Why I spent 3 days in America

I travelled out in search of greener pastures.

Sold my father’s only land, my car, my fridge, everything in my house, and even carried the office laptop and ran without telling anybody

It was at JFK Airport in New York that I snapped selfie… posted it in the office group chat & dragged everybody like @davido is doing to trolls now. l insulted my boss, my supervisor & even my colleagues

Even my babe. Infact, we knacked like p0rn stars the night before. I told her I was going to the village for spiritual cleansing…

Two days after our wedding, my husband called me aside…

He looked me in the eyes and said,

"So many marriages fail because one person wasn’t completely honest from the start. I don’t want that to be our story."

Then he continued: "I lied to you about being a graduate. I didn’t graduate from university. My ‘certificate’ is fake. I lied because I know how much you love educated men.”

“Lastly… I’m not into import and export of international goods…

This year, my wife and I made a resolution: no more fights. Instead, we’d talk things out, communicate openly, and avoid bottling up issues until they exploded.

We kissed, hugged, and wished each other a happy new year, determined to start 2025 on a peaceful note. And for the first three days, it was blissful—until our house party happened… We had invited some friends over to celebrate. My wife had worked tirelessly to prepare fried chicken, peppered ponmo, and small chops. As the party got lively, my friends and I enjoyed the chicken, washed down with drinks.

Later two of my friends went to my wife and said they weren’t satisfied and wanted more chicken but she told them it’s finished so they came to me…

My landlord is fond of entering our houses anytime he likes and asking us what we cooked. Baba won’t leave until he eats.

For weeks now, this man has been eating three square meals from everybody’s houses. Meanwhile, he doesn’t do anything in the house.

If the borehole spoils, we fix
Light has issues, we fix it
Soakaway is full, we drain it… He doesn’t contribute a dime. The only good thing is he doesn’t increase the rent.

Since I moved in, the rent has been the same, but peace of mind has reduced pata pata.

One of my babes came to visit me, so I quickly cooked Jollof rice and fried chicken. (Story by Ajebo Writer) We wanted to eat before I eat her. The next thing, oga landlord barged in…

There’s this young, pretty girl who recently moved into my neighborhood. She’s quiet, keeps to herself, and doesn’t interact with anyone. No greetings, no smiles—nothing. If you greet her, she hardly responds.

Me, when it comes to minding my business I’m the CEO. So, I like staying away from anything that will embarrass me. I don’t even bother greeting her and she doesn’t greet me either, which suits me just fine… But despite her snobbish attitude, some of the men, married men, keep smiling at her and greeting her every chance they get, sometimes even when she snobs them they will still greet her

What annoyed me the most was their desperation to be liked. Every night, these men—three of them—would sit across from her house, silently drinking and waiting. For what? I had no idea, but their shamelessness irritated me.

My neighbour’s 7 year old daughter comes to my house almost every weekend to finish my snacks but I enjoy the company

Once she comes, she commands that I put Moana or Frozen for her on the Tv & I obey then she sits on my couch (doesn’t say a word) watches tv until she leaves… Sometimes she’d help me with little chores around the house—cleaning, folding towels, and even washing the dishes when I cook. It was an unspoken partnership; I gave her snacks and juice, and in return, she helped make my bachelor’s flat feel alive...

Amina sighed as she looked at her account balance. At 25, she felt like she was drowning in the sea of adulthood. Her dreams of becoming a successful photographer seemed to slip further away with each passing day.

For weeks now she has been struggling with the rise of the dollar to the Naira which has led to the increasing costs of living, fuel shortages, and skyrocketing food prices.

Despite working freelance gigs, she barely made ends meet and had to forgo basic necessities to save money while still caring for her aged mother.

My neighbor is a stunning, curvy woman with light skin and long natural hair, but she’s incredibly introverted.

She rarely interacts with anyone in the compound, always engrossed in her phone. Even greetings sometimes go unanswered

Everyone in the compound hates even my wife and my wife hardly hates anyone

So, we all just avoid and ignore her especially the women

The men, we don’t have problem with her. If she greets us we respond and even make light chat, if she doesn’t, we move There’s this white Range Rover that is always packed inside the compound and since we all know each others cars, we knew who the owner wasn’t and it wasn’t anyone of us.

So, it must be our single aunty’s lover who no one has ever seen. He comes and goes discreetly, leaving in the dead of night or the early morning.

We know his gender as we have heard their laughter when they’re entering the house or exiting the compound sometimes at odd hours after spending days or weeks

In fact she began driving the car and confirmed our suspicions yet we never saw the man she’s dating

For the past few months, my diet consisted of rice, beans, garri, yam, and plantain, and I was getting tired of the monotony. I craved something different.

So, I decided to treat my wife to a fancy restaurant on the mainland. As we sat down, and the waiter handed us the menu, the prices on the menu shocked the hunger out of me

I started sweating inside the AC filled restaurant

The cost of a single dish could buy a whole bag of rice. I glanced at my wife, who was happily making her selection. This woman want to finish my salary, she doesn’t know things are hard and we shouldn’t be building another man’s business

I couldn't bear to dampen her spirits so I just had to pay while we ordered and she ate

Throughout that week, I couldn’t smile. I lost my ability to laugh and be happy as my account went from 100 to zero

I returned to my humble rice, beans, and garri meals, silently enduring the repetitive diet. Months passed, and I started losing appetite for the regular Nigerian meals again

Instead of apologizing, she tried to justify herself, blaming the mother for not advising her son to cut his hair, stating that he will get into trouble one day.

Ever since my wife and I moved here, she's been persistently trying to get close to us.

I never liked her aura from the beginning, and my wife, being cautious around strangers and always very busy, didn't entertain the idea of getting close to her either.

