4 Ways the Concept of Trauma Bonding Works Against Survivors

'The domestic violence field is littered with concepts and terms that focus on the survivor (not the perpetrator)...' 🧵

@SafeandTogether @davidgmandel

safeandtogetherinstitute.com/4-ways-the-con… 'Some of these concepts and terms include: learned helplessness, codependency, Stolkholm Syndrome, and trauma bonding.

These terms and concepts blame victims for the choices of the perpetrator.'

Mothers who support their children in relation to their father's domestic abuse are often told they are 'being emotionally inappropriate', 'oversharing', or 'alienating'.

A thread on why this way of thinking is WRONG 🧵 This way of thinking relies on the idea that domestic abuse is something between the parents that children are unaffected by.

However, that idea is very out of date. In the Domestic Abuse Act 2021, the UK Gov. said that any child in these homes is a victim in their own right.

I was delighted to learn that my research on children and coercive control was extensively cited in this legal ruling decided on June 5, 2023 in Family Court, Kings County, NY.

The ruling shows how a father who is coercively controlling a mother is neglecting their children🧵 twitter.com/i/web/status/1… Here is the recent US Family Court ruling that cites my coercive control research

@DurhamSociology @CRiVADurham @SheraFamily @custodypeace

law.justia.com/cases/new-york…

Thread on disability (including invisible disabilities) & abuse. 1 in 5 people are disabled 🧵

Disabled women, children & men are more likely to experience abuse.

Disabled women are twice as likely to experience domestic abuse, & experience it for longer before seeking support. Disabled people experiencing domestic abuse are twice as likely to have considered suicide.

They are more likely to be experiencing DA from a family member and from a current partner.

Women with disabilities are 15% more likely to have experienced coercive control.

The belief system of 'parental alienation', where a child's dislike of a parent is attributed to the 'brainwashing' of the other parent, is deeply problematic.

One way it is super problematic is that it is adult-centred, & ignores children's own views. Long🧵 When a parent alleges they've been 'alienated' this often (though not always) comes to dominate the narrative about what's happened.

Professionals & communities often don't stop to ask the child with a genuinely open mind - 'what's happened?'

David Mandle, Safe & Together Institute:

'This is the book on coercive control and children that professionals and survivors have been waiting for.

By giving the voices of mothers and their children equal weight, Dr Emma Katz elegantly lays bare the flimsily and...' 'artificial walls, created by professionals, between domestic violence and child maltreatment. Driven by in-depth interviews, and punctuated with powerful quotes, this book is a journey into the everyday, crazy-making, scary, painful, petty minutiae of coercive control.'

Here is a really excellent new article on post-separation abuse, free to read:

I highly recommend taking a look

onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/ja… 'Post-separation abuse can be defined as the ongoing, willful pattern of intimidation of a former intimate partner including legal abuse, economic abuse, threats and endangerment to children, isolation and discrediting and harassment and stalking.'

Yes. And saying 'it's gendered' doesn't mean there are zero male victims- there are male victims.

It means acknowledging that men are the perpetrators & women the victims-survivors of the vast majority of severe, repeated DA, & wider gender inequalities play a big role in this.

https://twitter.com/resilientheard/status/1529499205290573824

Saying domestic abuse has 'no gender' is misleading because it stops us from doing the things that would really help the great majority of survivors - tackling perpetrators' & communities ideas about masculinity, authority, violence & control.

Books on domestic abuse and coercive control that I would highly recommend.🧵

1. In Control: Dangerous Relationships and How They End in Murder by Jane Monckton Smith

smile.amazon.co.uk/Control-Danger… 2. See What You Made Me Do: Power, Control and Domestic Abuse by Jess Hill

smile.amazon.co.uk/See-What-You-M…