So, there's a phrase I hear from some of my private coaching clients, one that comes up a *lot*: "Ok, Andrew Tate is an awful person, but his stuff has to work, right? Otherwise how would he..."

My dude let me stop you right there. Tate's shit doesn't work. Tate LIES. 🧵 Now I don't mean that he lies about his results – he does, he's a grifter, that's his whole thing – but that's not my point.

Tate doesn't woo women with charm or sex appeal or whatever. Tate's game is two-fold: he identifies vulnerable women and he cons them. That's it. /2

While the characters and stories are interesting, the show's done a poor job at demonstrating why Mandalorians, especially the Children of the Watch are special or compelling. Mando's adherence to The Way is mostly a "because the script says" than a "ah, I understand why" note.

https://twitter.com/brodiewankenobi/status/1632798571622973441

This is in some ways the opposite of the American History X or Fight Club problem. In those, the director makes the group so compelling – to show why the protagonist gets invovled – that folks forget they're awful. Mandalorian tells us The Way is important but doesn't show why.

Alright, I'm gonna be real for a second: I feel really similarly about Twitter. At the risk of sounding glib, I'm kinda getting tired of billionaires fucking up my job because they got bored or didn't handle the divorce well and decided to wave their dick around. /1

https://twitter.com/brockway_llc/status/1588556831731126272

Facebook was a massive, MASSIVE driver of traffic to my site. My professional page was a huge part of how my audience found me and my work and shared it with others. Then Zuck decided to change how pages worked and oops, there went literally half of my traffic. /2

...I really wish people who want advice would quit doing coy word games around their more *ahem* problematic interests like I'm an idiot who won't know exactly what they mean and just *say* it.

Not just because it's insulting but because it's *relevant to the advice*. Yeah, I know, you don't want to be another piece of steak thrown to the hungry commentariat, but mon ami, there are options if you don't want to risk going that route. Ones that guarantee you a private reply!

But also let's be real: you know what some of my advice will be.

OK I know I said I was done but one more thing that comes to mind, because it ties into poor decisions and mistakes folks make, MYSELF VERY MUCH INCLUDED: the whole speed-run thing and trying to get immediate results when meeting people.

Especially getting laid THAT NIGHT. /1

https://twitter.com/DrNerdLove/status/1574410427676516352

One of the things that fucked *me* up – and i see other folks fall into this trap ALL THE TIME – is getting locked in a "go out, meet someone, have sex that night" mindset. Treating a same-night lay as an ultimate end-goal, w/ "date" and "got her #" as second and third place. /2

I have thoughts about all of this (because of course I do) but at the moment I'm mostly amused at the QTs that're divided between "silly females don't know what they want, do it anyway" and "This is why I gave up on ever dating".

But there're two things that stick out to me. /1

https://twitter.com/datepsych/status/1574201792518406144

First, as the OP notes, there's a difference between what guys are worried about and what women in that survey say makes someone creepy. Just approaching and trying to start a conversation *isn't* one of them.

(More on that in a second)

It's more "acting like a stalker. /2

I've joked before about how as I've grown up, I've empathized way more with Benny from Rent than the rest of the crew, but the more I work with people on their relationships, the more I'm starting to sympathize with Maureen as well.

No. For real. We're basically set up to think of her as a self-centered, self-important asshole and she is.

She's also someone who has stated exactly who she is and keeps dating people who absolutely REFUSE to accept this in any way, shape or form and then get mad at HER for it.

As I’m paying for groceries, the cashier looked over at me and asked “so how do you want to do this?”

Me: um, credit?
Then: yes but how do you want to do this?
Me: … credit?
Them: *points at my hat*
My hat: Look, normally I don’t I pick up on nerd shibboleths, but I am VERY low on coffee today

It's fascinating how, after having done this job for more than a decade (!!!!) I can tell exactly which forums some folks are browsing by the keywords and concerns in their letters to me.

It gets especially fun when you get the combo of r/foreveralone and the latest incel group. There's a *reason* why I've been putting a lot of emphasis on "get the fuck offline" in my advice lately — even when talking about online dating.

These are dudes doing the dating equivalent of searching their symptoms on WebMD. Congratulations, it's CancerSyphilAIDS!

One piece of advice I give nerds whenever they have one of those moments of “but what does this mean??” is to take people at face value.

Nerds — and anyone who grew up being told they’re smart or gifted — overthink EVERYTHING.

We think it’s a superpower. It’s not. /1 The problem with being told you’re smart are the times when that intelligence and cleverness is tested. If it’s part of your identity, you tend to believe everything is about seeking the clever option or that EVERYTHING is a test.

