A study with over 70K people found those who obsess about being the best have much worse outcomes than those who are focused on being the best at getting better, and who define success on their own terms. This study mirrors my post from yesterday, so I figured I'd go a bit deeper. It’s a mindset all the greats share and it’s crucial to their success:

Don’t worry about being the best.
Worry about being the best at getting better.

Struggling to read a book, sit through a meal without checking your phone, or resist the urge to scroll during a pause in conversation? You’re not alone.

Internet brain is making us all dumber.

Here’s why it’s happening—and what to do about it: Our phones are like slot machines.

Every time you swipe to see if you received a notification, like, DM, or news ping you’re pulling that lever.

Sometimes you win—someone likes your post, sends you a funny reel, or you learn something super important.

But most times you don’t. And that’s the point.

Decades of research show that intermittent rewards are far more addictive than predictable ones.

Balance is overrated. Never apologize for caring deeply about something. The path to greatness—and to fulfillment, happiness, and satisfaction—requires it.

What follows are the most important ideas to help you on the path: 1. Outcomes matter—it’s normal to want to do well, but if you are to have meaningful longevity you’ve got to learn to enjoy the process. The only zen on mountaintops is the zen you bring up along the way.

2. Community is key. Nobody reaches the top alone.

In mid-life you define your path, forge your identity, and set the tone for what’s to come.

If you’re in your 30's or 40's, read this: 1. It’s a crazy world. It always has been and always will be. The best way to stay sane is to find the people and activities you love and give them your all. Full stop.

2. It’s tempting to sacrifice your health but you always regret it. Your health is the most important investment there is.

3. Consistency is more important than intensity. It’s true in work, craft, and relationships. Be the kind of person who shows up consistently, and good things will happen.

Anyone can be consistent for a few days. It’s harder to be consistent for years upon years, through ups, downs, everything in between.

Here are 7 ideas from Master of Change that resonate with readers most.

On what it takes to stay steady amidst challenge and grow from change: 1. View life as a continuous cycle of order, disorder, reorder.

You may crave order and stability, but that stability is a moving target—it's always somewhere new. It doesn't come from resisting change. It comes from working with it.

The average person undergoes more than 30 significant life changes.

Marriage. Divorce. Kids. School. Graduation. Moving. Illness. Recovery. Starting jobs. Leaving jobs. Promotions. The list goes on and on.

Yet our models for change are old and outdated. Here's a better way: Old models represent change as a cycle of order, disorder, order.

Change is something that happens to you. The goal is to get back to where you were.

But this is neither accurate nor how change, which is to say life, actually works.

As we round out this year and head into the next, here are some of the most powerful ideas on performance, excellence, and mastery to keep in mind: 1. Outcomes matter, but if you are to have any meaningful longevity you’ve got to learn to enjoy the process.

2. Community is key. Nobody reaches the top alone.

3. Consistency—the dull and mundane act of showing up every day—is way more important than intensity.

I've got a new piece out today.

It confronts the self-help trap of needing to find meaning and grow from everything always.

Sometimes simply showing up and getting through is plenty. Perhaps the real growth is learning to let it be enough.

Highlights are below: In 2017, I was blindsided by the sudden onset of obsessive compulsive disorder and secondary depression.

For the better of a year, my days were consumed by intrusive thoughts and feelings of angst, dread and despair.

It was a terrifying and disorienting ordeal.

In finite games the point is to win.

In infinite games the point is to keep playing.

Life is an infinite game.

Here are 7 mindset shifts for playing well: 1. You don't think yourself into the person you want to be. You act yourself into it.

Know your core values. Know how to practice them. And do it.

When you fall off the path—which inevitably you will, because everyone does—simply get back on.

This is your life's work.

A psychological construct called self-complexity says that the key to a strong and enduring identity—one that is equal parts rugged and flexible, that can navigate the inevitable changes we all face—is to diversify your sense of self.

Important thread 👇👇 The more you define yourself by any one activity, the more fragile you become. If that activity doesn’t go well or something changes unexpectedly, you lose a sense of who you are.

But with self-complexity, you have develop multiple components to your identity.

THREAD: Here are 10 insights I've learned over the last 5 years coaching executives, entrepreneurs, and athletes.

Almost anyone can burn bright for a few days. But few can burn bright for years upon years.

