Instead of “once upon a time,” Korean folk and fairy tales often begin with 호랑이 담배 피우던 시절에. It means “back when tigers smoked (pipes)” There’s an old Turkish version of “once upon a time” that goes develer tellal pireler berber iken. It means “when camels were town criers and fleas were barbers”

In Spanish slang, speaking with total confidence about a subject you know nothing about can be referred to as cuñadismo. It means “brother-in-law-ism”

* read on for more of my favourite words and phrases, from various Spanishes, to mark Spanish Language Day… A Mexican phrase for when someone is daydreaming (or “away with the fairies”) is pensando en la inmortalidad del cangrejo. It means “pondering the immortality of the crab”

A Dutch way of saying “we’re on it” or “we’ll take care of that for you” is we zullen dat varkentje wel even wassen. It means “we will certainly get that piglet washed”

* read on for more porcine phrases from around the world (a big pig thread)... My favourite Lithuanian way of saying “that’s none of your business” is ne tavo kiaulės, ne tavo pupos. It means “not your pigs, not your beans”

My favourite Brazilian phrase about a place that’s far away / in the middle of nowhere is na casa do caralho. It means “in the house of the penis”

Read on for more Brazilian idioms and slang (a thread)… In Brazilian Portuguese, a faraway place can also be described as onde Judas perdeu as botas, which means “where Judas lost his boots.” And an even more distant place is onde Judas perdeu as meias, or “where Judas lost his socks” (after losing his boots)

In English, brushing strands of hair over a bald spot is called a combover, but in Mandarin you could describe it with the phrase 地方支持中央. It means “the localities support the central government”

Read on for more international phrases about hair and hairstyles (a thread)… A French phrase for a combover is amener la banlieue en centre-ville. It means “bringing the suburbs to the town centre”

This is a thread of my all-time favourite literal translations, starting with this one…

In Hungarian, the word for a shark, hiszékeny, translates literally to “sea bastard” In isiZulu, the word for tears, ukukhohliseka, translates literally to “drama water”

Allow me to regale / regael you with some Irish names for animals…

5. Ladybird = bóín Dé or “God’s little cow”
4. Otter = madra uisce or “sea dog”
3. Bat = amadáinín or “little fool”
2. Jellyfish = smugairle róin or “seal snot”
1. Hedgehog = gráinneog or “horrible little thing” A few more of my favourite Irish translations…

5. Escalator = staighre beo or “living stairs”
4. Squid = mathair shúigh or “suckmother”
3. Owl = scréachóg reilige or “graveyard screecher”
2. Daisy = nóinín or “little noon one”
1. Sea anemone = cíoch charraige or “rock boob”

Better names for existing things, number 1…

DISCO CHICKEN Better names for existing things, number 2…

PRISON DONKEY

A thread of my favourite Welsh words and phrases for #StDavidsDay, starting with this…

A Welsh version of the phrase “that’s like shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted” is paid ȃ chodi pais ar ôl piso It means “no point lifting your petticoat after pissing” A Welsh way of saying something is not right (or “I smell a rat”) is mae rhyw ddrwg yn y caws. It means “there’s some badness in the cheese”

This a thread of title ideas for celebrity biographies or memoirs, starting with this one…

WHERE THERE’S A WILL (Anne Hathaway) Ideas for titles of celebrity biographies/memoirs, number 2…

BIDEN: MY TIME (Joe Biden)

A list of name ideas for solo international tribute acts...

