I've had an interesting phenomenon happen with my older friends lately. They'll invite me to dinner, or offer to bring lunch, and I'll pass saying I'm more comfortable sticking to my own home-cooked keto-carnivore stuff. Zero seed oils, minimal added sugar, lower carbs. That, and I'm still unsteady on my feet, and (TMI alert), navigating to the restroom through a crowded restaurant 10x in a visit has no appeal for me.

Their response? "Oh, you're still trying to do the healthy thing? Figured you'd quit that after the stroke since it didn't work."

😳 Wut?

Are they suggesting that the keto-carnivore lifestyle contributed to the stroke?

If anything, I feel it made the stroke less debilitating. I can't prove that anymore than my neurologist telling me there's a likelihood of another one in the next two years will occur, but I trust his expertise. And I trust God's path for my life more.

It's probably not a great analogy, but the way people and their thought processes work is truly odd.

Just because I had a stroke doesn't mean my attempts at healthy eating failed.

Just because I read the Bible every day doesn't mean I don't sin or fail at being more like Jesus.

The point is, every day I stick to eating healthy and strengthening my relationship to the Lord by reading his Word.

Setbacks happen. Sometimes through our own missteps, sometimes not.

The point is, to quote an old saying, if you fall off the horse, it's important you get right back in the saddle.

Am I making sense here?

I hope I am.

And speaking of falling off the horse, I'm not entirely pleased with the new Bible study I started yesterday. It wasn't the chronological reading plan I was looking for. It was probably a great way to incorporate OT with NT and a Psalm or Proverb every day, allowing one to look at the ENTIRE Bible through the lens of Jesus, but it wasn't chronological.

So, back to the drawing board. Starting a new chronological one today (but with Day 2, since we already read the Genesis verses of Creation yesterday).

Fell off the horse, getting back in the saddle with a new horse today. 😉

/1 A YEAR IN THE BIBLE
WITH DAILY GRACE

Day 2

Before you begin reading, pause for a moment to pray that God will help you know Him more today than yesterday. As you read today’s chapters, consider these questions:

1. What attributes of God’s character are revealed in the passage?

Consider places where the text directly states the character of God, as well as how His character is revealed through His words and actions.

2. How does the passage point to Jesus?

Consider how the passage reveals the problem of sin and the forgiveness of sins offered through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. What do I learn about myself in light of who God is?

3. How should the truth of this passage change me?

Consider how you fall short of God’s character, how the text reveals your sin nature, and what it says about your new identity in Christ.

Consider how you might pray for God to change your heart or what practical steps you can take toward cultivating habits of holiness.

4. How do the events of today's reading help you better understand the grand narrative of Scripture?

/2

I've been finding myself itching to move on from the current Bible in a Year devotional.

I've done this same Bible study for 4-5 years now, always learning something new or relevant to my life within the familiar devotional. What I didn't expect was to be solely reading the devotional after posting my own thoughts. I had stopped reading the Bible itself. I felt the routine of reading the devotional was giving me the gist of the Word of God.

So today, not June 1, I'm taking the plunge back into daily Bible reading with a chronological reading plan. I'm no longer going to be content with someone else's interpretation or understanding of the scripture.

Of course, the previous Bible study helped get me to the current desire for my own understanding and interpretation, and for that, I'm thankful.

But today begins a new journey. No middleman. Just God and I, with His Word leading me to a better understanding of his character and will for my life, through the second person of the Trinity, Jesus', ultimate sacrifice for us.

Speaking of sacrifice, today, Memorial Day, we honor those who fought hard for our country's freedom. Take a moment to remember them, and in prayer, thank the Lord also for his ultimate sacrifice for our freedom.

/1 To be clear, this Bible reading will be both Testaments each day, chronicling the Old and the New, concurrently as they happened. There will be a *lot* of scripture each day.

/2

I am up to *here* with videos of emotionally unhinged people and their latest rants about politics, criminal activity support, and all matters in between.

But Jesus specifically said "love your neighbor" (Matthew 22:39, Mark 12:31 NLT), so even though I'm fed up with all of the selfish anger in the world, the best way I know how to "love them" is to pray for them, that they will someday find salvation and learn the truth about our Lord.

Praying for their change of heart, sharing the gospel, and relating my own testimony about the Lord *is* "loving my neighbor."

It's probably the most compassionate way I know how to love people seemingly devoid of love.

