@KillerMartinis's Threads
Okay folks grab your bourbon because we’re doing this and tbh? It is amazingly bad. Leg-slappingly bad. The kind of bad we all hoped Ivanka’s book would be.
We’ll commence shortly!
We’ll commence shortly!
This really only happened because I was tipsy and actually wondered what the left’s plot to remake America is, the left can’t seem to get its shit together enough to really say
But this lady apparently got the memo, so! We begin!
But this lady apparently got the memo, so! We begin!
For those of you who are new here, this is part of an ongoing series in which I review silly or pseudo-important books
You can feel free to chip in on the bar tab at PayPal.me/riseandbeheard or Venmo linda-tirado-3
We’re gonna need the beer is all I’m saying, this one’s wild
You can feel free to chip in on the bar tab at PayPal.me/riseandbeheard or Venmo linda-tirado-3
We’re gonna need the beer is all I’m saying, this one’s wild
I’m out here trying to tell you how draining life is
And I wasn’t lying
But here’s my gut check for my birthday
And I wasn’t lying
But here’s my gut check for my birthday
I opened my Twitter for real in August of 2014. I’d had an account but not really used the app
Until Ferguson.
Until Ferguson.
I was in north St. Louis the first time I saw tear gas
Or mace
Or mace
IT IS TIME!
It's still only 11am on the west coast but hey, legal weed! I figure an infused ginger beer counts instead of whiskey for the first couple hours of this, right? right!
It's still only 11am on the west coast but hey, legal weed! I figure an infused ginger beer counts instead of whiskey for the first couple hours of this, right? right!
So welcome to another installment of our continuing series, in which I read books that you should know about but probably would/should never read!
We have done a few books now, I have a roundup in the first few tweets of the thread from the Woodward book here:
I am excited to add another title to this illustrious series!
I am excited to add another title to this illustrious series!
In the spirit of honest inquiry: it is wholly true that many states get back more per federal dollar that they spend, which is the narrow data that some assholes like to use as a crutch to excuse their not needing to perform solidarity
In that same spirit here is a thread!
In that same spirit here is a thread!
So, let us consider a simple tomato sold in some bastion of liberal metriplocity. Sure, something like a third of the place voted Republican, but it went blue in the end
I remind you that “red/blue” is some shit that cable networks made up to boost ratings
But let’s go with it
I remind you that “red/blue” is some shit that cable networks made up to boost ratings
But let’s go with it
So, a tomato (depending on where you go, and I’m pulling my data here from stores within distance of me when I lived in Chicago) might be $.79 apiece or $.79 a pound
I couldn’t tell you how most writers work; I never got real training or went to school or anything.
My typical style is to keep up for years with any story that I think is worth covering, which is how it comes to be that I am sitting in bar in Burns, Oregon
My typical style is to keep up for years with any story that I think is worth covering, which is how it comes to be that I am sitting in bar in Burns, Oregon
I’ve been soaking in the small-town of this place, having lived for over a year in a major city now
Been a while since I’ve spent time in a place where it’s country enough that you might show a stranger pictures of the fish you fought on your last big trip
Been a while since I’ve spent time in a place where it’s country enough that you might show a stranger pictures of the fish you fought on your last big trip
And of course the rancher showing me these pictures is a man I recognized from those weeks down on the Malheur refuge
I’m definitely the only person in a long while who’s sat at this bar with a laptop and a battery and a secondary keyboard and a deadline
These folk remember.
I’m definitely the only person in a long while who’s sat at this bar with a laptop and a battery and a secondary keyboard and a deadline
These folk remember.
I’m going to tell you a story that has no particular point and no particular ending
But it does explain millennial life
So I’m outside my motel room smoking with my good mate who’s an Iraq vet, and some kid about five or so has war toys
He throws a plastic grenade
But it does explain millennial life
So I’m outside my motel room smoking with my good mate who’s an Iraq vet, and some kid about five or so has war toys
He throws a plastic grenade
Due to the angles and the cars and the way everything is set up, we don’t see the kid. We both just see a grenade hit the middle of the parking lot about twenty feet from us.
Given my background, I immediately think it’s gas. Any canister thrown is always gas.
My mate assumes explosives, because that’s his background
My mate assumes explosives, because that’s his background
It has come to my attention that some of you are the sort that listen to “anything but country”
1. How pretentious
2. Let me explain to you how I learned feminism, in song
1. How pretentious
2. Let me explain to you how I learned feminism, in song
Here’s a song about rape culture called “quarterback” released in 2014
Here’s lorrie Morgan asking what part of no don’t you understand, in a song about men in bars who think women are just there to fuck them
Y’all five different people have DMed me to tell me that actually, a degree program will fill gaps in my knowledge
And, my friends. Syllabi are typically posted online. I read those books.
