BoozyBarrister Profile picture
Lawyer, Asshole, Legal Humorist, Half-Assed Blogger
Jan 6, 2021 14 tweets 7 min read
Let's remember that L. Lin Wood - according to a lawsuit filed by three attorneys who worked with/for him - allegedly called them to his house at 1 a.m. in the midst of a personal crisis, they sat with him to make sure he was okay, and tthe next day he fired them all via email. Let's also recall that, shortly thereafter, according to the same Complaint, it is alleged he held a 3.5 hour phone call wherein he - again according to the Complaint - verbally berated these attorneys nonstop.
Sep 24, 2020 20 tweets 4 min read
Let's talk about Louisville and race.

In 1965 the body of Alberta Jones was pulled out of the Ohio River. Alberta Jones was a female African American attorney, and the first such to become a prosecutor in Jefferson County. She was, prior to that, Muhammed Ali's attorney. She was also a civil rights activist and philanthropist, who worked tirelessly to increase African American voting in Louisville.

Her death was marked by the police as drowning

When they found her car blocks from the river, covered in blood, with her purse, they changed that.
Jul 29, 2020 12 tweets 2 min read
In 1954 Carl and Anne Braden purchased a home in Shively, a suburban community of Louisville, Kentucky, for the Wade family. The Wades, an African-American family, were "color-lined" out of the community, as no realtor would sell to them in the white community. The Wades moved into their home after the Bradens deeded it over to them with their 2 year old daughter, Rosemary. Shortly thereafter people began throwing rocks through the windows of the home and firing guns at it. A cross was burned as their welcome to the neighborhood gift.
May 13, 2020 6 tweets 2 min read
LMPD executed a no-knock warrant at 1 a.m. in this man's home based on the suspicion that a narcotics suspect was receiving packages there. When Mr. Taylor was awakened at 1 a.m. by armed men bursting into his home, he thought he was being robbed and fired at the intruders. /1 LMPD officers, who were not wearing bodycams during a no-knock raid at 1 a.m., returned fire and killed Breonna Taylor, Mr. Walker's girlfriend who was an EMT.

Neither Ms. Taylor nor Mr. Walker had any history of violent or drug related crime.

/2
Apr 29, 2020 4 tweets 1 min read
My singular claim to fame is sitting second chair on a case where we actually won a civil RICO count.

It's all been downhill from there. ...Okay, that and the goddamn furries, but I'd argue the latter is still going downhill from the former.
Mar 30, 2020 6 tweets 2 min read
The CARES Act has two important provisions for consumer bankruptcy that current debtors should be aware of:

1. The CARES Act stimulus payments are not included in income calculations for Chapter 7 and Chapter 13 bankruptcies;

/1
2. More importantly, if you are a Chapter 13 debtor with a plan confirmed prior to the date of the CARES Act, and you are experiencing financial difficulty related to COVID-19, you now have the right to seek a modification of your plan to a 7 year plan.
Mar 30, 2020 4 tweets 1 min read
The fact is so many businesses are self-classifying as essential because they have no financial resources to weather anything of this nature and magnitude - and as a result they are keeping workers in the field because the company cannot afford to close. This is not "They're trying to make sure their employees get paid." The employees could be laid off and, with the new provisions, collect unemployment during the storm here and return to the work force afterwards. This is the company, if it closes, will not reopen.
Mar 27, 2020 5 tweets 1 min read
Health Care Workers told you "have to move out" of a rented space:

Self help evictions are barred in nearly every state. Your landlord generally cannot unilaterally terminate a lease, change the locks, turn off utilities, etc. if you are current on your rent. If you receive a "You have 24 hours to be gone" letter from a landlord, contact an attorney immediately.

Immediately.
Mar 26, 2020 4 tweets 1 min read
Trustee just announced they’re going to do 341’s via Zoom, which is certainly going to be helpful for all of my low income Chapter 7 clients who don’t have a webcam or reliable home computer. ....shit, I’m gonna end up having them come into my office to do them, aren’t I?
Mar 20, 2020 5 tweets 1 min read
My late-60’s mother just stayed on the phone with me until 1 in the morning as I talked about how my small firm has clearly said “If we have to stay closed for more than two weeks, we don’t think we’ll have enough income to pay anyone and we’ll be laying off everyone.” That part doesn’t bother me. I have enough experience and a small buffer that will let me take unemployment and come back solo.
Mar 12, 2020 4 tweets 1 min read
PA just ordered the closure of all schools, community centers, gyms, and entertainment venues starting tomorrow - with a suggestion that non-essential retail facilities close - in Montgomery County.