/1 HOW TO FINISH WELL
by Nicky Gumbel

(Mush note: I've been doing this same Bible in a Year study for the last few years, always learning something new about the Bible and myself and my faith, then sharing it with my X followers for at least the last 3 years. But after prayer, I believe it might be time for a change, so at the inspiration of a friend, starting June 1, I will be starting a different kind of Bible In A Year study. It will be chronological event Bible reading, and I'm excited not only to switch things up, but to share it with you all. Okay, on to the usual Bible study:)

You can finish well. You may have had a bad start in life. You may have messed up along the way. You may have made mistakes. You may have regrets. But you can *finish well*, and that is what matters most. Some *start* well but fall.

In the recession, many of the companies that business consultant Jim Collins had profiled in his international bestseller, "Good to Great," fell. Even the "mightiest" of companies can fall. In his most recent book, "How the Mighty Fall", he examines the path towards doom. The first stage of the process begins with "hubris born of success". As with Saul in the Old Testament passage for today, it is pride and arrogance (1 Samuel 15:23) that begins the process by which the mighty fall. Saul started well but did not finish well. It is more important to finish well than to start well. In the New Testament, Saul (of Tarsus) started off very badly (as a persecutor of Jesus), but he finished well (as the great apostle, Paul). Jesus, as always, shows us the way. His life was relatively short. He died in his early thirties, yet he finished well. He "completed the work the Father gave him to do" (John 17:4).

This is my ambition in life. I want to complete the work God has given me to do. How can we all make sure we finish well?

/2

I posted yesterday about one of my favorite *concept* albums from a few years back called *The Heroin Diaries*.

It was my favorite album for a time because of the honest vulnerability found within the lyrics of a man searching for truth amongst the hedonistic trappings of his life.

One of the song's lyrics seemed to be a last-ditch effort to tackle the question of faith and God after at least one near death overdose.

The search leads the songwriter/drug user to the precipice of God's truth, but never quite reaching or understanding the answer. Again, the trappings of this life are too strong for him to abandon, let alone acknowledge or embrace the existence and essential need of a savior.

The songwriter is the modern-day, rock-and-roll version of the parable of the prodigal son in Luke 15 in the Bible, but without the admission of the need to come home to forgiveness of his Father for the life he has been leading.

Instead, he is more like the rich young man seeking answers in Matthew 19:21-24:

[21] Jesus told him, “If you want to be perfect, go and sell all your possessions and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”
[22] But when the young man heard this, he went away sad, for he had many possessions.
[23] Then Jesus said to his disciples, “I tell you the truth, it is very hard for a rich person to enter the Kingdom of Heaven.
[24] I’ll say it again—it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the Kingdom of God!”

I, too, was a lifetime prodigal daughter, and these last few years, I have been immersed in the forgiveness of the Father for a lifetime of pleasure seeking and squandering of His *gifts*. I am living proof of the Lord's grace and mercy and forgiveness.

We have a choice to make: follow our whims and desires in this life, or follow the Lord, for our true pleasure and treasure is waiting for us in heaven.

It's true what the old adage says: it's never too late for a dog (or Kat) to learn new tricks. It's worth it to change the trajectory of your life.

/1 TAKE TIME TO CELEBRATE
by Nicky Gumbel

"A glimpse of heaven" is how one twenty-seven-year-old woman described her experience at our annual church holiday (Focus). She also spoke about the year she missed it in order to go on an exotic holiday: each day, she could only think of how she longed to be at Focus. Focus is the time when [our whole church] community comes together in a festival of celebration, worship, thanksgiving, and praise. We often experience a great outpouring of the Holy Spirit. It is a time of spiritual growth when we listen to visionary and practical teaching from the Bible on how to live our lives. It is a time of laughter and fun as we meet together for a week-long party: playing, picnicking, singing and dancing. We make new friends as well as having a great holiday. It really is "a glimpse of heaven". It takes time, but celebration is an important part of life.

/2

I've learned firsthand the difference between a *panic* blessing & a *praise* blessing.

A *panic* blessing is thinking *you* prayed God's blessing into existence, fretting about a specific need, & being relieved when it happens in the nick of time.

A *praise* blessing is something you pray to the Lord about, w/ friends & family, then releasing it into God's care. But rather than fretting, you praise him in the waiting, assured He'll take care of this need according to His will.

I started this recovery journey fully clothed in anxiety, wondering how I was going to get through the various hardships. I prayed & prayed, woe is me, and God brought the blessings *in the last moments*. "Whew," I thought, "that's a relief."

