Anecdotally, it is believed that homeschooling teachers are turning to wine and vodka to get through the day. We have no hard data to back this up. While you're tipsy teaching, remember to not drive. Here are some lesson plans: Science: Teach little Tammy how hand washing stops your grubby hands from touching grubby surfaces that spread grubby diseases. This can and should be a practical exercise, with teacher participation.

Here’s a story about Chad and how a DUI happens-

“Yeah I’m gonna go out tonight. Probably just gonna have a couple drinks. I’ll be fine to drive, I’m not planning on getting drunk” -Chad *Chad walks into the bar. Greg and Ben are playing Golden Tee and wearing those idiotic 2020 novelty glasses.*

“Oh man Chad is here! Let’s do a round of Fireball!” -Greg

“Not tonight, driving” -Chad, making a steering wheel motion with his right hand.

The most ridiculous call of 2019 (so far)

A thread. So two officers get sent to a “road rage in progress” last night. Two unfortunate souls are dispatched to handle it. Keep in mind this is time they will never get back.

Some tips for incoming students new to town:

1. Fake IDs that you order online from China may look really really real. But when you hand us one and we run it, and it says not on file, we'll know, and you'll be back to using your McLovin ID and you'll have a court date. 2. Don't order fake IDs online from China. Do you really think it's a good idea to give your name, address, and payment information to a person in China that dabbles in fake identification?

The Lawrence Police Department is currently investigating an officer involved shooting near sixth and Vermont Street. The subject shot is being transported to an area hospital with unknown injuries at this time. Media staging area will be the southwest corner of 6th Street and Vermont Street.

Now on a perimeter for a possible residential burglary in progress. #LKPDTweetalong Officers are searching the house because the resident thought he heard someone upstairs.