Sajid Javid says Boris Johnson spends every minute on the Covid response. What about his dinners at the Garrick Club with Charles Moore, or trying to break Parliamentary rules to save Owen Paterson, visiting Peppa Pig World, embarrassing himself at the CBI, I mean I could go on. Ok I’ll go on. Hosting quizzes, antagonising France, hyping up COP26, underdelivering at COP26, causing an HGV crisis, breaking promises on new railways, claiming his own Northern Ireland protocol is unworkable, airlifting dogs instead of people, dumping raw sewage into rivers…

ELECTION THREAD!
Dearest Earthlings, I am proud to present my full manifesto for the 2021 London Elections. It is a fully-costed suite of policies which marries fiscal responsibility, social awareness, and not being an anti-vaccine nutjob. This is my 21-Point Plan for ‘21...! ✅ London Bridge to be renamed after Phoebe Waller.

✅ #HammersmithBridge to be repaired, and renamed Wayne after the former England international footballer.

✅ Croydon to get a facelift, ironically.

✅ No shop to be allowed to sell a croissant for more than £1.

1/8

HELLO! I was Lord Buckethead in the 2017 Election but I have since renounced my peerage, partly because I promised to abolish the Lords and I'm a politician who keeps my promises, and partly because of an unfortunate battle on the planet Copyright. This has left me unbowed but... I have a new-found appreciation of the likes of Boss Cat, @WWE and @AFCWimbledon. While I was at it, I thought I’d give myself a promotion (I’m not a fool) and so I humbly present myself to you anew! Because #ItsTimeForSurrealChange