Sorry if you needed to pay someone to explain them to you, I guess?
And, my friends. Syllabi are typically posted online. I read those books.
Sorry if you needed to pay someone to explain them to you, I guess?
With all respect due to expertise and to the people with encyclopedic knowledge of the scholarship in their fields
Most undergrads are not becoming experts. Most undergrads are paying experts to give them the literal 101 in any given subject.
Most undergrads are not becoming experts. Most undergrads are paying experts to give them the literal 101 in any given subject.
It is no compliment to have a private conversation in which you tell me that I could probably keep up with you.
I already know I could; that’s how I got to where I am without participating in your accreditation programs.
I already know I could; that’s how I got to where I am without participating in your accreditation programs.
Some of y’all city folk seem to be running into a problem of imagination, as in you cannot imagine living anywhere without cell reception
Gather around, young ones, and let me tell you a tale of my long-ago youth.
The year was 1994, and people used “pay phones” to make calls.
Gather around, young ones, and let me tell you a tale of my long-ago youth.
The year was 1994, and people used “pay phones” to make calls.
Most people had phones in their houses, but if you left your house you couldn’t call anyone. You couldn’t send messages.
Things were so bad we used maps that were just PRINTED ON PAPER. We navigated by starlight and badly marked roads.
Things were so bad we used maps that were just PRINTED ON PAPER. We navigated by starlight and badly marked roads.
If you wanted to meet a friend, you had to try to call them when they were home. You would plan to meet a place around a time and then when you got there you just...waited for them to show up. There was no way for them to tell you about traffic delays and the like.
Heya #auspol it’s been a minute so I just wanted to check in on this thing I used to tell y’all back a few years ago
So remember before Trump was a thing and I was like “we’re on a bad path maybe don’t do this” and then y’all elected Turnbull and then Scomo
So remember before Trump was a thing and I was like “we’re on a bad path maybe don’t do this” and then y’all elected Turnbull and then Scomo
I still think that Australia is about a decade behind us (@NeilMcMahon can vouch that I’ve been saying this for ages) but here’s where your path leads from here if you don’t get your shit together soon
In two days we’re gonna have our Independence Day. We grill and there’s fireworks and everyone watches a Will smith movie.
This year, for the first time, we will also have tanks in Washington DC. It’s part of a military parade that our embarrassing dotard in chief wants to see.
This year, for the first time, we will also have tanks in Washington DC. It’s part of a military parade that our embarrassing dotard in chief wants to see.
So let me tell you a story about a friend of mine who called me a while ago, bewildered that Trump wasn’t complying with the law in open sight.
They’re a good sort, the kind where when they’re sort of clueless you write it off as an accident of birth; that’s their class showing.
They’re a good sort, the kind where when they’re sort of clueless you write it off as an accident of birth; that’s their class showing.
Which is to say that they come from a background where everyone is a professional and they all went to ivy schools and things are tough for anyone my age but they’ve never been truly uncomfortable. Few people in their circles have, and those who know don’t talk about it much.
(There is no way I could explain to a night cook how absolutely little these people discuss money. They discuss finance and investing and apr on various kinds of loans, but never ever money. Nor financial setbacks. It’s fucking wild, they’re all incredibly isolated by it.)
You voted! I found a bar! So tonight, we’re reading Michael Wolff’s Seige: Trump Under Fire which promises to teach us very little but from which we can learn a lot!
Let’s very briefly explain that and then I’ll start the intro
Let’s very briefly explain that and then I’ll start the intro
So, the first thing to know about this book is that all of its sources are known liars. Steve Bannon features prominently. The staffers that were allowed to remain anonymous still worked in this White House, and that tells you about their respect for reality versus spin.
Second thing is that Wolff isn’t particularly well known for his unrelenting sourcing and meticulous retellings. Mostly he’s the most accessy of access journos, by which I mean usually you don’t get invited to see the sausage being made if they don’t want or need you to.
