movie about
a step-child
|
child loved by
step-parent?
| |
no yes
| |
disney porn
movie about
a step-child
|
child loved by
step-parent?
| |
no yes ------ yes and they're
| | stuck in the dryer
disney porn |
great porn
Jul 27, 2022 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
alien: I'm going to rule you all with an iron fist
me: our leaders already do that
alien: then I'll strip your planet of its resources
me: you're not gonna believe this
love living in hell world 🙃
Jul 25, 2022 • 7 tweets • 4 min read
wife: have you seen the dog bowl?
me: no why, is he any good
oh uh hi I do other tweets, you're welcome to follow me if you'd like
me: *throwing dodgeballs at my gym teacher* who needs to look alive now
his widow: please stop
special shout-out to @Cpin42, a sweetheart who's masterful at one liners and y'all should follow him
Jan 12, 2022 • 5 tweets • 4 min read
wife: I saw a baby on the way to work
me: how do you know?
wife: how do I know I saw a baby on the way to work?
me: yeah, did it have a tiny briefcase or something?
wife: what
me: just sitting on the bus and going over expense reports while nursing
wife: stop
Oct 2, 2021 • 5 tweets • 5 min read
girlfriend: I'm seeing someone behind your back
me: *believes in ghosts* is it my grandpa
girlfriend: no I mean I'm dating them
me: lol grandpa always was a horndog
Jun 16, 2021 • 5 tweets • 4 min read
her: are you even listening to me?
me: what a weird conversation starter
see bc I wasn't listening tee hee
Jun 12, 2021 • 4 tweets • 3 min read
friend: I was named after my father
me: *aware of how time flows* correct
friend: my sister was named after my mom's younger sister
me: I need to consult with a physicist
Apr 25, 2021 • 4 tweets • 3 min read
angel: whatcha making?
god: *pressing lion into grill with spatula* tiger
hey hi, I do jokes as a hobby, follow me if you're into that and if not nbd we can still be friends :)
first draft: 
