Apart from anything else, not to say sorry and accept the blame for your defeat is pretty rude to all the Labour MPs who lost their seats (and staff who lost their jobs)
Dec 11, 2019 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
The first thing the woman who answers the door says is "I didn't realise there were going to be this many people", which slightly weakens the impression that this is a spontaneous visit to a random member of the public
Lesson for next election campaign: set up an autocue in their front garden
Oct 14, 2019 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
Re Queen's Speech: I interviewed the "Rouge Croix Pursuivant" once. It's an honorary title for which he receives an annual salary of precisely £13.95.
His tabard is worth £45,000, but he has to supply his own tights. He buys them from the ladies' hosiery department of John Lewis
I met him at the Royal College of Arms, where he showed me the coats of arms of various peers, past and present. Peers submit their own designs. Lord Sugar's cost of arms was a shield featuring the Tottenham Hotspur cockerel and a cube of sugar
Apr 1, 2019 • 13 tweets • 2 min read
During the Brexit debate the public gallery of the Commons has been invaded by "climate justice" protesters, naked except for thongs. MPs trying very hard not to look, or not to be seen looking
The protesters are still there. No one is attempting to remove them. Just standing there, their buttocks pressed against the security glass
Aug 12, 2018 • 17 tweets • 7 min read
Bought a second-hand copy of the Penguin Dictionary of Historical Slang (1937) and it's the finest 10p I ever spent
So many beautiful old words and phrases that are ripe for revival
Mar 21, 2018 • 14 tweets • 2 min read
Jacob Rees-Mogg was supposed to board the Brexit fishing boat at Embankment pier. But he's just been told he's not allowed on because no one asked TFL's permission
Blocked from boarding his Brexit boat, Jacob Rees-Mogg is now having to walk to Parliament instead
So many beautiful old words and phrases that are ripe for revival 
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