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Lily Potkin Profile picture
Lily Potkin
@MissPotkin
Bandit
Sankul R. Mandavia Profile picture 2 subscribed
May 28, 2023 • 28 tweets • 5 min read
Made a few mistakes today, this is how it goes… It was hot today and my first mistake was waking up and getting dressed before 10am. Clearly demented from 8 hours of sleep, I, for almost 3 seconds, thought about eating granola and going for a jog.
Feb 23, 2023 • 54 tweets • 6 min read
Want to hear something terrible? Well I’m going to tell you anyway, this is how it goes… 3 missed calls from my bestie which I couldn’t answer because I’d just taken a shower and needed to complete the full 90 minutes of staring into space.
Jan 18, 2023 • 19 tweets • 2 min read
My friend is getting married (yay) and is thankfully body confident and blessed with good reason so she isn’t starving herself in the run up. She’s sexy. She’s shaped sexy and I want her to feel like Matt Damon felt when he realised he HAD TO eat potatoes everyday. No. Not Irish.
Jan 17, 2023 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
8 stage interview process. I’m at stage 5.

You know when you let your video game character run over the end of a ledge, into molten lava, so you can stop playing only to discover that 1000 years have passed and everyone you love is now dead? This is what stage 5 feels like. I want it to stop but I can’t afford to get off and if I don’t see it through, I’ll never be able to pay for a bathroom damp course.

TALE AS OLD AS TIME FUCKERS.
Jan 16, 2023 • 34 tweets • 5 min read
So my friend called me this morning to talk about something that happened to her last night. She’s been trying to find someone to date…extremely casually. She doesn’t have time for a full blown relationship and basically all she wants is a nice man to have sex with. There I said it.
Sep 28, 2021 • 23 tweets • 4 min read
It’s happened. The petrol light is on. Let’s play “Where will Lily break down?” In the mother of all queues. Brought a flask of coffee. Got called a petrol wanker by a tit in an Audi 4x4. It’s important to learn from the past, so now I’m filling up my coffee flask with piss, ready for the next arsehole.
Mar 17, 2021 • 41 tweets • 9 min read
Two days ago, I decided to stop doing the dishes. I make all the dinners and I am tired of having to do all the cleaning too. SINCE THEN this pile has appeared and at some point they are going to run out of spoons and cups and plates.

Who will blink first? Not me. NOT ME FUCKERS.