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Jesse McLaren Profile picture
Jesse McLaren
@McJesse
I write JOKES and BITS and LITTLE SKITS for late night television.
Oct 7, 2020 • 6 tweets • 1 min read
I was a PA on The Apprentice which feels like saying “I went to art school with Hitler”. To be honest, it was the least amount work I’ve ever had on a job, because I was assigned to “Team Trump.”
Mar 21, 2020 • 9 tweets • 3 min read
I've decided to calculate exactly how long after their excellent adventure with Bill and Ted each historical figure died a horrific death. Here are the results. <1/?> After having a most excellent time with Bill and Ted, Billy the Kid was returned back to New Mexico in the year 1879. 2 years later he was shot in the chest at the age of 22.
Dec 20, 2017 • 8 tweets • 3 min read
Oh no! Your Star Wars had some “inconsistencies”? So sad.

Listen here motherfucker. I saw Episode 1-3 in theaters. I sat through shit you couldn’t imagine. Jar-Jar Binks. BackFlipping Yoda. Midichloreans. Space diners. That’s right, a FUCKING SPACE DINER. AND YOU HAVE THE NERVE- No, this isn’t a screenshot from a 1998 PC game that came in a cereal box. This shit was what I had to sit through. You get beautiful, imaginative fight sequences on salt sprinkled red planets. I got space diner. Go fuck yourself.