But the world doesn’t work that way. /2

Based off today's column: what's the best way you've encouraged someone to flirt with you or hit on you, or that someone has used to let YOU know they were interested?

https://twitter.com/DrNerdLove/status/1418591125439348738

I still remember back in college when a girl I casually knew came in to where I was working on cartoons for the paper and started talking with me about anime and mentioned she had a horror movie back in her room that she wanted to watch but was too scared to watch alone. - c -

It's fascinating what will suddenly unlock understanding.

I've been listening to a lot of @iwriteok's Behind The Bastards, but a recent episode made a few things suddenly snap into place about groupthink and negative reinforcement, esp. how it can run counter to expectations. /1 In the episode about Synanon, Robert Evans and @PFTompkins talk about Synanon's practices, especially "The Game", where Synanon clients sit in a circle and take turns getting VICIOUSLY roasted by everyone around them. Just straight insulted and abused and being accused of shit /2

Today's gentle dating advice: that "experiment" you saw involving online dating apps is almost certainly bullshit for a very large number of reasons starting with the magic phrases "insufficient sample size" and "no control group" and also "that's not how this works." And honestly, that's before we get to the "dudes with grudges trying to 'prove' that women are lazy/crazy/hypergamous and the game is rigged" as well as "somebody absolutely doesn't understand the Pareto Principle and how it doesn't track to attraction and dating".

I am, once again, begging nerds to consider the source before taking the opinions of strangers' opinion as gospel, especially when involving something that hits you emotionally.

Just because it lines up with what you're afraid of doesn't make it true or even relevant. If your feeling is "these strangers on this subreddit/YouTube channel/particular string of Tumblrs says that X means I will never do Y" consider: maybe they're bitter assholes or shit-stirrers who say awful things for clout or who just MAY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT.

Gentlemen, something important to remember: just because YOU don't see it or recognize it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist or isn't happening.

Understanding this — particularly where it comes to dating and attraction — makes all the difference in the world. /1 The most common example of this: "women don't need to do anything to get attention, they just need to exist".

Guys who think this have not talked to women.

(We will set aside the difference between "attention" in general and "WANTED attention" and come back to it later.)

/2

Watching Cobra Kai, plus a lot of the manosphere plus the insurrectionists has put me in a mind of the idea of "the world's hard, so I have to make you hard to succeed" and how much that's used to justify... well, pretty much everything. But mostly abuse. /1 You see this outlook all over the place if you make even a cursory glance at just about anything, but *especially* media on the right. The outrage over "PC culture" or, as most of us call it "not being an asshole". Railing against things like banning hazing or spanking. /2

Since this is going around, a few thoughts.

First: this is not a hot take. It's a *stupid* take, but it's also not uncommon at *all*. Mostly around people who are really insecure about relationships and should get their shit sorted with a therapist instead of dating. /1 Second: Sooooo it's ok for gay and lesbian married couples to have same-sex friends then? Or did someone forget that same-sex married couples exist?

Or is it just that someone assumed that same-sex relationships are doomed to failure because reasons so oh well? /2

This thread reminds me of something (well, ONE thing) about this gawdawful book I read a couple years ago. The main character was a bestselling author who apparently got the Standard Rich and Famous contract from the end from The Muppet Movie.

https://twitter.com/seananmcguire/status/1333096437324779520

Literally, one of the perks of his having written ONE (1) best-selling novel wasn't just the introduction to the New York Literatti set but becoming a bonafide celebrity who kept getting recognized in the street by randos.

This made me think "So I see you've watched Castle..."

I swear, one of the worst tricks we men have ever played on ourselves was equating emotional intimacy with *sexual* intimacy.

The fear of "Oh god this might be gaaaaaaaay" has left men so lonely and in so much pain it's unbelievable. It's not really a surprise that guys on the whole tend to have smaller social circles and the relationships they have are shallower and less fulfilling.

We're so averse to doing the things it takes to make a deeper, more lasting connection that we let things wither.

Watching people react both to Kumail Nanjiani getting crazy ripped (phwoar) and also his comments about the effort it took is... interesting.

The problem is that I don't think even his "refreshingly honest" comment about what it took is gonna make a dent. In a way it's kind of the Fight Club/American History X/Wolf of Wall Street problem: there's going to be so much "woah, look at how AWESOME this is" that people are going to neglect or overlook the part about "hey it took A YEAR OF DOING NOTHING ELSE AND DISNEY'S RESOURCES"

Even if you feel like it’s unfair, just take the L and go. Nobody has EVER argued their way out of being creepy.

https://twitter.com/redditships/status/1132345645824712705

Incidentally, since I've seen a few "well they wouldn't have rejected him if he was Leonardo DiCaprio" or something come out of the woodwork.

A) wanna bet?

https://twitter.com/reesefinchs/status/1132348454146064384

B) Cool story bro but he wasn't Leo. Shit don't transfer like that.