People would be better off dating their close friends. There’s usually a vibrant connection. But no, they’d rather go the end of the earth looking for a stranger to whom they can pretend conveniently, and a few months down the line, they swear they met their best friend. That’s not to say all great friends are attractive or that they make for great romantic partners. But of course, we see cases of friends with repressed affection everyday. We colloquially call it “see finish” which is often just the unfashionable substitute for great chemistry.

Our problems are culturally sanctioned and then religious reinforced. These men know that if they walk into your fancy offices and churches, you’ll still treat them like gods. Some will even bow. Power resides where people believe it resides.

https://twitter.com/thecableng/status/1795900833491526004

Unfortunately, it’s easy to control a country with poor and unenlightened people. Because poor people just want to live. There’s no cause or movement worthier. Poverty immediately makes you dangerous, even without your consent. Every threat to your survival, you cave in.

Those around us worth appreciating—

Family. The ones who make your humanity feel less heavy.

Love is love. Commitment is commitment. Commitment is a quality. Love is a sensation. We don’t need to conflate both terms. Unfortunately, marriage is a self-imposed obligation. You don’t need a “different” kind of love in marriage. You just need more qualities—commitment, etc.

https://twitter.com/solomon_buchi/status/1794093082297704515

Love does not commit. It makes you willing to be with someone but it’s not a substitute for the skills you need for that. You may have the talent for football—that’s like love. But it’s not a substitute for the discipline needed for professional football—that’s a learned quality.

That’s the difference between wisdom and intelligence. Men who have actually been in long term relationships know that vulnerability is a slippery concept. It seems intellectually sound to recommend it (after all, why can’t we all just be human) but it’s never that simple.

https://twitter.com/hozzy15/status/1791793703117541476

The more you experience people, the more you notice the disconnect between what they say and how they’d react. It is an intelligent proposition to promote equality, for instance, but when you see the reaction of humans in certain situations, you’ll know that equality is a farce.

I’m not what you’d call a religious man. Or even a traditional man. And this means I don’t have many deal breakers. My busy wife, for instance, doesn’t have to worry about doubling as our chef. But I have 3 dealbreakers. None of these will I negotiate. To be clear, as far as relationships go, there’s hardly a desire that cannot be compromised. For some people, this means without if the reason is not rational, it’s foolish to not compromise. But not me. My deal breakers don’t have to make sense to you—they are my deal breakers.

To the younger guys out there: work hard; think carefully before making career decisions and seek guidance; pick your friends wisely; love yourself and have a good sense of who you are before you find love in people; read often; make/save money. If you don’t work hard, you’ll suffer in ways you can’t imagine. Hard work teaches you how evaluate what is worth your time and risks, your reward and your resources. Nobody is coming to save you. The earlier you prepare for serious, continuous work, the better man you’ll be.

Death reinforces my admiration for a very specific kind of people. I admire people who are able to act as though the fate of the universe depended on what they did, while simultaneously laughing at themselves for even thinking that whatever they do, makes any difference. Basically, I admire people who have the complexity of mind to simply contribute their quota to the world and seeing it beyond themselves. Being grounded enough to navigate the absurdism of life AND embody the implication, is for me, the highest expression of intelligence.

On interviews. First——

Get them engaged and make them like you. Your entire strategy should be built on how to make this happen. Sharing some tips based on cool comments I’ve received from interviewers. First is simple: throw back every question to the interviewer, unless it’s obviously exclusive to you. The thinking here is that you don’t generate conversational interest by absorbing full speaking responsibility, you do so by sharing.

It all comes down to one question: if everything you wanted to happen took a different turn, if the future is nothing like you wanted it to be, could you still be happy? If it turns out you don’t find the love you so strongly think you deserve, would you still want to live?

My friend, it's been a truly difficult year for you, I know. I think about you often. It saddens me that you somehow lost yourself, with all the rejections and failures that came your way. I wish you’d bounce back. But I understand. There are some things in life that cause us to lose ourselves. But the way you’ve been so lost lately, is unimaginably painful. I saw a picture of you the other day; your pupils have fallen flat, severely cross—eyed. As if to say you no longer trust happiness.

