After being evaluated, diagnosed as dysphoric, and handed testosterone (in a few months) and then a double mastectomy in rapid succession in my 20s, my mental health broke.

I became a malnourished alcoholic. My doctor told me I was dying.

This is me before detox: I was less than 45kg at arrival. My heart rate was concerningly high, my gums were swollen and bleeding. I was peeing and vomitting blood. I hadn't slept for 72+ hours. I needed nurses to help me walk, and would faint randomly due to how weak I was.

This wasn't easy to write, nor post, but since I've shared so much with you all over the years, I'm doing it anyway in case I don't make it.

My health is bad. Very bad. My alcoholism has damaged my stomach and my liver. Badly. My thyroid is fucked.

1/x My B12 levels are so low, I'm clinically malnourished. I have fallen to 47kg. My gums have started to bleed. The withdrawals have gotten so bad, I vomit every morning, and sometimes there's blood.

I'm fainting a lot, and I tremble all the time. My heart is constantly pounding.

2/x

Do you want to know one of the main reasons I detransitioned? Because even while taking cross-sex hormones and getting my breasts removed, I was still undeniably female - just not by appearance.

But my body, behind closed doors, was undeniably female.

Why?

1/3 What man gets a period when his testosterone levels aren't high enough? None.

What man needs to take a pregnancy test after sex? None.

What man has a fucking vagina? None.

Even in transition, my body was screaming I'M FEMALE.

NO amount of social affirmation changed that.

2/3

I harp on about my drinking, but only because it has ruled my life since 2018.

When I realised transition was a mistake, that the testosterone had permanently changed my body for the worst, that my breasts were gone forever, alcohol was my only solace. It numbed everything. When I went to therapy for transition regret and they downplayed the severity, I drank.

When I started speaking online and got rape and death threats, I drank.

When I touched my numbed chest and felt nothing, I drank.

Anyone else remember, back in the 2010s, when you wanted to be kind and inclusive and you were willing to compromise; use preferred pronouns, say "trans women are trans women, not men" etc.

Then the LGBTQ+ took it way too fucking far, now you're no longer willing to "be kind"? I was there for you. I spoke out in defense of trans women using the women's bathroom.

I spoke out in defense of preferred pronouns.

Then you came for kids.

You - the LGBTQ+ did this.

Not the feminists.
Not the GCs.
Not the Conservatives.

You destroyed trans acceptance.

Want to drink badly. The thoughts are back. I've already ruined my body, why not go back on T and end it all faster? Being sober sucks. It makes you realise the extent of the damage. I wish I never transitioned. This is hell. Why. Why did they give me HRT and surgery. I was 24. Gonna buy beer.

My addiction counsellor: it's perfectly normal to relapse now and again

Me: *who has relapsed more times than I can count* haha yeah that's crazy

Anyway, I'm 3 days sober and feel like death. Withdrawal still here, but lessening.

2023 will be my year ✊️ Day 4. Severe shakes but no sweats. Racing heart but no crippling anxiety. No nausea. Tingling in fingers. General numbness. Fatigue.

I will not drink with you today.

97+ thousand followers, 4 hours since posting, 1 like. Lmao.

So let's hear it people; how would you define adult, human and female? (While we're all pretending to be children who don't understand the most basic of basic common sense.) 1. An adult is someone who has reached the age of maturity, which is the age at which they are legally recognized as an adult in their country or state - this age varies from country to country and may range from 18 to 21 years old.

I see people trying to blame the shooters actions on testosterone.

I took testosterone for 5 years, and never once did I consider hurting little kids. The vast majority of trans men don't.

The shooter didn't commit that evil act because of testosterone. It's bigger than that. I'm not saying testosterone doesn't have an effect. It does - I was angry and aggressive on it - but it doesn't make you commit mass murder.

Ideology, more than HRT, is to blame here. Trans ideology teaches "they want to wipe you out, fight back."

That's the battle here.

Oh my God 🤣

I just asked ChatGBT to write a rap battle between JK Rowling and Nicola Sturgeon and I'm absoulutly howling - you guys have to see this shit!

Imcomming: Nicola Sturgeon:

I'm Nicola Sturgeon, leading Scotland to the top,
Fighting for equality, and never gonna stop.
You may have a wand, but I've got the power,
To lead this nation, every single hour.

My friends, I want to speak to you today about something very close to my heart, my belated contribution to #detransawarenessday

That is, the journey of those who have experienced transition regret and chosen to detransition. I hope it brings some comfort to you all.

1/ The pain of feeling trapped in a body that does not feel like your own is something that only those who have experienced it can truly understand. And yet, for many of us, the path of transition does not bring the relief and happiness that we so desperately crave.

2/

This month marks 3 years of me being open about my detransition on here. Let me tell you how that's went.

At first TRAs and their allies just completely refused to acknowledge detransition. I was called a liar, fake, shill and (funniest of all) a right-wing Christian sock.

1/ In my naivety, I posted photos of my testosterone and double mastectomy scars – thinking it would right the wrong. Prove a point.

I was mocked relentlessly and threatened – called a freak who should kill themselves. Over and over again. That's when the threats started.
2/

I have fought long and hard within myself to overcome my transition regret. It has been over 4 years since I realised transition was a mistake, and it has been been 3 years since I detransitioned.

It has gotten easier. I have managed to build such a large and - understanding support network who have rallied around me time and time again. When I tried to drink myself to death, the stopped me.

I am still here, only due to the kindness and compassion of all of you.

While it has gotten easier with time, it has never become *easy*.

I have had a long time to think about my experience with gender dysphoria, medical transition and detransition by now. I can promise you there's no question I haven't asked myself, though I still don't have all the answers.

What I do know is this:

1/x When I first arrived at my gender clinic in 2015 I had:
A history of depression, including self-harm and suicide attempts
4 mental breakdowns, including a psychiatric hospital stay due to dissociation
No gender dysphoria in childhood
No desire to transition prior to my 20s

2/x

AN OPEN LETTER REGARDING DR JACK TURBAN

I sent this letter to Dr Jack Turbans training director on August 10th 2021, hoping to keep this offline.

I publish it now because I have received no reply. It is long, but important.

Here it is in full:

1/ I am writing to you on behalf of a group of detransitioned women regarding your fellow Dr Jack Turban. We are deeply concerned with Dr Turban's disparagement of psychiatric intervention and exploratory psychotherapy, his singular endorsement of affirmative therapies for people 2/