But then you look back on all the times God *rescued* you before, or provided for you at what seemed like the last minute, and you realize God’s timing is *His* timing: perfect every time & always in line w/ His will.

So when I continued on my recovery and my truck blew a head gasket, I had an opportunity to not panic, to wait on God's timing & blessing, & I praised him in the waiting. (I heard somebody say once, while you're waiting for a door to open, you praise the Lord in the hallway.) And that's what I did.

That doesn't necessarily mean I sat back & did nothing. I figured my truck breaking down was a blessing in the timing since I wasn't driving anyway. I was thankful it didn't blank out on me while I was in the thick of deliveries.

But I got to work, researching & getting estimates on the cost. The results were staggering: $6,000, parts & labor, mostly billable hours.

But I waited. I didn't panic. I knew God would handle this situation, so I *praised Him in the hallway."

About a week goes by, & my neighbor says he noticed I stopped starting up my engine every morning to keep the battery alive. I told him about the head gasket situation & how I was just getting ready to sell it for a smaller, more gas efficient vehicle so when it *was* time to drive again, I'd be ready. He said, "Well, you if you're gonna sell it anyway, why don't you let me loan you the money & you can pay me back once you sell it. I'm in no hurry." I was floored. I was also cautious. Was this a blessing, or was the devil trying to trip me up with a trick disguised as a blessing?

I thanked my neighbor & said I'd pray about his offer, but that I wasn't going to rush into anything.

One of the people I consulted for an estimate for the head gasket was my ex, who was surprised when his mechanic came back with the same result: $6,000. But his mechanic offered an alternate solution: maybe an engine from a totaled vehicle at a pick a part yard? That might be cheaper. So the hunt began.

And my ex said while the neighbor's offer was generous, he wanted me to be careful of that kind of debt between friends. He said it would be fine if it was "only $2,500 or something, but $6,000 was a lot," I agreed, & his comment stayed in the back of my mind.

/1 So last week, I was on my evening PT walk in the neighborhood, & for some reason, I decided to walk a different route. As I was nearing home, a neighbor I hadn't seen for awhile pulled over to talk. I shared that I'd had a stroke, then it hit me: this guy is a mechanic. His entire life was car engines (Think Marisa Tomei's character in My Cousin Vinny). So I told him my truck's problem and asked if he'd mind getting me an estimate. Not a problem.

Five days & a lot of research later, he came back w/ great news: "I can do it for $2,500."

"$2,500? That's it?"

"Yeah, I'll do the job in my driveway, - no overhead - & I'll have it done in a couple of weeks. Oh, and my best friend is the finance guy at Toyota. He can help w/the purchase of your next car, if you'd like to talk to him."

👀

So my neighbor starts on the truck next week. And my other neighbor, the one writing the check, has offered to go with me to hear the diagnostics of the problem, so I don't misunderstand things. Hes also a car guy, but more like a hobby.

Now THAT'S what I call a *praise* blessing.

/2

I'm determined to be more mindful about hydrating today. And naturally, the algorithm put an advertisement re headaches in relation to the tissue around the brain (according to this doctor, the brain itself has no nerve endings, but the tissue does, and headaches can be caused by the tissue contracting too tightly or expanding too loosely...hydration is key, essentially). I'm naturally more curious about my brain now. What makes it tick? Even though I'm no neurosurgeon, I am an amateur with a ton of curiosity that needs satisfying.

Excuse me while I go fill up my BPA-free water bottle.

/1 HOW TO FIND PEACE IN ADVERSITY
by Nicky Gumbel

For 2,000 years, followers of Jesus have faced adversity, opposition, and persecution. In many places Pippa and I have visited over the years, Christians face physical persecution. In fact, persecution of Christians around the world today is probably worse than at any time in history. We do not, at this time, face physical persecution in the West. However, as we see some of the messages that are emerging from those with their stated intention of "eradicating faith", it is clear that the aggression and vehemence of the attacks may increase. Opposition is bound to come. Those who desire "to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted" (2 Timothy 3:12).

Opposition comes both from those far away from us (the Philistines in the Old Testament passage for today) and also, sadly, sometimes from those closer to home (the Pharisees in the New Testament passage). How do you find peace in adversity?