Starting tomorrow. Ardmore Station closed for 2 weeks starting tomorrow.

State employees travelling into MontCo ordered to work remotely.
Jan 31, 2020 7 tweets 2 min read
Oh for fucks sake just vote the thing to a close already so I can stop fielding questions about how this is a political thing and not an actual trial, and really doesn't bear on the justice system.

Like I've been doing for a while now. From the beginning there's been approximately 0 chance this would proceed to a hearing of witnesses before the Senate. No, there is no recourse. Yes, it is unprecedented. Yes, attorneys are amazingly tired of discussing it because calling it a trial makes us look like shit.
Jan 24, 2020 16 tweets 2 min read
My toddler just grabbed a bowl of soup and started screaming “I WANT CHEESE NO CHICKEN SOUP.”

Update to follow. My toddler just put his soup on the table. He then walked up to my bedroom, grabbed a shoe, marched downstairs, walked calmly to his teenage brother, then screamed wordlessly and began wailing on him with my shoe.

I have no words.
Jan 9, 2020 4 tweets 1 min read
Accountant: "As soon as I have your 1098-E I can finish your taxes. How much do you think you paid in student loan interest this year?"

Me: "You know how I claimed 4 kids at the end of 2019?"

Accountant: "Yeah."

Me: "We started the year with 5. We had to sell Timmy." Accountant: "...Alright. So what about health insurance? Did everyone have health insurance this year?"

Me: "No."

Accountant: "What?"

Me: "No."

Accountant: "But..."

Me: "You don't buy car insurance for the burned out shell of a 1978 Pacer on the side of the road, do you?"
Nov 22, 2019 7 tweets 1 min read
And here we see “Exhibit A” in the malpractice suit against the hospital she works at. "Now, you previously stated you 'Take all patient reports seriously,' correct? Can we play Exhibit A, the one marked 'Deponent's Tik Tok'?"
Sep 4, 2019 4 tweets 1 min read
Hi Vic folk. I'm a litigator. And let me tell you what you're seeing here:

You're seeing someone's draft. This is a draft. This is how we fill in the footnote cites to exhibits in a draft when we're not sure what we're using, or what exhibit it will be. This is what you do when you know what you're going to use in part, but not completely. Generally you then go back through, list the exhibit in order in the blank area, and, if you're really fancy, provide a page and line cite to the deposition transcript (i.e. Vic 34:10-12).
Jul 19, 2019 4 tweets 1 min read
"Gee, it's such a quiet afternoon and I don't really have a lot of stuff...but I never close my office early. What should I do?"

"Oh."

"Oh yes." RUMOR PANELS?

Protip: If there's enough smoke that you have to hold regular meetings to say "It's not smoke, it's FOG, seriously ," someone needs to get the fire department on the goddamn phone. Image
Jul 12, 2019 4 tweets 1 min read
A completely open free market with no government interference whatsoever in trade or professions would say that if someone calls themselves a doctor after sleeping at a Holiday Inn Express it's fine, because after they kill a few patients nobody will go to them anymore. We trade off little bits of our self-determination to the government in certain areas because the risk of allowing Joe Bob to get shitfaced and call himself a brain surgeon is too goddamn great compared to the relative benefits.
Jul 12, 2019 4 tweets 1 min read
Simple fact of the matter is the impact of the Trump Presidency won't end for decades after he leaves office. Trump has appointed, and has had confirmed to lifetime positions, over 120 District and Circuit court judges. The youngest was 36 years old. In 2016 with SCOTUS on the table, everyone paid attention to the power of the president to shape the highest court in the land. However, very few cases (relatively) end up before SCOTUS. Many stop at the District court, and the remainder stop before the Circuit. /2
Jun 7, 2019 4 tweets 1 min read
As matter is not created nor destroyed but rather reconstituted into new forms, it is a near certainty some matter making up the physical form of your client was, in the past, fecal. Therefore, it is likely your client is, in part, literally a piece of shit.

I rest my case. Two can play this “pedantic lawyer” game.
May 4, 2019 7 tweets 1 min read
A JUROR JUST INTERRUPTED THE READING OF THE VERDICT TO SAY HE DIDN’T AGREE. My spouse from upstairs. Image