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Carpe Donktum🔹 Profile picture
Carpe Donktum🔹
@CarpeDonktum
Eternally Sarcastic Memesmith. Content I post was "Doctored" by me 🎥 👨‍⚕️⚕️
14 subscribers
Nov 10 • 8 tweets • 1 min read
Despite what many Republicans are saying online, there are lots of perfectly valid reasons why it might take days or weeks for some states to count ballots.

In this thread, I will go into detail about some of these slow count situations and why they are perfectly normal.

1/8 .
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2/8
Sep 7 • 9 tweets • 1 min read
Some Republicans have been very unfair to the Biden/Kamala administration.

In this thread, I will extend a hand hand across the aisle and give credit where credit is due.

Biden/Harris Accomplishments Thread 1/8 .

2/8
Jul 1 • 31 tweets • 6 min read
Democrat SCOTUS Reaction Thread:

SCOTUS rules that this is a picture of a horse. Image ShareBlue: "Of course it had to be patriarchal horse, women everywhere should be scared and insulted by this ruling.

CNN: SCOTUS sides with White Horse, condemning all Black horses to a life of second rate poverty, alienated from society because of the color of their skin.
Dec 8, 2023 • 7 tweets • 2 min read
I often get asked why I don't make as many memes and videos as I used to. My prepared answer is that "I'm not feeling the inspiration and that everything is too real and too corrupted to find the humor."

And that is true, to a point, but I am going to be real with you guys... Setting aside the inspiration and too real aspect, I feel there is an element of cowardice, maybe not traditional cowardice, but I fear that what I do online may be repaid upon my family.

I'm not a rich man, monetarily, and being sued 2 years ago was lifechanging...
Apr 27, 2023 • 8 tweets • 3 min read
🧵

In 2016, I had 100 followers and really no idea how to use twitter. I opened an account in 2008 but didn't even have the app installed on my phone until 2016.

When I started making memes and posting tweets they didn't go anywhere cause no one followed me.

But I learned. I learned that replies were the best place to be seen if you didn't have a following of your own and I would reply like crazy.

Anyone with open DMs I would send my stuff to, and I will admit I probably annoyed the hell out of some people doing that.
Apr 26, 2023 • 4 tweets • 2 min read
Dear Elon,

I was scrolling through twitter today when I was assaulted by an image of Tucker Carlson. I don't follow him, none of my friends follow him, and I don't want to see him in my feed. It was bad enough that you took away all my favorite celebrities checkmarks, but now I… twitter.com/i/web/status/1… Dear Elon,

Today is day 132 of the nightmare you have created for me. Before you took over I was a well-adjusted and happy lesbian dance instructor who used twitter as a side-gig. Now instead of going to work and selling my crocheted female banana hammocks, I am force to sit at… twitter.com/i/web/status/1…
Apr 25, 2023 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
What I have learned on social media is that eventually every "influencer" has some sort of giant ego meltdown online and explodes like some cringe filled supernova. That being said, IF I DON'T GET 400,000 LIKES ON THIS POST I AM GOING TO BURN EVERYTHING TO THE GROUND. YOU HAVE 20 SECONDS TO RETWEET THIS @michaelmalice OR I WILL EXPOSE YOU.
Apr 21, 2023 • 4 tweets • 2 min read
Gofundme(@gofundme) has shut down the fundraiser that would have provided importance affirming care for @BetteMidler and over $300 to charity.

Sad. All donations are now being refunded.

I got like 60 automated emails at once.
Apr 21, 2023 • 7 tweets • 4 min read
Dear Bette,
I heard the tragic news, and I couldn't stand by and watch you suffer. I have set up a gofundme to raise the $8 for your blue checkmark

Any money raised OVER that amount will go to a charity choosen by @elonmusk

Be the wind beneath her wings
gofund.me/1b8051f2 HUGE UPDATE

After just a few minutes we have already raised the 8 dollars that @BetteMidler couldn't raise in 2 months!

Thank you @Marsupial_Gamer for the generous donation!

Any further donations will go to charity. Image
Apr 13, 2023 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
As a 3rd grade teacher, I often talk about Jesus with my students, they are so excited to hear about my faith. They point to the cross on wall and ask me about the resurrection.

Some have gotten baptized in the sink, as long as they don’t tell their parents. It’s our secret. I hope this doesn’t get me fired, please don’t share this to libs.
Mar 30, 2023 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
The response to #MyStruggle has been so positive and has really lifted my spirits, but I think we can do more.

It isn't enough that we share our stories, we need to organize, and demand affirmation from the general public.

We need to know who is with us or against us. In a world where bigots can lurk around every corner, we need some way to identify the threats we face every day, before they can hurt us.

We could have everyone take a transally pledge of solidarity, and the people unwilling to pledge wear a badge of some sort?

So much safer.
Mar 29, 2023 • 5 tweets • 2 min read
On my first day as a real woman, I have already been misgendered 3 times by my wife, but I am a strong woman, and I will push on through the tears. Now that my transition is complete, I will be compiling my thoughts relating to this journey, my manifesto if you will.

I haven't decided on a name for it yet, but I like the sound of "My Struggle"

It will chronicle my triumphs as rid the world of impurities like cis people.
Mar 9, 2023 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
Today, I declare that J6 may no longer be invoked. It is hereby stripped of any and all powers, and is permanently banished from political discourse.

Dems lied about what happened, hid the evidence, and I no longer care.

Not one bit. You are talking to a brick wall(they work) "BUT JANAURY 6TH"

Do not care

"BUT THE INSURRECTION"

Nope, not unless you mean star trek.

"VIOLENT MAGA THUGS"

Get bent lying fool.

"OUR DEMOCRACY IS UNDER ATTACK"

Yes it is and you will get what's coming to you.
Feb 1, 2023 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
I am convinced that this whole public/private thing is the work of 4chan to make everyone look stupid and vain.

It's working. They've even got charlie doing it. Oh the humanity. Image
Jan 28, 2023 • 4 tweets • 2 min read
Hey @elonmusk, I recently sent you a proposal for @SpaceX to launch the entire government into the Sun.

I think you will find that despite the significant upfront investment, the long-term cost savings will be well worth it.

Have you had a chance to review it? I have included this graphic to demonstrate how serious this savings could be. Image
Jan 21, 2023 • 22 tweets • 4 min read
The Twitter Theory of Everything

Not everyone cares about how Engagement works on Twitter, but for those who do, this is meant to be a complete guide

I will also address why I think that some are seeing a drop in engagement and how it may not be "the algorithm."

✍️1 Before we dive in, I think we need to first define some terms and explain the various types of accounts and how they operate.

ENGAGEMENT is a term that encompasses Likes, Comments, Retweets, and Quote Tweets. It is the quantifiable amount of activity on your tweets.

✍️2
Jan 19, 2023 • 11 tweets • 3 min read
A tribute thread to CNN Atlanta.

Gone but not forgotten. RIP RIP CNN Atlanta.
Jan 10, 2023 • 12 tweets • 3 min read
Diamond and Silk:

A quick thread. I first heard of @DiamondandSilk in 2016, just as many of you did, as the raucous duo of Trump Supporting ladies who were attacked by the media for daring to support Donald Trump while being black.

I followed them and enjoyed their viral videos and mostly beat downs of the MSM.