/2

I had several blessings drop into my lap yesterday. I praise God for each of them as they were answers to prayer. Are they blessings from God? Or are they the devil's schemes meant to trip me up when I'm at my most vulnerable? I believe it's the first option, yet I'm still very cautious about these blessings and I constantly ask for guidance and confirmation in prayer. I've had enough of clearing the pathway to blaze a trail for my own desires. I want only to be on God's path now. It's the best path.

/1 KNOWING GOD AS A FATHER
by Nicky Gumbel

What is the best thing in life, bringing more joy, delight, and contentment, than anything else?

*Knowledge of God*

What were you made for?

*To know God*.

What aim should you set yourself in life?

*To know God*.

These are the questions J.I. Packer raises at the start of his influential book, *Knowing God*. Jesus said, "I am the good shepherd; I *know* my sheep and my sheep *know* me – just as the Father *knows* me and I *know* *the Father*" (John 10:14).

/2

Happy Friday, y'all!

I managed my emotions this week better than I have in the 4 months since this odyssey began. I articulated my thoughts and needs succinctly, without rambling on & on (I can tell my boss was shocked and pleased), only losing my composure once when trying to explain a procedure. He told me not to worry about it. Okay, I am no longer concerning myself with it. I've prayed about it, and I've let go of trying to control it.

I do this a lot lately. I deal with things to the best of my ability and with the resources I have, then let God handle things.

It's a great way to live stress-free.

/1 YOUR STORY HAS POWER
by Nicky Gumbel

Mark Heather’s parents split up when he was a child, and he was brought up by his alcoholic mother who beat him. When he was fourteen years old, he stood up to her and said he would not accept the beatings anymore. The next day, she took her own life. From that moment, he was placed in care and became, in his words, ‘pretty nutty really’ – getting into trouble with the police, involved in drugs, and spiralling into an increasingly self-destructive lifestyle.

Mark (now in his 30s) was invited by his girlfriend to Alpha (alpha.org) at HTB (htb.org). On the weekend away, he had a powerful encounter with God. He said, "My group leader, Toby, prayed for me, for the Holy Spirit to come – and I knew that it was happening. The experience resulted in me crying uncontrollably... I ran to the pub down the road, grabbed a beer, wandered back and sat in the darkest corner outside that I could find. After sitting quietly, a total comfort enveloped me. I felt total love. I felt part of a family, which is something that I had no way of knowing until then. Crying, I prayed for one more sign. I asked for Toby to come out the door. As I asked, Toby walked through that very door to look for me. God is real and he loves me unconditionally, and he is gentle. The Holy Spirit saved me. The Alpha Weekend helped me find him. He knew where I was, so when I got to the right place, he was waiting."

Mark’s personal story has had a powerful impact on many people’s lives. Your story may not be as dramatic as Mark’s, but *everyone* has a story. Whether you were brought up as a Christian or whether you have only been a Christian for a few hours, your story has power.

/2

It occurred to me how hard it is to fundraise for an excellent, godly cause as compared to fundraising for a personally important but worldy cause (political or legal-related, for example) can be. What stirs a person's heart strings (and purse strings)?

I thought about this today, and it seems the strength of one's spiritual (faith) life must be stronger than the pull of one's secular life or worldly point of view.

We've all seen the fundraisers for criminals (or victims of criminals) catapult into 6 figures seemingly overnight. The thing is, according to the Bible, these riches are temporary. (Luke 16:9 "Here’s the lesson: Use your worldly resources to benefit others and make friends. Then, when your possessions are gone, they will welcome you to an eternal home.) When you give from an abundance of the heart, you are storing up unknowable treasures in heaven. This kind of wealth is immeasurable. Money we give to worldly causes will disappear as quickly as they're given, and sometimes with zero results. Not saying you can *buy* your way into heaven, but the apostle Paul does instruct us to "decide in [our] heart how much to give. And don’t give reluctantly or in response to pressure. 'For God loves a person who gives cheerfully.'" (2 Corinthians 9:7)

Isn't it time we all started investing in eternity?

/1 ALL HE WANTS IS YOU
by Nicky Gumbel

In his book, "*All I Want Is You*", Bishop Sandy Millar describes attending a conference in California some years ago at which he saw the Spirit of God working in powerful ways. When it was over, he went for a long walk along the coast. He writes, "As I was walking, I was caught up with the excitement of all that lay ahead and the thrill of the Spirit of God. I was saying, 'Lord, I will give you anything you want… I will do anything you want me to do.'"

Sandy continues, "I can honestly claim to have only heard the Lord speak about three times in this way, but as clearly as I have ever heard him speak, he said, 'All I want is you'... It was the most humbling thing…" He can do anything he likes. But all he wants is you.

