45 posts in, I am truly starting to feel how freaking LONG this thread is. I have also discovered that I failed to copy all the tweets, for reasons probably involving buffer size. I'm doing the best I can, but some may disappear forever. RIP, human knowledge.

I always enjoy a good reversal of expectations, and it delights me that because Valperga was written by a woman we get a detailed description of how pretty adult Castruccio is, including discussion of his lips. Alas, befriending Italian politicians is tanking his morals. Mary Shelley might be bewilderingly naive about manipulators, but she has a sophisticated grasp of morality and corruption. We get a dissection of how Castruccio’s virtue of ambition causes him to tolerate the cruel, which wears down his former kindness.

Funny story: The 400 Aztec rabbit gods of drunkenness have adapted unusually well to the post-Aztec period: badly. Even if you’re a brain surgeon with a 100% cure rate, people get uncomfortable when you stagger into the operating room slurring. And also you’re a bunny. Funny story: Historical revisionism is wildly common. For example, Napoleon was a hedgehog, and a woman. Even at the time human historians refused to write down that a hedgehog conquered Europe, but it is no coincidence every single document describes Napoleon as ‘prickly.’

Funny story: From the parapets of his luxurious castle, while his three mistresses slept, the immortal Dracula looked out over the kingdom he ruled absolutely and complained to his psychically controlled wolves about his tragic fate. Funny story: When Anne Rice died, so too did all the vampires of her bloodline. Please be patient while the goth subculture adjusts to these difficult circumstances.

Funny story: Writing was invented when the dragon Deliquescent Majesty came up with a song so good she had to create a way to record it before she lost the inspiration. A nearby primate watched this happen and said, "I've got to get me some of that." Funny story: There are several carvings of the dragon Deliquescent Majesty. She had buck fangs, horns clustered like puffy backwards-pointed pigtails, and wore what look like big square glasses despite those not being invented yet.

Funny story: The gestation time of the Opalescent Planet Worm is two thousand and twenty years. The species gets its name from the beautiful and shiny coloration of its hundreds of wings. Funny story: The most successful air pirate in Saturn's history was Violet "Violent Defenestration" Definata. Active in the Emerald Star period, she captured 18,312 tons of booty, not including her favorite prize: Prince Goldenlocks. Her current whereabouts are unknown.

Kalevala report #1. This guy knows a lot of songs, and he really wants to sing them to you. Entire pages are spent making this clear. Kalevala report #2: Beer is important for singing and nobody can be expected to sing very long if they have to drink water.