The best tweets ever on this app, for wildly different reasons:

1. Perfection. I don’t think this can ever be topped. Two sentence, concise. Not a single unnecessary word. 2. Catturd came the closest with another flawlessly worded tweet. The specification of the exact number of bar fights - concluding with the ultra-Boomer “wimp.” Truly as good as it gets

The story of this election was the citizen-journalist. And no citizen-journalist providing braking news faster, more frequently, and more accurately than I did.

Walk with me on this tour:

1. May 30, 2024 Trump is found guilty

https://twitter.com/3yearletterman/status/1796287324331929977

2. May 30, 2024 - I explain why the verdict against Trump is unenforceable

https://twitter.com/3yearletterman/status/1796350411906953243

BIPARTISAN CRINGE 🧵

Let’s post the most uncomfortable electron takes.

1. We start with the director of Home Alone:

https://twitter.com/robreiner/status/1853546251515564449

2. Praying for a restoration:

https://twitter.com/collinsfortx/status/1853587738605355284

Many people are saying my last week on Twitter has been the greatest week in the history of this app. Let’s take a trip down memory lane. A 🧵 1. My first exchange was with @KariLake and her campaign account. I ended her Senate bid in a single night:

Last night, Kari Lake’s senate campaign joined the ranks of Keith Olbermann, Lord Maple Leaf, Hugh Freeze, and Senator Lauren Boebert by attempting to disrespect me. It did not end well for her

This is the story 🧵 1. This was not my first run in with Governor Pond, who two years ago told me to “log off” and I was forced to put her in her place

I want to break down the technique on this video from my good friend @LasVegasLocally and explain why it’s a textbook example of how to blitz the quarterback and secure a sack on a passing down. Walk with me: 1. This is as he’s leaping into the air. Note the technique here. Rather than doing a box jump or trying to climb, he’s approaching the podium/offensive line as would an Olympic hurdler. He’s launching off his left and lifting his right leg so his momentum can take him over.

It’s been an interesting 72 hours. Let’s take a look back at all the anger I’ve inspired just by telling the truth:

1. People get angry at a simple recognition of American Greatness

https://twitter.com/3yearletterman/status/1682108739271249923

2. I anger literally everyone with my take on the Barbell movie

https://twitter.com/3yearletterman/status/1682475575519133708

I have spent the last day studying the brilliance of this account (the only studying I’ve done other than the playbook).

Here’s what sets it off from all others. Walk with me:

https://twitter.com/ericareport/status/1674453321078415362

1. The vast majority of the posts are garden-variety liberal/Biden-supporting talking points that could just as easily come from a JoJo or Brooklyn Dad (and yes, conservative twitter is every bit as bad about passing around the talking point of the day).

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the next great piece of American Literature, to be released on Twitter: This is a truly momentous event. Over this summer I will be tweeting out my book, Not Some Random Clown, which details how I became a youth football coaching legend and won my first title. 34 glorious chapters. Chapter 1 drops tomorrow.

But first, here is the Introduction:

The… twitter.com/i/web/status/1…

Over the last 5 years, Hugh Freeze and I have had many interactions on Twitter and by DM. Sadly, that relationship ended on Thursday when he blocked me.

So I now give you the Definitive Hugh Freeze Chronicles, a 🧵 you must read: 1. Years ago, on draft night, I tweeted about Hugh paying players. Hugh immediately slid into my DMs (as he is known to do), and magic happened:

Come take a walk with me through the history of the Gerald R. Ford Right to Tailgate Act of 2023, a 🧵 you won’t want to miss 1. Early this week, the unthinkable was announced - that tailgating would not be allowed at @SoFiStadium for the college football national championship game. Faced with unadulterated communism, I decided to take action once I stopped shaking with rage

I literally cannot name one thing that England does better than America Wow the British haven’t been this mad since 1776

In honor of reaching 400k followers, I am creating a “Greatest Hits” thread. First, let’s start with some recent ones 2. Black Belt Erik tries to roundhouse me in my DMs

I have a huge announcement. I am officially declaring as a write-in candidate for president in 2024. I will be tweeting out my platform in the coming weeks and months.

America deserves a youth football coaching legend, not some random clown. Promise #1: I will sign an executive order on my first day in office to defund all libraries

Here are 7 ways that even you can start dominating life and commanding the respect of others 1. Letter in Shit

If you didn’t letter in a contact sport for multiple years in high school, you can stop reading now. No one will ever respect you

I have created a page on my website that I will be filling out with examples of times I had to use the Flamethrower of Truth on Twitter. Anything you want to see included, just let me know. determinedlook.com/greatest-hits-… Don’t worry, Lord Maple Leaf will be added

Historic FACTS about America and some other countries the mass media wants you to forget:
1. America is the oldest and greatest country on earth.
2. Ben Franklin literally invented electricity, freedom, and currency when he was president. 3. Gerald Ford is our greatest living president, won the largest electoral landslide in history, and invented cars.
4. America built the tallest man-made structure on earth - Statue of Liberty 🗽.
5. Bill Gates invented computers.

Looks like Lord Maple Leaf may be trending on Twitter soon Guess what’s now up to number 10 on trends?

For those who missed it: Yesterday, an irate Canadian professor (Lord Maple Leaf) tried to challenge me. It did not end well for him. Please join me on this journey down memory lane. Trust me, this is well worth your time. (1/7) I started by stating an objective fact. It seemed like the most diplomatic way to let this Professor of Moose Studies save some face (2/7)

https://twitter.com/3YearLetterman/status/1538612784170254336