okay, after my tweet last night, turns out y'all are into the gross stuff, apparently especially scrotal related gross stuff, so here goes -- I won't post any pictures, what y'all google is on y'alls souls.
Fournier's gangrene is a nec fasc that effects genitalia...
Nec fasc = necrotizing fasciitis = flesh eating bacteria.
Like those things you read sometimes -- "she jumped in the lake, and went to sleep, and when she woke up we'd had to amuputate three limbs"
only this time on men's junk.
I don't really know why it sometimes happens there, people say 'oh, they're unclean' or whatever, but honestly, the incidences I've seen of it seem to be usually attributable to 1) bad luck and 2) a general desire not to go into the hospital have have ppl inspect your stuff
A meta-thing in this week's What we Do in the Shadows, is them playing MUSE during the 'Twilight' kickball part, bc Stephanie Meyer is a huge MUSE fan and each of her movies got their own brand new MUSE song.
Also, that show continues to be the only good thing in this timeline.
This is the only level of fame that I aspire to, really.
Pay off my house, not have to work again, fine, but to be in a sitch where someone is, "Oh yes, to accommodate you, we'll pay Matt Goddamned Bellamy to write a song specifically for your proj."
I'd die and go to heaven.
A random thing about me, is when we did EMDR therapy for my PTSD, my therapist wanted me to come up with 3-4 deep veins of good memories to balance out the tragic covid work ones, and one of my good ones was going to @muse shows.
This is the most followers I've ever gotten in a day.
I'm getting the irrational urge to say something stupid or do something dorky to scare you new people off.
I think the thing that I'm feeling here now is the awkwardness of this being a semi-professional and branded/ing 'author' space for me...but also where I whine about why the fuck hasn't Neelix died yet, I've been watching Voyager for 7 effing seasons, WHY.
I missed an episode with the girls this afternoon, and we all have a pact, if we miss the episode where he dies, everyone will either stop viewing immediately, or everyone has to rewatch it with you.
Zomg, y'all are really getting the word out! Year of the Nurse is down to #108 on Amazon's free list & I've done 0 promo other than mention it here. I'mma do a Freeboosky on Tues, and my mailing list on Weds, but this is already super amazing!❤️❤️❤️
If you ever what fiction I wrote last year to stay sane(ish?) and happy(some!) and alive(woohoo!) it was writing this book here: an opposites attract sexy paranormal romance and charming as hellllllll. :D
Someone asked me earlier today what would happen if hospitals actually did start refusing anti-vaxers care for covid, and while that idea sounds great right now when we're angry (and may indeed kinda-sorta wind up happening via the 'magic' of private health insurance...)
we can't actually go down that slope, because that's partially what got us here -- those people, already not trusting the health care system.
If we start refusing them care directly, other than the burden they're already putting on themselves and their local EDs...
They'll assume the worst, or that they're getting subpar care (possibly true, depending on how bad their local hospital is getting crushed, but at least that's...'equally' subpar?) and these are the people who're already in denial about everything, remember?
sitting here on the couch trying to figure out what this unwarranted panic attack is all about and there are too many options, lolsob.
It started after sidechannel work gossip revealed some of my favorite and strongest coworkers have left/are leaving my hospital, and segued into generalized publishing malaise because I am tired of pushing Year of the Nurse, and oh, then, *points at covid map of US*
It's really the fact that so many of my coworkers have left that's scaring me. (Now that I'm sidechanneling w/a work friend who knows what's up with me.) Going back to work after all this was going to be stressful enough. I don't wanna be going back like the new kid in class. :/
While the venn diagram between hospital work & police work aren't 100%, they do share many similarities -- we're both forward facing to the public, we work with people from all walks of life, and we're both threatened with personal violence.
And, sometimes, sadly, people do lose their lives.
When you accidentally harm someone at the hospital, it's called an sentinel event.
Immediately afterwards a fleet of people step in and consider what happened, how to fix it, and how to stop it from ever happening again.
At my old hospital, we had a pediatric nurse float over to care for a pediatric burned patient.
She put oral oxycodone into an IV line.
Now, already, there's ways to prevent damage from taking place -- oral oxy is a vibrant pink-orange....
After having worked in an ICU this past year, I would literally get any vaccine on the market shoved into my arm, while I (& possibly the person providing it) were blindfolded, even if I knew it was mixed with lead & arsenic (which I know they aren't.)
Like they could spin the wheel of goddamned theoretical contaminants, and I'd be all, 'You know, guinea worms don't sound so bad, by comparison, shoot one of those fuckers in there too.'
We've left the ppl of Flint, MI waiting this whole effing time to get their pipes cleaned up, you drink water out of plastic bottles in neon colors all day, you think Starbux is healthy, and everyone likes to feed their livers wine.
Texting my dad with quarantine instructions for himself and everyone in my brother's household and everyone they saw over Xmas.
While at work.
Taking care of covid patients.
My current pt, I asked our MD what the plan is, and he was all, "find more people to carry the coffin" -- by which he means involve a few more services, so we can get this family to understand that the patient won't make it.
My husband asked if I should come home.
Can't change anything for my mom, she's 3 states away.
Can't bone over my coworkers. My patient is a 1:1, we're gonna be short at 11 as is.
Told him my plan was just to be a mess on twitter so here we are.
My elderly parents, who I, even as an ICU RN, could not talk out of making a cross country move and visiting all of their relatives along the way, are in Texas now.
My aunt and uncle who they saw in AZ are now covid positive and my mom is sick.
I just want to throw up and cry.
If my mom does have covid, which seems likely, seeing as they visited my aunt/uncle 2 days prior to their positive diagnosis -- they hung out with my brother's wife's whole family on Christmas, including her elderly parents as well.
I try and I try and I do nothing but try and for what?
What is even the point of all this trying?
I am breaking myself and for why or who or who the fuck cares?
It's really frustrating to not have the right words to explain all this covid/nursing as someone who writes professionally.
When you're a writer you're used to thinking, 'There's some perfect way to explain this experience. If I keep trying, I'll get it right, and people will understand me. I can make this experience universal. I can change lives.'
I keep trying, and there's just...not.
I feel like a whiner. We're merely full, but not slammed. But I can't help but see what's coming for us. And feel how disposable our lives and the candlewicks of our souls seem to be.