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Adam Cerious Profile picture
Adam Cerious
@Browtweaten
high speed, aggressive, non-action. also jokes. venmo: adamcerious
Mar 29, 2023 • 5 tweets • 3 min read
ah damn I wanted to use that one famous tweet but I couldn't remember whose it was and I just remembered it was d'onofrio
Feb 5, 2023 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
STOP THE HIKE first draft:
Feb 4, 2023 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
a group of seals is called a ziploc a group of doe is called a batter
Feb 4, 2023 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
me: I'm unable to stop making jokes

doctor: you can't be serious

me: that's right we like a nice dad joke between making fun of elon musk, don't we folks
Jan 28, 2023 • 5 tweets • 3 min read
alphabet: hi

me: :)

alphabet: jk

me: :( hey I do other tweets, you can follow me on this janky ass app if you want
Jan 28, 2023 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
god: *creating snakes* give that throat a face god: *creating mosquitoes* dracula bees
Nov 7, 2022 • 7 tweets • 3 min read
twitter users today:
Sep 27, 2022 • 6 tweets • 4 min read
man: humpty dumpty fell off the wall

king: who?

man: the big egg guy

king: the what

man: we need all your horses and men to put him back together

king: uh ok *turns and whispers to advisor* what the fuck is going on oh hi there, if you like this tweet you should follow me and these funny mfs:

@DrakeGatsby
@ellewasamistake
@patsatweetin
@sarawrencomedy
@mrjohndarby
@andlikelaura
Sep 26, 2022 • 5 tweets • 1 min read
movie about
a step-child
|
child loved by
step-parent?
| |
no yes
| |
disney porn movie about
a step-child
|
child loved by
step-parent?
| |
no yes ------ yes and they're
| | stuck in the dryer
disney porn |
great porn
Jul 27, 2022 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
alien: I'm going to rule you all with an iron fist

me: our leaders already do that

alien: then I'll strip your planet of its resources

me: you're not gonna believe this love living in hell world 🙃
Jul 25, 2022 • 7 tweets • 4 min read
wife: have you seen the dog bowl?

me: no why, is he any good oh uh hi I do other tweets, you're welcome to follow me if you'd like
Jun 30, 2022 • 8 tweets • 4 min read
and you could have it all

my empire of turt Image I will let you down

I will make you bert Image
Jun 29, 2022 • 6 tweets • 3 min read
me: *throwing dodgeballs at my gym teacher* who needs to look alive now

his widow: please stop special shout-out to @Cpin42, a sweetheart who's masterful at one liners and y'all should follow him
Jan 12, 2022 • 5 tweets • 4 min read
wife: I saw a baby on the way to work

me: how do you know?

wife: how do I know I saw a baby on the way to work?

me: yeah, did it have a tiny briefcase or something?

wife: what me: just sitting on the bus and going over expense reports while nursing

wife: stop
Oct 2, 2021 • 5 tweets • 5 min read
girlfriend: I'm seeing someone behind your back

me: *believes in ghosts* is it my grandpa girlfriend: no I mean I'm dating them

me: lol grandpa always was a horndog
Jun 16, 2021 • 5 tweets • 4 min read
her: are you even listening to me?

me: what a weird conversation starter see bc I wasn't listening tee hee
Jun 12, 2021 • 4 tweets • 3 min read
friend: I was named after my father

me: *aware of how time flows* correct friend: my sister was named after my mom's younger sister

me: I need to consult with a physicist
Apr 25, 2021 • 4 tweets • 3 min read
angel: whatcha making?

god: *pressing lion into grill with spatula* tiger hey hi, I do jokes as a hobby, follow me if you're into that and if not nbd we can still be friends :)
Feb 21, 2021 • 4 tweets • 2 min read
I shouldn't have posted this on a saturday eveni
Feb 20, 2021 • 6 tweets • 1 min read
[last day working as a human cannonball] you can't fire me I quit [first day on a cheerleading pyramid] I want a raise