: Jiang Cheng! How can I leave you! No one will ever marry you! Without me, you’ll be alone!
JWY: For gods sake, get married! I want to be alone!

(Xicheng and Wangxian) WWX: No, Jiang Cheng. You don’t want to be alone. My poor unwanted brother. I can’t leave you on the shelf without me! No one will ever pick up such a prickly pear!
JWY: Leave me on the shelf, I beg you.
WWX: No, I shall not marry Lan Zhan today. You need me too much.

WWX: Lan Zhan, there is a man following you.
LWJ: I know, he is…
WWX: He’s been following you all week!
LWJ: I know, he is my…
WWX: It’s okay Lan Zhan, you can stay at mine. I’ll protect you from this predator! We will have to share a bed though.
LWJ: I am so afraid. WWX: Don’t worry, Lan Zhan! We’ll lose him on the way to mine!
LWJ: I suspect that will not be very easy.
WWX: I’m excellent at evading capture, Lan Zhan. Don’t worry, I will keep you safe.
LWJ: I trust that you will.

WY: Jiang Cheng my heart is broken!!
JC: And that is my problem because…
WY: Because I am making it your problem.
JC: Fine. Why is you heart broken, Wei Ying?
WY: I’m glad you asked! This concerns Lan Zhan.
JC: Of fucking course it does.
WY: He has broken my heart! JC: Can I assume that he is still completely unaware that he has the ability to break your heart?
WY: If you are suggesting that my love for him is still unknown to him…then you are correct but that does NOT give him the right to shatter my love pump!
JC: Don’t call it that.

WWX: Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit.
NHS: What?
WWX: I did what you said, I texted stuffy pants Lan Zhan to tell him we are having a party and we’ll try to keep the noise down.
NHS: Good! Hopefully he won’t call the police on us.
WWX: He replied it say thank you for the invite. NHS: No.
WWX: Yes. He is coming. Mr Stuffy pants is coming. The man who measured the grass in our front garden, is coming to our party.
NHS: Oh god, cancel.
WWX: We can’t! Everyone will arrive in an hour.
NHS: Shame. Maybe I can accept one of my other invites.

JWY: This is stupid.
WWX: It is not stupid! I’m just gonna climb over our balcony, and over Lan Zhan’s balcony and then on to Huaisang’s balcony and then we will have a few drinks and then I’ll climb back. Simple!
JWY: You’ll get caught and we’ll get told to leave. WWX: I’ll get caught if I go out into the hall! Lan Qiren is patrolling! Honestly you would think we were kids! This is an academic conference! We’ll all old enough to do what we want and I want to have a drink!
JWY: If you get caught, I’m not helping you.
WWX: Fine!

A-Yuan: Baba, remember last night when you said you wanted to marry Lan Laoshi?
WWX: Ha ha! I didn’t say that little radish!
A-Yuan: Yes you did baba! I heard you! You said it after you had some of your special fruit juice.
LWJ: Wei Ying wishes to marry me?
WWX: Errrr…. A-Yuan: Yes! And he said you were so pretty that it made him sad. Why does it make you sad, baba?
LWJ: Why does it make you sad?
WWX: It doesn’t make me sad! I’m very happy that Lan Zhan is handsome! Let’s talk about something else.
A-Yuan: Okay, I’ll talk about the house!

LWJ: Thank you for accompanying me to the bowling alley.
LXC: I am happy to, even though I do not have your skill Wangji, I won’t be much of an opponent for you.
LWJ: That is okay. I will enjoy destroying you regardless.
LXC: Oh they are very good aren’t they? Wangxian and Xicheng Fluff. ❤️

Lan Zhan eats alone at the same restaurant every Friday night, the last restaurant where he met Wei Ying before he disappeared. He always orders a plain meal with a side of chilli oil which he never touches, it’s just there to remind him of what he lost. As he lifts the first fork full of food to his mouth, he notices something strange. A little hand reaches up onto his table and starts patting the surface, then the little chubby fingers make contact with the small bowl of chilli sauce and pull it off the table.

There it’s done. Lan Zhan has convinced Uncle it’s best to put a company wide ban on work colleagues dating. That will stop his brother dating Wei Ying. Lan Zhan is sick of drinking vinegar over all the time they’ve spent together recently. Wangxian funny fluff. Little bit NSFW at the end. Small Xicheng references. :-)

Lan Zhan shouldn’t be here. He doesn’t date. He NEVER dates. Why had he let brother talk him into this? Now he was sitting at a table in an unfamiliar coffee shop waiting for a man who he had never met but who seemed to be okay as they had messaged each other over the last week. Lan Zhan fiddled with his green tea and checked his phone. Five minutes. The man was five minutes late. He was probably on his way. It was only a few minutes. Lan Zhan made a square on the table with the sugar packets. Fifteen minutes later he received a message from the guy.

LWJ: Wei Ying may I come in?
WWX: Absolutely! I’m just pretending to work in here. Only joking! Don’t fire me!
LWJ: I would never fire you, Wei Ying. I was wondering if we could have dinner together this…
*Baby gurgles*
WWX: Please continue.
LWJ: What was that noise? WWX: What noise?
*Baby giggles*
LWJ: That noise.
WWX: Oh! That’s my stomach! I’m so hungry! So you were saying?
LWJ: Wei Ying.
WWX: Yes?
LWJ: There is a baby nestled in blankets in the bottom drawer of your filing cabinet.
WWX: Oh my god, how did that get there?

Wei Ying and Lan Zhan are in love…with people who do not love them back…they will console each other in their unlovability. 😔

(Wangxian get together with established xicheng helping and suffering)
Jiang Cheng is really fucking sick of their bullshit.