Hello frens I am v drunk and love most of you 😘
I also told UGBFF’s MIL that she’s not allowed to call me a slut unless she chokes me and pulls my hair and she turned the most interesting shade of furious red when her son laughed so I don’t think she’s gonna be a problem anymore.
Oct 13, 2022 • 5 tweets • 2 min read
CEO: “How did you get a MacBook Pro?? They gave me an Air!”
Me: “I asked for it.”
CEO: “I did too and they told me no!”
Me: “Do you do anything beyond Zoom, emails, and Microsoft word?”
CEO: “No…”
Me: “That’s why.”
CEO:
Work Bestie: “I have a Pro”
Social Media Manager: “I do too!”
CEO: (whining) “Boss, the 30 year olds are bullying me!”
Boss: “Don’t look at me, they scare me. I don’t mess with the 30-year-old gang.”
Oct 12, 2022 • 10 tweets • 2 min read
I feel like I need a thread of my CEO arranging for various accommodations in his very bumbling dad sort of way. For context, his daughter is my age and has very severe food allergies and he’s used to making sure everyone can eat.
(Slack)
CEO: “Would being at the front of the room or the middle of the room give you worse anxiety?”
Me: “Middle.”
CEO: “Good because our table is in the front of the room.”
Oct 12, 2022 • 5 tweets • 2 min read
Every morning PF hauls me over to his parents’ house so I’m not home alone with an unstable knee, so all week I’ve been hanging with Memaw, Nana, and my MIL all day. My team has taken to greeting them on zoom calls. Nana thinks Elder Curmudgeon is a handsome young man.
Memaw calls Project Manager “sweet boy” and I think secretly his grumpy ass likes it.
May 19, 2022 • 9 tweets • 1 min read
Hello my name is Meanie I have a whole PhD and here is a list of things to do your first year of grad school that you’ll thank me for later. Put me in your dissertation acknowledgements.
1. Make a ResearchGate and follow your professors but also whoever they follow.
2. Make a Google Scholar
3. Make an ORCID
Apr 2, 2022 • 6 tweets • 2 min read
At the main house baking with Memaw and Nana today. Getting allll the tea, both scandal and earl grey.
Memaw: “So you know (name)? The one who always looks like she smells something gross? She asks me if you can cook, Meanie. And I say, well yes, our Meanie is a fine cook. And she asks, all whispering because she knows she’s being a pill, dOeS sHe CoOk ~eXoTiC~ food?”
Apr 1, 2022 • 14 tweets • 2 min read
Everyone on my team (5 men ages 48-75) texts me to make sure the slang they’re using is correct in context. Some examples below:
From Boss (74): “Can I say this meeting got lit if I mean people were getting upset?”
Me: “No but you can say they were salty about it.”
Mar 29, 2022 • 5 tweets • 1 min read
Texts from my husband, at home by himself (with the cats) for the first time in our entire marriage:
“The cats won’t stop yelling at me because you’re gone. Barn Cat swats at me whenever I’m within reach. I think he thinks I had something to do with your disappearance.”
“Winky waited for me to get in the shower and then peed on my towel.”
Aug 28, 2021 • 9 tweets • 2 min read
I love when the eSsAy wRiTiNg HaCks™️ people come up with take more time and effort than actually writing the fucking essay. Like here’s a hack start writing.
And I swear if a paper writing scambot gloms onto that tweet I’m going to lose my absolute shit.
Oct 2, 2019 • 11 tweets • 2 min read
How to write cover letters: a thread developed after annoying the shit out of my chair and her husband who have served on “way too many” search committees.