On sustainable success, peak performance, and career advice:

👇👇 You've got to put yourself out there. You can't be the person who comes off as too cool to care but is actually just afraid.

Caring deeply makes you vulnerable. Why? Because there's a good chance things don't go exactly your way. But caring deeply is also the key to a rich life.

Non-dual thinking is the ability to hold two competing ideas at once.

•Stability AND change
•Acceptance AND problem-solving
•Independence AND interdependence
•Ruggedness AND flexibility
•Tragedy AND optimism
•Caring deeply AND non-attachment Stability AND change:

Clinging to stability and trying to avoid change or over-control almost always proves futile and leads to anxiety.

But sacrificing all agency and going wherever the wind takes you often leads to overwhelm and disorientation.

You often need both.

My 3 non-negotiable daily practices for physical and mental wellbeing:

1. Forty-five to ninety minutes of physical activity.
2. At least one deep-focus block of sixty to ninety minutes on good, meaningful work.
3. Do not fight evening sleepiness, which usually means bed by 10PM. My 3 non-negotiable weekly practices for physical and mental wellbeing:

1. At least three long walks outside (about an hour each).
2. Get together with good friend(s) at least once.
3. One day where I am offline—I call this a digital sabbath. Was hard at first, now I love it.

Mastering change is an essential life-skill.

4 common mistakes to avoid:
•Avoidance
•Resistance
•Sacrificing agency
•Trying to get back to where you were

Details and solutions for each: Mistake #1: Attempting to avoid change or refusing to acknowledge it.

In the short term, insulating yourself from challenging circumstances may feel good. But reality always catches up to you.

Solution: You don't have to like what is happening but you've got to confront it.

A recent study with over 70K people:

Seeking fame or money (above a certain threshold) does not contribute to life-satisfaction.

Here are 5 principles that do: 1. Autonomy:

At least some control over how you spend your time and energy.

It's why learning how to say "no" is so important and powerful.

Mindset shifts that can change your life:

1. Best at getting better
2. Consistency over intensity.
3. People around you shape you.
4. Motivation FOLLOWS action.
5. Emotional flexibility.
6. Process over outcomes.
7. Don't talk about it, be about it.

Details: Do not worry about being the best; worry about being the best at getting better:

•Being the best is a flash in time; it comes and goes.

•Being the best at getting better is a lifetime pursuit, and thus a more fulfilling objective.

It's impossible to be the perfect friend, athlete, parent, partner, employee, read 50 books every year, stay up to date on the TV shows everyone is talking about, do all the "self-care" things, and on and on and on.

If you struggle with "balance," this is for you: For many people, it is better to do a few
things well—with full attention and deep care—than it is to do a bunch of things just sort of average.

Part of being a mature adult is realizing that tradeoffs exist.

There is a lot of talk about dysregulated nervous systems. It's a fancy way of saying people are feeling stressed and overwhelmed.

Quick fixes don't work.

What does is hardiness, a psychological trait that can be developed: Hardiness has 3 prongs:

1. Commitment: Accept the situation. Don't turn away, lean in.

2. Control: Figure out what you can do. Take productive action.

3. Challenge: View life as an ongoing process during which change is inevitable.

Remember the kid who was too cool to try in school? He was really just insecure and scared to fail.

Don't be that kid.

Trying hard and caring deeply makes you vulnerable.

That's okay—it's the cost of having skin in the game: It is hard to care—to really care—be it about a person, a pursuit, or a movement. Things don’t always go the way you want them to, and things always change.

I’ve been critical of
@PeterAttiaMD in the past (on issues about which we were both probably wrong, btw).

While I don’t agree with everything, it is a very good read, and will help many people, including me.

The last chapter is especially gutsy and important.

Kudos, Peter. I think some of the primary prevention screening is over the top, from not just a public health perspective but an individual perspective too. There’s a cost to many people in health anxiety, false positives, and focusing on optimizing health instead of using/living one’s health.

Deep reading is an absolute joy—good for mind & soul. It is also a competitive advantage for knowledge workers.

Here are 7 simple & concrete insights on nonfiction deep reading. All are based on the latest research & real-world practice.

On how to read more and read better 📚: 1. Use a hardcopy book:

Research shows you comprehend and connect information best when you read physical pages.

Two reasons:
-No distractions, which e-reading and audiobooks invite (nothing wrong with them but not the same as deep reading).
-The brain likes tactile experience.