1/ How do I put this?

My name is Gabe. I'm in Mississippi. This is the place looked over. The backwoods behind the boondocks. The DNC prolly doesn't even know how to spell our name. After all, what strategist would spend resources here with our history? I can't tell you there are others in the trenches here fighting, because you'd have to be insane to think we could win.
So it's a good thing I'm certified.

While we were all excited by names like Beto, Gillum /2