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Mitch Benn Profile picture
Mitch Benn
@MitchBenn
Comedian. Musician. Writer. Dad. Stepdad. Husband. Friend.
Jul 18 • 10 tweets • 2 min read
I hate conspiracy theories and I hate “false flag” conspiracy theories worst of all, because they’re part of that tribal need to let your own side off the hook even in the face of the evidence.
But there’s a LOT about the Trump assassination attempt that fails the smell test… And it’s not about a need to exonerate liberals because “the bad guys can only ever be right wingers” (the shooter was a Republican anyway); it’s just that so much doesn’t make sense.
Why was the shooter a Republican? Why was the roof he was on unchecked? If Trump’s ear was cut…
Jul 13 • 10 tweets • 2 min read
🧵I’m reading lots of very well constructed threads by women trying to explain to men why crashing any conversation about male violence against women with “#NOTALLMEN” is unhelpful and exhausting…
Trouble is, the kind of guys who leap in with #notallmen (and I used to be one)… … aren’t always great at listening to women (as evinced by the fact there are men jumping INTO THOSE THREADS to shout “It’s #notallmen!!”) , so I’m going to attempt to summarise the various points, translate them into manspeak and present them to my fellow dudes…
Jun 10 • 8 tweets • 2 min read
The problem the Tories are facing is that with the sole exception of dwindling vestiges of sheer unquestioning tribal loyalty, there is no reason whatsoever for ANYONE to vote for them this time.
(🧵) The swivel-eyed Brexiters who still believe Brexit SHOULD have been the saving of the nation feel betrayed that the Tories “blew it”. Those who voted Leave but who’ve since come to realise it was always a mistake also feel betrayed (as indeed they were). Meanwhile…
Aug 16, 2023 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
The single most effective thing we could do to raise the profile and legitimacy of women’s football would be for all sports journalists and broadcasters to start always referring to the men’s game as “men’s football”.
They already do it for the tennis… Obviously this would cause meltdowns among all the usual gammons but a. Fuck those guys b. No seriously, fuck those guys and c. It would at a stroke put the women’s game on an equal linguistic footing with the men’s, at no cost to anyone.
Mar 19, 2023 • 7 tweets • 2 min read
Never mind evil, how fucking THICK do you have to be not to get how this looks? Many members of the Bunchonumbers family have pointed out to me that this pic has been cropped; that the full version shows SB is laughing at a joke cracked by one of three other people and that this warrants some sort of retraction/apology on my part.
My response:
Nov 7, 2022 • 7 tweets • 2 min read
I’ve been thinking about the whole “it’s all the Remainers’ fault that Brexit is shit” angle, and how ostensibly sensible and grown up people can come out with something so CHILDISHLY absurd…
1/ In many respects the Remain “campaign” (such as it was) was doomed back in 2016 as soon as the Leave campaigns succeeded in framing the referendum as a PATRIOTISM TEST, rather than cost/benefit analysis.
2/
Dec 4, 2021 • 5 tweets • 1 min read
The Met police’s decision to ignore the Downing St 2020 Xmas parties was taken AT THE TIME.
There are armed Met officers on duty in Downing St 24/7 so I think it’s safe to say they knew it was happening.
These coppers, of course, then had a no-visitors Xmas like the rest of us 😕 So even if we accept the Met’s bizarre-assed Minority Report “We can’t investigate crimes that have already happened” excuse at face value, it’s STILL irrelevant because they knew about THIS crime WHILE IT WAS BEING COMMITTED.
Apr 23, 2021 • 10 tweets • 2 min read
Been reading up a bit on Alvin Stardust (as you do); it’s amazing nobody’s ever done even a cheapie TV biopic of his life because it is the most BIZARRE story. Not only did he have two entirely separate pop careers in different decades with different names & personas… … but in BOTH instances he inherited those names & personas from someone else.
Pretty much everyone my age & older knows that before he was a 70s glam star called Alvin Stardust, Bernard Jewry had been an early 60s Oh Boy-era rock n’ roller called Shane Fenton...
Jan 2, 2021 • 10 tweets • 4 min read
@hansmollman Ok here’s how I do it:
1. Have an idea that’s worth writing a novel about. This, surprisingly, is not the hard part.
2. Write a dead simple movie-pitch style synopsis; just the big plot pivots, beginning middle & end stuff. This is not the hard part either.
1/ @hansmollman 3. Write a beat-for-beat breakdown of the story. THIS, as far as I’m concerned, is the hard part. Getting your idea and plot into a followable shape. This will take quite a while and will probably end up being about 10% of the novel’s eventual length.
2/
Nov 4, 2020 • 6 tweets • 2 min read
I’m not the first one to point this out but the US election is causing a strange amount of shock & awe considering it’s going pretty much how everyone predicted it would: Trump ahead on the night, tries to declare victory, the fight is on to make sure the votes get counted
1/ This shouldn’t be a surprise, or that it’s closer than it looked in the polls. So far what’s happened is exactly what everyone knew would happen.
The reason it’s hard to WATCH it happen is because Trump’s level of support now says MUCH darker things about the US than in 2016.