If a person respects you without loving you, then it’s not about you but what you have. If someone respects you, genuinely, love follows. What is so special about you, as a human being, that can be genuinely and consistently respected in a romantic sense, if not driven by love?

https://twitter.com/morris_monye/status/1670656219734851584

When men say they want to be respected, not loved, I find it funny. What should she respect? Your person. How’s that different from the respect you get from colleagues and female friends? It is funny to even think that a woman is with you because she merely respects you.

Imagine having someone who is happy to talk to you every single day. How does a human begin to deserve that? Even if you reciprocate the same energy, it still feels more natural to think of love gained as a blessing, rather than as something deserved. I think the primary, if not the only quality of love that makes it beautiful or true is that it doesn’t feel deserved. It may align with our preferences, but it goes beyond them. And so the first step to disregarding love gained, is to think of it as something you deserve.

There are about 3,200 questions in the Bible. One favorite was Jesus asking his disciples on Caesarea Phillippi: who do people say I am? One of the prophets, some said. Elijah, others said. He asked: “But who do you say I am?” Peter said: “You’re the Messiah.” I love the question because of where it was asked and what followed. They were at Caesarea Philippi, a gentile town, a town of idol worshippers on south-western Mount Hermon with “grottos”—statues of gods everywhere. Recorded shortly after he fed the 4000.

I need substance. I cannot relate with the surface for too long. I’d rather be alone. Tell me something remarkable. I need to know how good or how bad you’ve had it. Tell me what you’ve been through and how it is you’re still standing here. We’ll get along just fine. And I ask this irrationally. I know people are guarded and fear being judged. But I don’t care. I handle the small talks well—I’m a clown, really. But I do not trust a person who fears being judged all the time. Give me something. Something that sticks.

I used to hate affirmations a lot—called them hopelessly optimistic tidbits. I’m not an optimist by default. But one time, I read certain Jewish commentaries on the Torah and my perception changed. I’ll share a few things here.

https://twitter.com/mytherapistng/status/1667554915680395267

My initial idea about life was pretty straightforward: optimism is not a good recipe for happiness; happiness is reality minus expectations. If I wanted a thing, I’d aim to have no expectations so that I would either be right or pleasantly surprised.

When you meet a woman who communicates very well, you’ll have to come correct because she will hold you accountable. Women observe a lot and it reflects in the way they communicate; they will ask you many questions. They want to address everything. You must show your workings.

https://twitter.com/yhem_hi/status/1663636316381167619

Generally I don’t think you can handle a lady who communicates her feelings effectively if you’re not committed to her or if you’re not honest. Because at every point in time you’ll have to be on the same page with her. She’ll make sure of that. You must know what she wants.

Nigeria is already in deep financial crises. These “long run benefit” rhetoric of the APC is stupid. We have already messed up. Don’t shift the burden to the poor for the sake of the elusive “long run”. We may not even live to see it. A bit of context: Nigeria’s immediate problem is not infrastructural development. BAT’s claims to focus on infrastructure is just crap. Our first problem is debt servicing. Nigeria is a huge sovereign Ponzi scheme at the moment and all thanks to the APC.

It’s not about Twitter. It’s about life. We’re all drawn by nature to cross-check and validate our opinions with others’. If you take praises in real life seriously, then take Twitter praises seriously too. You will be quite naive to think it works differently in real life.

https://twitter.com/ayobankole/status/1663259712492535809

It is easy to think we’re not part of the mob. Which of your opinions today are not validated by millions of people in the world? We’re all part of the “mob”; we only think differently because amongst some audiences, some views are more popular than others.

10 years ago, I had my first job as an English teacher. One problem I had at the time was that many students thought underwhelmingly. Not critically. I, overtime, came up with ways to help and here are a few important tips on critical thinking: When discussing mostly with teenagers, and young people in general, I play an old trick: whenever I’m asked a question, including personal questions, I throw it back by asking: “what do you think?”.

Very impressed and very touched by @aramidekayode_’s work. With her team, she’s currently building a free school for children in low-income communities. Whoever educates or facilitates it, gives life. I’m sharing here to ask that you support this cause. With @talentminea, she is building an educational environment for less-privileged kids, one that will provide a safe, supportive, and inclusive environment for those children to learn and thrive; raising young leaders who will transform their communities from the grassroots up.