“These people love America they just wanna summarily execute 70% of the people who live here” ok but hear me out, fuck off
Dec 2, 2020 • 4 tweets • 3 min read
“We go live to our leading electoral fraud correspondents, uh two guys who sell dirt weed out of an El Camino behind Arby’s. Not the good Arby’s, the other one”
How can you have any sort of advisory board without a couple guys who pled no contest to sinking a boat for the insurance money during a bad divorce? I'm sorry I was told this administration would look like America
Nov 8, 2020 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
I don't know if "No we MEANT to have the dildo store in the background of our serious news conference" is the save you think it is
If you think they really think they have a chance at contesting this I want to emphasize they are spending tonight doing damage control over the dildo shop
Aug 14, 2020 • 5 tweets • 1 min read
What a rickety ass upside down country where you can do a coup via the post office. I can watch VR porn while I summon a pizza by grunting at an Alexa but I gotta vote the same way a revolutionary war soldier sent horny poems to a girl he met at a witch drowning
Dorks are yelling at me for this dumb joke because they say online voting is very easily hacked. I believe them, but I don't understand how it's good for banking? All my money is 1s and 0s on a bank's Nintendo Twitch and I guess that's just bc Russia hasn't heard about banks?
Dec 19, 2018 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
I know we live in a time and place where we’re supposed to treat billionaires like Zuckerberg like geniuses but I feel like “fucking up constantly” and “getting caught fucking up constantly” and “accidentally almost collapsing society” are the qualities of a huge dumbass
GENIUS ALERT: Check out the new Thomas Edison Mark Zuckerberg and his inspired big new idea no one else would’ve ever thought of: “a place to look at girls and see if they’re single”
