Between the years of 1993 and 2009, police in Heilbronn, Germany were tracking just about the most elusive serial killer since Ted Cruz.
Known as the Phantom of Heilbronn, or occasionally The Woman Without A Face, she was implicated in so many crimes that the police eventually put out a reward of €300,000 for any information leading to her arrest.
The doctor, for reasons he didn't take time to note down, believed that the soul had physical mass and thus it should be possible to weigh it.
He had the imagination to believe that a piece of soul magically departs your body when you die, possibly to live in a heaven-like place for eternity, but thought it unrealistic that this couldn't be weighed like a bag of flour.
You've probably heard the urban legend about what happens if you sneeze with your eyes open.
Well, you'll be pleased to have it confirmed that your eyeballs do not pop out of your sockets like champagne corks.
The air spaces in the nose and throat aren't connected to anything behind the eye, meaning that there's no way a sneeze can create pressure that would force your eyes to shoot out and dangle around like a game of swingball.
When Big Ben bonged for Brexit, Mark Francois came so loud he startled the pigeon that lives atop his hobbit hole. He was never heard from again.
When the German car manufacturers failed to show, Davis cracked. After years spent walking Europe attempting to negotiate with individual member states, he went missing. There are rumours if you believe enough in Brexit he emerges from the hills of Austria like a yeti.
Untethered by the human rights act, Priti Patel’s reign of terror was only ended when she accidentally ate Italian food and was forced to deport herself.
You may not have heard of l'Inconnue de la Seine but there's a good chance you've kissed her on the mouth, in a manner of speaking.
In the late 1880s, a body was discovered drowned in the Seine in Paris. Nobody really knows what happened to her, though it's speculated that it was by suicide. More importantly, nobody knew who she was either.
Quick thread on why the third best Christmas film (Gremlins) is so goddamn good
I didn't watch Gremlins until last year when Empire (go buy Empire, it is great) made me watch it. Despite years of outraged insistence that I should see it, I refused to add another Christmas film to my already massive list. Especially not Gremlins.
A Muppet Christmas Carol is the perfect Christmas film. It's even the definitive version of a Christmas Carol and Charles Dickens was an idiot to think he could novelise it.
Nowadays if you want to complain it's as easy as tagging Coca Cola and calling them a cunt. You move on with your day safe in the knowledge that you made some poor social media manager out there a bit sad.
Before this you'd have to fax them, and call them "ye olde cunt", as was the custom of the 1980s. Way back in 1750 BC, however, you'd have to really be pissed in order to complain, because it involved taking a chisel and twatting it into a stone.
Whilst Winston Churchill is trending, a short thread from my first book about how he helped cause a famine that killed more than 3 million people: amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B07…
If in the Avengers Thor flew down, killed Thanos and saved the universe, then turned around and started twatting orphans with his hammer there would many articles written about how "ok bravo on killing Thanos but I think we need to talk about how Thor is a bit of a mixed bag".
Well, Churchill, one of Britain's greatest heroes, who stood up to Hitler (with the help of many allies) and won, also caused the death of 3 million people in India, and we should probably acknowledge that a bit.
Imagine being a scientist, studying for years, working for more, discovering a vaccine for a new disease, rigorously testing it and producing all the data, getting it through peer review and then being told the public won’t trust it until they hear the phrase “Biggins is in”
Look I’m happy that you got to play with your little test tubes and “trial phases” but I’m afraid I just have too many concern- what’s that you say? The man who played the second ugly sister every year in the Dartford Christmas panto since 2003 is taking it? PUMP IT INTO MY BLOOD
I’m aware this is a good way to reach people who might distrust the vaccine. Once again I must beg you to stop trying to fact check a joke.
I’ll give this to The Sun, they know how to sell a newspaper. I see the title ‘WEREWOLF SEIZED IN SOUTHEND’ I’m coughing up 20p to find out what the fuck they’re talking about.
Either werewolves are real or somebody’s haired up a man, and I need to know which.
‘A CRAZED ‘werewolf’,’ the story started, already implying with quotation marks that this isn’t the confirmation of werewolves I / readers were hoping for, ‘with amazing strength was seized yesterday after fighting a four-hour battle with eight terrified police’.