OK, here's my Olympics cricket pitch: cricket, but with style points rather than runs. Batters submit the shots they plan to play beforehand like gymnasts with their routines. You start your program with a leave and a satisfying nurdle, then a straight drive and then it's go time Can you land that switch hit followed by reverse sweep? You'd better, the Sri Lankans landed two leaping scoop shots and Antigua is rumoured to have a double switcher.

Views on Mankads are like arseholes; we all have one and we should mostly keep them out of public view. I know this. People, I know this. After this, I’m really going to try to be good. But please, let me just do this one thing, then shut up. Because here’s the thing. I love cricket culture, and I’ve come to feel really at home in it. The Mankad debate is one of the few times, however, when I feel like what I really am – a foreigner from Not Cricketania who came to the sport as an adult.