something something explosions in occupied Feodosiya. Kerch Bridge closed.

glorious air defense doin



sounds big if they're admitting it.t.me/breakingmash/5… meanwhile, (prob unrelated) ruscist mass media & telegram is reporting internet cable feeding Crimea from Orcistan has been damaged and the dial up might need an extra hamster wheel:
t.me/Crimeanwind/50…

Good morning, Sevastopol!
Is it hard to sleep?

"Fire in a non-civilian building in Kilen-Balka area caused presumably by a missile attack" -fake Governor of Crimea.

t.me/astrapress/376…
ba-ba-ba-vovna!

I don't want to dwell on this Belgorod abnormal ammo descent off the Su-34, but- oh, whom am I kidding? I DO, I DO wanna dwell!!
In any case, there's been a bit of reporting that the bomb never detonated, just fell. If you look in the nested thread, we discuss it there, but

https://twitter.com/EPICGOPFAIL/status/1649165641444728833

there's ample evidence the bomb DID detonate:
-in the video I posted yesterday, the sounds of the jet+detonation are both heard
-flipped car on the roof of a nearby grocery store
&
there's this other video circulating today:
-0:09 you see the impact of the bomb
- 0:28 detonates

Russian Ministry of Defense reports "abnormal descent of ammunition from the Su-34 onto Belgorod": ria.ru/20230420/belgo…
several houses denazified

these fuckers are stealing my material!
cc: @awkekward this appears to be the video:
sound of jet flyover at 0:32, bomb drops & detonates at 0:52
reports this was a 1.5 ton bomb intended for Kharkiv.

N.Novgorod Deputee Gov Petr Bannikov to personally re-measure the 4000m2 warehouse fire because bavovna looks round, not square.
nn-now.ru/zamgubernatora… UPDATE
Numerous sources report the fire has been upgraded to 4500m2 and the warehouse to an "enterprise for production of plastics and synthetic resins".

round babovna has been promoted to "curvy" by request.

there's now also a fire helicopter involved & a traditional russian

UMARF Druid Defense Department (DDD) brings you, with curtsey & a hat tips to @BooBookBooze,

Christmas Strikes Back!
hopefully a thread
of Christmas trees fighting back in russia.
Dateline: Murmansk, Jan 9, 2023

Notice, how she takes aim, then adjusts target Dateline: Tomsk, January 9th, 2023
This one is lit!

tomsk.kp.ru/online/news/50…

Moving along with 🇷🇺#FireBus Bingo, we find ourselves in Lipetsk on the intersection Papin [Daddy's] & Young Naturalist streets at this green MAZ bus with a burning tire & brake rotor/pad. Or drum
Matt will know.
Mrs Lipetsk not disfigured in this incident
gorod48.ru/news/1938333

https://twitter.com/EPICGOPFAIL/status/1612124703682080773

Oh, crap, forgot to yell out the numbers!
That's what happens when one is distracted by the beauty of the young naturalists.

Arestovych is back after a 4 day absence on FeiginLive.

Potyomkin Island in Dniepro delta(?) near Kherson where Ru moved two battalions last month now has a 🇺🇦flying over it. What happened to the 2 Ru battalions?
Poof.

He mentions Makeevka hit, & says in these four days there were at least 5 similar, be it smaller scale hits on Ru troops: 2 in Kherson reg, 1 in Tokmak + 3 in Donetsk/Luhansk.

This is in addition to any ammo & equipment storages

Mobik suicide in Kursk Peoples Republic:
57 yo Sr. Lieutenant Alexander Ivanov of St. Petersburg shot himself using his issued sidearm. Meanwhile, in Belgorod Peoples Republic, a border guard on watch shot a locag. The man in serious condition, now treated at a local hospital for a leg wound. Acc to reports, he failed to stop at a warning. Due to ammo shortages there are no warning shots
fontanka.ru/2023/01/03/719…

This is a translation of Ian Matveev's thread on Makeevka: why it's not a singular event & is bound to repeat:
"Why the destruction of a mobik battalion in Makeevka is not a 1-time mistake & can't be fixed by Ru,meaning it'll be repeated. Explaining in a short thread ⬇️" The crux Ru mobiks were packed in a jr college building in Makeevka w amm & equipment. ZSU learned of that & destroyed the battalion w HIMARS. Ru Mil journos howl dissonantly what a terrible mistake the commanders made. But everything is more difficult! 1/

For the fans of puzzles, a very Happy New Year from the UMARF Arts & Crafts Unit of the Arts Criticism Department:

This is a diy project for the entire family.

Today happens to be the birthday of the most hated Ukrainian in 🇷🇺History: Stepan Bandera en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stepan_Ba…
1/6 You can celebrate his birthday along with rusict media who bestow on Bandera & his fans the most horrific yet hysterically funny stuff:
"🇺🇦Nazis laid out Bandera's portrait out of the corpses of 🇷🇺soldiers on the battlefield to celebrate his birthday"

2/6

Explosions in the cities all across Russian Federation reported.