2/
Sep 21, 2020 • 12 tweets • 2 min read
Liberals will always be at a disadvantage to conservatives when it comes to elections because conservatives will always cheat more.
This isn’t a partisan statement, it’s an observation based on how each side chooses to perceive itself.
1/ If you watch the football World Cup it’s fascinating to see how different cultures have completely different attitudes to the whole concept of The Rules.
Some cultures regard the rules as the framework within which the game is played. The game only exists within that framework
2/
Sep 2, 2020 • 5 tweets • 1 min read
Something the BBC has never really understood - and which it really should - is that it can’t, nor will it ever be able to, appease the Conservative Party.
The Conservative Party will ALWAYS hate the BBC, not because of anything the BBC does, but because of what the BBC IS. Or rather Conservatives hate the BBC for what it is NOT, ie. “for sale”.
That something as big, powerful and important as the BBC is NOT available to be bought by the highest bidder is anathema to modern Tories.
Jul 30, 2020 • 7 tweets • 2 min read
Stop saying Trump can’t legally or constitutionally cancel the election.
He couldn’t legally or constitutionally blackmail Ukraine.
He couldn’t legally or constitutionally order Barr to commute Stone’s sentence or withdraw the Flynn case.
1/ He couldn’t legally or constitutionally pressure the UK govt to move the British Open to Turnberry.
He can’t legally or constitutionally funnel millions in tax dollars, charitable donations and campaign contributions into his own businesses.
2/
Jun 22, 2020 • 5 tweets • 1 min read
It can’t be a coincidence that all the right-whingers have thrown their toys out of the pram and pissed off to Parler at the precise moment that literally everything liberal snowflakes have been saying for years has turned out to be true, can it?
1/ The Tories really ARE a bunch of sociopaths who’d cheerfully watch us all die.
Boris really IS a useless lazy bastard.
Racism really IS threaded throughout society.
American cops really DO execute black people with impunity and, it would seem, out of sheer boredom.
2/
Jun 14, 2020 • 7 tweets • 2 min read
It IS a game to Conservatives.
Back in the 00s I actually attended BBC functions at all “Big 3” party conferences a couple of times (they would have Radio 4 comedy types do a “turn”; some years it was the Dead Ringers gang, some times it was us Now Show lot).
1/ The Tories were always the best and most relaxed audience to play to.
I guess the stakes were lower for them in opposition but they were FAR more relaxed about laughing at themselves than either Labour or the LDs.
2/
May 11, 2020 • 9 tweets • 2 min read
1. Look, here’s why we just got an utterly nonsensical “address” from the PM.
As I’ve been saying all week, what we currently have is not an administration. It’s a PR team in search of an administration. 2. Now don’t get me wrong, it’s not that they don’t WANT to contain the virus. They’d LOVE to contain the virus, because it would poll well and make them look good.
But it’s the polling well and looking good that’s the objective, not, you know, saving lives and all that.
May 3, 2020 • 14 tweets • 2 min read
1. Ok, here’s the trouble with conspiracy theories. (Thread) 2. I’m talking those big apocalyptic conspiracy theories now; your flat earthers, your moon truthers, holocaust deniers, Covid19/5G “theories”…
Nov 30, 2019 • 8 tweets • 2 min read
For the record, I think the BBC’s apparent constant covering up for Boris isn’t so much a case of political bias as professional embrassment blended with denial.
I’ll explain… I’m reminded of how for the first year or so of Trump’s presidency even the “neutral” American media seemed horribly reluctant to address the sheer viciousness and stupidity of both the man and his administration.
Sep 24, 2019 • 7 tweets • 2 min read
I’m gonna say something: quite proud of the UK today.

The USA & UK are in by no means identical but comparable situations: we have administrations with no popular mandate, who gained power on the back of criminally manipulated votes, and who are using criminal methods… … to retain that power in order to pursue at best unethical and possibly criminal objectives.

But here’s the thing; it’s the *USA* that’s supposed to have the ironclad Constitution with the inbuilt checks & balances, established for the express purpose of containing…
Jul 28, 2019 • 8 tweets • 2 min read
Ok I’ll bite:
He’s squandered the goodwill he generated in 2017 with his constant triangulation on Brexit, which has blown his supposed USP ie. his “integrity” by showing he’s just as shifty, self-serving and duplicitous as any other politician.
1/ He makes all kinds of pledges to reverse austerity while ignoring the fact that Brexit will make all these promises unfulfillable, instead going on about “jobs first Brexit” which is a contradiction in terms.
2/
May 29, 2019 • 7 tweets • 2 min read
I actually think @theSNP deserve credit for opposing Brexit as vocally as they do, given that if it were to go ahead it would absolutely be the final nail in the Union’s all-but-sealed coffin. Kudos for putting the wishes & welfare of the Scots ahead of party aspirations. Because here’s the thing; being half & half Scots/English (well Scots/Scouse actually; not quite the same thing) I’m *emotionally* pro-Union but I recognise that this is just my own reaction. Scottish independence would be like watching my parents split up.
But…