10. Miley Cyprus
9. Bolivia Rodrigo
8. Bob Mali
7. Sudan Boyle
6. Kenya West
5. Bruges Springsteen
4. Argentina Turner
3. France's Drake
2. Aussie Osbourne
1. Björkshire If the international tribute acts are allowed to use mythical place names, then I'd have to find room in the list for Atlantis Morissette

Old slang for being drunk (and first noted use)

8. Full to the bow tie (1959)
7. Whittled as a penguin (1906)
6. Plum full of bug juice (1894)
5. Tight as a boiled owl (1880)
4. Malty (1811)
3. Coming home by the villages (1770)
2. Drunk as a wheelbarrow (1675)
1. Bumpsy (1611) Interesting fact about drunkenness... In ancient Persia all important debates took place with everyone drunk and then again with everyone sober, or vice versa (because an idea wasn’t considered credible unless it sounded good in both states)

When lawyers are no longer allowed to practise, they are disbarred. And when priests are stripped of their position, they are defrocked. This is a thread of suggestions for terms for other professions, starting with this one…

When florists are sacked, they are deflowered When roadies are sacked, they are disconcerted

The Dutch word for a horse breeder is paardenfokker, which gave us this joke…

JFK: What do you do?
Dutchman: I fok horses
JFK: Pardon?
Dutchman: Yes paarden

Read on for more terrible multilingual jokes (a thread)… INTERROGATOR: Tell me who told you about our Dutch national holidays
ME: You mean my Holland days source?

My favourite way of saying “zero fucks given” is from Greek slang and it goes στον πούτσο μου λουλούδια και γύρω γύρω μέλισσες. It means “flowers on my dick and bees all around”

Read on for more cosmopolitan ways of saying you just don’t care (a thread)... Some other versions of “I don’t give two hoots” from Greek slang are as follows…

🦜 A big heartbreak and ten parrots
😿 I’ll have my cat cry over this
💩 The mare had a bowel movement in the prairie

This is a thread of international phrases describing a place that’s in the middle of nowhere, starting with this one…

In Venezuelan Spanish, a place in the back of beyond can be described as donde el Diablo perdió los calzoncillos. It means “where the Devil lost his underpants” Another Venezuelan phrase is donde Cristo perdió el tetero, which means “where Jesus lost his baby bottle.” Other Spanish variants have Jesus losing his flip-flops or his lighter, Napoleon losing his hat, and the Devil losing his poncho. I also love “where the wind arrives tired”

In Icelandic, someone with a sweet tooth can be referred to as a nammigrís. It means “candy piglet”

* read on for more Icelandic words and phrases (a thread to celebrate Fullveldisdagurinn, Iceland’s Sovereignty Day)… The Icelandic word for television is sjónvarp, which means something like "vision throw" or "vision thrower." And the word for computer, tölva, means "prophetess of numbers" or "number witch"

Jimmy Carr sorry for killing joke

https://twitter.com/BBCNews/status/1715371999181029460

US government apologises for megadeth

A list of names for Joe Bloggses (just normal men) in other languages

7. Joe Little Carrot (Slovak)
6. Average Svensson (Swedish)
5. Wang Number Five (Mandarin)
4. Otto Normalconsumer (German)
3. Name Nameson (Danish)
2. Mid-range Vasya (Russian)
1. Statistical Kowalski (Polish) For those who would like the names in their original languages...

7. Jožko Mrkvička (Slovak)
6. Medelsvensson (Swedish)
5. 王五 (Mandarin)
4. Otto Normalverbraucher (German)
3. Navn Navneson (Danish)
2. Среднестатистический Вася (Russian)
1. Statystyczny Kowalski (Polish)

In German, if you forget the name of something, you wouldn’t say pass me that whatchamacallit or doodad. You’d instead call it a Dingsbums. Another fun German word (though more for bits and bobs) is Krimskrams

* Read on for more names for thingamajigs around the world (a thread) A Dutch word for a thingum is Huppeldepup. It’s not only very fun to say aloud (HUPPELDEPUP!!), it’s also versatile as it can be used for either an unknown object (whatchamacallit) or, much more commonly, an unknown person (a whatsisface/whatsername)

A Spanish version of “in a while, crocodile” is me las piro, vampiro. It means “I’m outta here, vampire”

* read on for lots more rhyming farewells from around the world (a thread)… In Chile, when a gathering is over and it’s time to leave you can say calabaza, calabaza, cada uno pa su casa. It means “pumpkin, pumpkin, everyone to their own home”