One day, my wife had a work engagement in Abuja. She was scheduled to facilitate several meetings, so that morning I carried her luggage to the car and went to drop her at the airport The lady was outside as we were preparing to drive to the airport. She even asked if we were traveling together and I said no, it’s just my wife.

Few hours after I dropped her at the airport and came back home, she called to say her meeting finished early and the other ones were postponed so she'd be coming back later in the evening.

I was so happy, and we celebrated her early return with music and dancing. My wife was very excited and she was just laughing out loud and enjoying herself

Few minutes later her phone beeped, she checked and it was a WhatsApp message

There were people everywhere but nobody was paying any attention so it occured to me that the stranger was coming towards me

I moved back as he approached but something in his eyes and the way he was smiling and looking at me made me relax and just hug him back

"Bro, thank you for not embarrassing me in public" he said after the hug I checked my pocket, my phone was intact, I checked the back, wallet intact then I checked my front, gbola intact

I relaxed and asked him if he goes around giving strangers a hug or is this a prank

"Mummy, mummy I came 3rd in my new school!"

My neighbors' 7-year-old daughter screamed as she ran into the compound waving her report card in the air

Her troublesome and sharp-mouthed mother started dancing and singing She started saying her daughter has put her enemies to shame, and all those people laughing at her child because she used to come last in her former school should come outside

Everyone now came out and was laughing and congratulating the child

When the most popular runs girl in the neighborhood suddenly opened a barber's shop

The entire street went into a state of frenzy

Nobody had seen such a development before, so all her past and present clients became her customers The rest just came to see the new wonder and maybe try their luck because the girl is such a Beaut

Her barber's shop was different, she had two girls who assisted her

Had a twerker whose sole duty was to twerk to the songs always playing wherever someone was having their hair

One unforgettable experience I’d never forget was when I was still in junior high.

I had a big crush on my classmate who was also my neighbor. I had promised to take her to Mr. Biggs after church on Sunday, and my plan was to use my father’s car for this special outing. So, on a fateful Saturday, I told the driver secretly and bribed him with N200 not to tell my father and carry us because my father usually slept for long on Sunday afternoons.

He collected my money and agreed only for Sunday to reach and he refused.

Warning: 18+++

For the cold weather… something to keep you warm tonight 😉

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My girlfriend always complain that I don't satisfy her in bed

I'm not a segz freak, I can go 20 minutes, okay 33 minutes max

I'm this detailed because I always time myself ever since she started complaining that I don't last in bed

She began by masturbating immediately after I cum so she can cum too. It was very embarrassing.

Next, she started comparing me with her ex'es, telling me how her friend's boyfriends last hours in bed, labeling me a 1 minute man. No man wants to be compared to his lovers ex especially over his segz life. That's the worst thing you can do to a man, make him feel like he's not enough down there.

One day, she left her phone unlocked and out of curiosity I snooped

That was my biggest mistake

I read how she was telling her married ex that she misses him and his co*k, that no man has been able to match his prowess in bed and she wished he could take her and ravish her one more time

I was shocked

My first instinct was to hit her and push her out of my house and life like the ho* she is, but shame and the thought of her telling her friends and mine that I'm not good in bed or I'm a one minute man made me humble.

After a prolonged period of separation, I finally paid a visit to my brother.

As soon as his daughters saw me, they ran and jumped on me in excitement.

It had been nearly a year since I last saw them, despite us residing in the same state. I couldn't help but feel remorseful for being a neglectful uncle who hadn't made the effort to visit them

Filled with guilt, I offered my apologies to the girls, expecting forgiveness from them.

Much to my surprise, they took after their father's cleverness and informed me that

Karma

I stood in front of the busstop waiting for the Uber I ordered to come pick me up when this handsome guy walked up to me.

"Excuse me miss, you have the most beautiful set of eyes I have ever seen." smiling and offering his hand, he continued… "My name is Akin, and I live around here."

I looked at him, smiled thanks, and returned my gaze back to my phone ignoring his outstretched hand.

Uncle wasn't giving up, but what he didn't know is that I wouldn't give in.

I got a message on Twitter

It was from a girl

She introduced herself & told me she's a fan of my stories

She said she came across my story when a friend retweeted and immediately fell in love with my style of writing

She asked if we could be friends Of course, we can be friends I said

Then she pleaded I followed back, and I accepted

We began chatting

Morning, afternoon and night

I'm a great conversationalist but I don't carry conversations alone so as long as you're lively and interesting, we'll both enjoy the chat

It was my first time in Europe

I had never travelled out of Nigeria before

"Promise me you won't forget me for an oyibo girl" my girlfriend said a day before I travelled

Kneeling down before her, I swore to her, "My love I swear with everything I hold dear… I will never ever leave u for anyone."

Placing her hand on my cock to demonstrate my seriousness, it grew in size as she held it, then fondled it & then she smiled widely.

Slowly, I pulled her down to me, sliding my hands under her mini black skirt, I stroked and touched…

I remember the apartment I used to live in back in the days

One day I woke up to someone knocking

"Who's there?"

"Good morning, it's landlord."

The landlord was out of the country when we rented the apartment

All the negotiations & transactions were handled by the caretaker "Good morning sir" I greeted as I opened the door and stood facing the landlord

He was an elderly man with a very warm and nice smile, he smelled good too, and I had heard rumors that he was very kind and sweet to his tenants so I liked him even before we met.

My wife and I decided to invite her mom over for Sallah

My wife is a Muslim and so I was excited to have her mom over for Sallah because I knew there would be excess meat in the house especially from her siblings and extended family It’s always a pleasure to have people over because we hardly have guests primarily because of our busy work schedule, and also, my wife and I are always in our birthday suit at home

If we’re not going out or expecting anyone, we’re totally naked, 24/7