Actually fuck it I’m a writer let me go full harsh
Dear that guy
I don’t mean the creepy dude, I mean my friend who always finds a reason I shouldn’t trust my gut
Yeah, you, the man who says “well what if he’s socially maladaptive” or “what if he’s having a bad day”
Dear that guy
I don’t mean the creepy dude, I mean my friend who always finds a reason I shouldn’t trust my gut
Yeah, you, the man who says “well what if he’s socially maladaptive” or “what if he’s having a bad day”
I want you to know that you’re the reason I never feel safe
Like I leave my house and I have to start clocking men, this is my always life, and the reason I have to do this is that you prefer your sweet fantasies and you disregard my reality
Like I leave my house and I have to start clocking men, this is my always life, and the reason I have to do this is that you prefer your sweet fantasies and you disregard my reality
I want you to know that I might be able to feel safe if you had the balls to call men out for shitty behavior but I have zero faith that you’re going to do that
But you count me as a friend
But you count me as a friend
So here’s a bit of drama that I actually wouldn’t tell you because ain’t nobody would believe it if I didn’t have witnesses
I’m sitting out back in literal tears about these fucking men abusing my kid
And I hear a woman screaming for help
I’m sitting out back in literal tears about these fucking men abusing my kid
And I hear a woman screaming for help
So obviously I run at a dead fucking drop and so does @thrashtom who might be my ex but is still the sort of man I’d have kids with
Idk where he wound up but I found the lady
Turns out it’s a family issue and they just lost a child, and ain’t nobody handling it well
Turns out it’s a family issue and they just lost a child, and ain’t nobody handling it well
It’s been 26 hours since I tweeted this. Since then:
4 IRL male friends have gotten salty at me
38 men have explained to me that I’m wrong to judge
8 men have concluded that I’m unfuckable
3 men have made threats
THAT guy is every-fucking-where
4 IRL male friends have gotten salty at me
38 men have explained to me that I’m wrong to judge
8 men have concluded that I’m unfuckable
3 men have made threats
THAT guy is every-fucking-where
You honestly can’t be a woman and comment on your own life without upsetting dudes
(Also, protip to all the ABSOLUTELY UPSTANDING men who send rape threats to women to prove that there’s worse things than bus creepers:
My dudes. I get threats like that fairly regularly. Maybe buy a thesaurus or something because y’all are not standing out from the crowd!)
My dudes. I get threats like that fairly regularly. Maybe buy a thesaurus or something because y’all are not standing out from the crowd!)
Idk how to tell this story with grace but here it is anyway because it’s a microcosm of the world we live in, where some people understand reality on levels other people never have to.
This one is about racism on so many complex levels. It doesn’t have a lesson at the end.
This one is about racism on so many complex levels. It doesn’t have a lesson at the end.
So I live in a part of Chicago that is gentrifying. The block I live on is made up of mostly white people and Puerto Rican folk.
On the corner of the street, there is recently built low-income housing, in which reside the only black folk on the block.
On the corner of the street, there is recently built low-income housing, in which reside the only black folk on the block.
In our house, which is made up two white families (one middle class born and bred and the other one mine) we have three girls aged 6, 7 and 8.
The neighbor girl next to us is about 7. Her household is multigenerational, they speak Spanish as a primary or only language.
The neighbor girl next to us is about 7. Her household is multigenerational, they speak Spanish as a primary or only language.
Hi Twitter
I’ve got a story to tell you. It’s long, and it’s rambling, and it’s both intensely personal and not my story to tell.
Welcome to poverty
I’ve got a story to tell you. It’s long, and it’s rambling, and it’s both intensely personal and not my story to tell.
Welcome to poverty
So I’m off to run an errand and I get off at Clark and lake, which is a major stop in Chicago
Off the train I run into a young couple asking strangers for change.
Off the train I run into a young couple asking strangers for change.
I tell them I don’t carry cash but I have cigarettes, which is my standard “let me both help you and not make myself a mark” response.
She says thanks but she’s pregnant.
She says thanks but she’s pregnant.
So, I covered the Bernie rally in Chicago last night. I wanted to wait until the beat reporters got their copy out before I started punditing, but a few takeaways:
That shit was WEIRD.
That shit was WEIRD.
One expects to hear a laundry list of wishes and promises in any campaign kickoff but what I heard last night was essentially a bacchanalia of impossibility. At one point he seemed to be promising to bring down interest rates in existing student loans?
my notes: “these people don’t care what is being said. They’re here for the horse race, for the participatory hate of Trump and the shared joy at being in the presence of a beloved figure who has become larger than life.”
Idk, this is one of those that hurts.
So I take my kids to the museum. It’s real clear from minute one that we ain’t the sort of people who come to the art museum.
I’ve given them the lecture.
So I take my kids to the museum. It’s real clear from minute one that we ain’t the sort of people who come to the art museum.
I’ve given them the lecture.