"Kursk, Belgorod, Moscow, Voronezh, St. Petersburg, Makeyevka, how's things? Can't sleep? Not interested in politics? What's w the face? How can we help you?" asks ZSU StratCom.

gordonua.com/news/worldnews… Block 3 at the Belgorod Nuclear Power Plant, already off-line for repairs is reported to be on fire.

it's very curious:
get an "EXCLUSIVE" only on URA.Ru

https://twitter.com/IlvesToomas/status/1609287639076671489

but when you click

Some numbers from Arestovych
on today's ruscist missile strike on Ukraine;
They start out the stream discussing this topic

1. Based on the number of the sea + air carriers, the total strike capacity today was 124 missiles.
2. However Ru only fired 69. 1/? 3. 54-56 were shot down by Ukraine of which
4. 2 were not aimed at the civilian infrastructure but were rather anti-radar types that ZSU AA destroyed
5. 4 ballistic missiles were shot down by MANPADs which is until this war was thought to be impossible: mobile AA should 2/?

In an unexpected move, 🇷🇺Central Bank announced the country will be replacing Ruble with crypto: “It’s more than an image makeover,” Nabuillina said “true, Rubble is associated with garbage, but it worked for El Salvador; it will work in Russia" [1/3]
news.yahoo.com/russian-centra… Instead of outdated "banks" Russian crypto will be held in Mausoleums effective Jan 1, 2023, she explained, and the Russian crypto coin, tentatively named "Putler" will initially be worth nothing, but could double, mb even triple in value by the spring.
putler.com

⚡️BREAKING⚡️

Dmitry Medvedev accidentally swallows Putin's Fellowship Ring with immediate subsequent collapse of brain function, sparking rumors:

reuters.com/world/europe/s…

https://twitter.com/EPICGOPFAIL/status/1607852084547784706

UPDATE
UNCONFIRMED

Kremlin sources report ring was not swallowed by accident after all.
It was a on bet or dare.
UMART continues to monitor the ring story.

BREAKING
In what some will dismiss as satire,

Putin creates A Fellowship of the Ring, forging his Precious in Mt Doom FIRES of Mordor:
meduza.io/en/news/2022/1… Putin, of course, disguised his Precious & gave 8 fakes to fellow 'Stans. [Putin body doubles got silver/penis rings. eprimefeed.com/latest-news/th…
So now, as added bonus, finally, a real Putin can be id'ed]

Since somehow there are STILL questions about how a mobile coffee house can catch fire, guess we'll have to do another mobile firecafe Q&A:

1)This is not uncommon. Stop clutching pearls:
5 years ago, almost to date, same Rostov bat channel:
rostov.ru/incidents/mobi…
Pugeout van

https://twitter.com/EPICGOPFAIL/status/1607474153325461505

2) UMARF will not retract that it was the owner's 20yo friend who got burned, & not the owner himself, though now there are competing accounts of the victim:
rostovgazeta.ru/news/2022-12-2…
Same source cites "coffee getting too hot" as the raison d'etre of the establishment & its demise

Great tweet that stirred something in this old fart into sharing:

If you are unfamiliar with Ru Potato Revolts or Potato Rebellion, en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Potato_ri… this will be my non-denominational Christmas gift to you 🥔 🧵:

https://twitter.com/chuckles_candy/status/1607526958195253249

Until Peter The Great Russia was a complete backwards shithole still recovering from 300 year rape by Genghis Khan [1280 to present].
A child, Peter was sent to Netherlands to save from palace intrigue & assassination attempts in Russia.
He grew up with Western education & values

"Bulgarian Parliament gave its final approval for supplying arms to Ukraine, - Sofia Globe
Last week the deputies voted to confirm the weapons list; the list is classified"

imho, this is a much bigger deal than it appears.
very short 🧵

https://twitter.com/antiputler_news/status/1603854488221192204

Bulgaria has one of the largest stockpiles of the old Soviet ammo, about 150,000 metric tons, per Trent Terenko

https://twitter.com/TrentTelenko/status/1559030398843248640?s=20&t=r4-xuX4ufEwxMiI8yWZhdw

who penned the best OSINT thread on old Soviet ammo available to Russia - it's long, but really worth a read to understand wtf Russia is firing

they say it's contained at 2500m2 now:
ircity.ru/text/incidents…
& actually cite the Nov 27th fire when a 250m2 heat exchanger perished in a blaze of glory.

so, 10X increase in 18 days, not too shabby.
in our world @udarnik exponential growth is commonly associated w bacterial :)

https://twitter.com/EPICGOPFAIL/status/1603199045593341952

Witnesses saw an explosion prior to the fire. Windows shattered [photo] in nearby buildings.
[UMARF deduces the microwave in the photo is a red herring with the herring actually missing & likely eaten cold. Same w the drill, but uneaten]

ircity.ru/text/society/2…