There are moments I get so filled w/ grief’s bottomless bit of hopeless despair that I cry & wail in the shower or into a pillow

There are moments where the grief I cannot tamper where it combusts into rage where all I can do is scream into a pillow until I deplete myself. It’s all that I’ve lost.
It’s the triggers of all trauma I’ve endured, hitting in new ways sending the messages of being too much & my communication not being understood or understood as a person. It’s the disconnection that comes from having requests not fit into others lives