“Ladies, we are about to walk into some rich-people shit. I need you to behave impeccably. Do you know what impeccably means? It means we keep our hands and our voices to ourselves. If we have thoughts or feelings, we write them down to think or feel later.”
First thing we do is hit the gift shop so that both the girls have notebooks and pens to write down what they think of the art.
In the art museum ten minutes and I’m out forty bucks for Marilyn Monroe-imaged notepads with Warhol quotes on them
But we are having Experiences, so
In the art museum ten minutes and I’m out forty bucks for Marilyn Monroe-imaged notepads with Warhol quotes on them
But we are having Experiences, so
It has just been brought to my attention that some of my greatest and best followers don’t know punk
Let us very briefly introduce you all to my favored genre, because tbh if you’re dealing with fascists it’s basically punk and hip-hop doing the heavy lifting in the music world
Let us very briefly introduce you all to my favored genre, because tbh if you’re dealing with fascists it’s basically punk and hip-hop doing the heavy lifting in the music world
Anyway you remember citizens’ united? That Supreme Court decision that allowed unregulated and untrackable or “dark” money to basically run all our elections for the last decade or so?
Yeah, bad religion has a song about it and it’s a good tune:
Yeah, bad religion has a song about it and it’s a good tune:
Like come on now, the chorus lyric is “let’s say we try to get this right, said the plutocrat to Jesus Christ”
Punk’s not dead
Punk’s not dead
I had a chat about politics with a man in perhaps his fifties who told me that I needed to learn to dial back the rage if I ever wanted to run things
Buddy if you think my old-millennial ass is frightening, may I introduce you to: people a decade my junior
They’re murderous
Buddy if you think my old-millennial ass is frightening, may I introduce you to: people a decade my junior
They’re murderous
And I just wonder: do people older than us really not know how angry we are, both generally and at them specifically?
Like, I’m not mad at Feinstein for being dismissive of children doing advocacy for the defining issue of their near futures.
I’m mad at her for not understanding that those children are bigger stakeholders than she is. For thinking her “experience” made her important there.
I’m mad at her for not understanding that those children are bigger stakeholders than she is. For thinking her “experience” made her important there.
So, because @ErynnBrook has been talking about this a lot lately, I thought it might be worth talking about work and ADHD.
I think anyone with ADHD probably has the experience of searching desperately for SYSTEMS and finding a great one and then forgetting to use it
I think anyone with ADHD probably has the experience of searching desperately for SYSTEMS and finding a great one and then forgetting to use it
I found that the key for me was to find systems that scaled in complexity so that a simple project uses the same framework as a detailed or involved one.
I’ve also automated everything that I can. Half my research/data entry happens in the background.
I’ve also automated everything that I can. Half my research/data entry happens in the background.
So for example, when I tweet anything that has a link, that tweet is automatically entered into a Google spreadsheet with the date and link. Any pictures I tweet are saved into google drive. That stuff happening in the background means I don’t have to put it on my list to do.
You know, I appreciate that the middle classes are just now starting to understand what it’s like to work yourself to death and find yourself in debt for your troubles but I’m starting to like these “plight of the educated” pieces to be about as useful as the dapper fascist ones
Each of them takes a tone of wonderment, as though crushing debt and no job opportunities haven’t been the lot of the underclass since forever, as though this were some brave new world
And really it’s just that new kinds of people are running into these old problems in new ways
And really it’s just that new kinds of people are running into these old problems in new ways
It feels like thinking about Bezos getting leaked dick pics: consent and autonomy are key and everyone deserves to have them respected
Also wait what? Some billionaire dude runs into a pissed ex and suddenly the whole of the fourth estate gives a shit about privacy?
Also wait what? Some billionaire dude runs into a pissed ex and suddenly the whole of the fourth estate gives a shit about privacy?
I have many questions about the questions other people have.
Which is to say: if they were as qualified to opine as they say they are, why do they keep being surprised when they get the tiniest glimpse past the curtain?
Which is to say: if they were as qualified to opine as they say they are, why do they keep being surprised when they get the tiniest glimpse past the curtain?
Oh wait
Is it that dude journos have seriously never understood what revenge porn is and now it’s happened to a powerful dude and they fully can’t grok it?
Tell me that’s not it in the second month of the year 2019
Is it that dude journos have seriously never understood what revenge porn is and now it’s happened to a powerful dude and they fully can’t grok it?
Tell me that’s not it in the second month of the year 2019
Or are people surprised that someone got hacked or had an employee leak photos? Because there’s a whole industry built on that phenomena and idk how that’s shocking either