(Mush: this seems contrary to what I wrote in the intro, but part of giving yourself fully to the Lord includes giving of your God-given talents and gifts so that others may come to know God and his glory.)

/2

My own backyard had a good example of how the devil works in our lives. He lurks, waiting to cause havoc the minute we aren't paying attention.

It's best to shoo him away (pray for the Holy Spirit to help you), avoiding any nonsense the devil brings to your yard (through prayer, the Holy Spirit will give you strength and wisdom to handle situations in a godly manner any time you ask).

/1 IT'S POSSIBLE WITH GOD
by Nicky Gumbel

I was eighteen years old when I first encountered Jesus. I remember distinctly a conversation I had with a Christian leader shortly afterwards. I said how glad I was that I had not become a Christian earlier, since I had been able to experience the difference between life without God and life with God. He pointed out the fallacy of this way of thinking and suggested that the sooner we experience life with God, the better. Looking back on my life now, I see the wisdom of his words. I am so grateful to God that our children can look back on their own lives and say that there has never been a time in their life when they were "without God".

Over the years, I have interviewed hundreds of people who have encountered Jesus at Alpha (alpha dot org). They contrast their life *without* God and their life *with* *God*. There is a sense of great joy and relief, and often regret that they did not begin their life *with God* earlier. You are created to live in a relationship with God. Without that, life will never really make sense. Being *with* God is even more important than what you do *for* God. With God, everything is possible.

/2

Mother's Day. It almost passed me by.

I didn't realize how many of my social cues and reminders came from advertising & marketing. But regardless, I'm thankful for my mom in heaven today for giving me life and for the Lord sustaining it.

*lifts a coffee cup*

Here's to you, Mom. Thank you for teaching me the value of hard work, and the stick-to-it-iveness to complete what you started.

/1
ENDLESS ENRRGY, BOUNDLESS STRENGTH
by Nicky Gumbel

We often tell the story of when Pastor John Wimber first visited our church. We saw a remarkable outpouring of the Holy Spirit and several healings. One incident, which occurred on the second night, is indelibly printed in my memory. One of our closest friends was eight months pregnant at the time. The Holy Spirit came upon her with great power. She started to whirl around at high speed. As she did so, she exclaimed over and over again, "I feel so *strong*!" A few weeks later, she gave birth to a son who, from his earliest days, showed not only spiritual and emotional strength but also extraordinary physical strength. He became an outstanding rugby player, a superb athlete, and is now a successful model. To some (like Samson, who we read about in today’s Old Testament passage), the Holy Spirit gives extraordinary physical strength. To all of us, the Holy Spirit gives spiritual strength. The apostle Paul describes God’s "incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his *mighty strength*, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead" (Ephesians 1:19–20). It was the Holy Spirit who raised Jesus from the dead (Romans 8:11a). The Holy Spirit is "his mighty strength".

That same strength now lives in *you* and "will give life to your mortal body through his Spirit, *who lives in you*" (v.11b). I love Eugene Peterson’s translation (of the Ephesians passage) where he speaks of God giving "endless energy, *boundless strength*"!

/2

Kept hearing a small meow as I was divvying up the breakfast dishes for the furry ones this morning, so I assumed it was Mimiaow being extra chatty. Turns out it is Auggie's tummy (or intestines) but he's not acting sick, so I'll just have to keep an eye on him today.

Feeling a little off myself today. A bit of vertigo. Always more concerning now than before. Guess I'll keep the other eye on myself today. Really looking forward to my new prescription glasses getting here on Saturday, and hoping that helps my eye issues.

Lord, watch over me as I navigate this day. Amen.

/1 HOW TO LIVE IN HIGH DEFINITION
by Nicky Gumbel

It was back in 1966 when England last won the football World Cup, yet I can still remember the moment. As children, we were watching the match on a black and white television set. We could never get a very good picture; it was always fuzzy and going into lines. We were quite happy with it since we did not know anything different. One day, we discovered all it needed was an aerial! Suddenly, we found that we could get clear and distinct pictures. Our enjoyment was transformed. Now, not only do we have color television, we can get high definition (HD). There are no fuzzy lines or distortions, and it produces a richer, bolder, more vibrant picture than ever before.

Rather than black and white, or even color, Jesus offers you high-definition life. There are two Greek words for "life". The word "bios", from which we get the word "biological" means the condition of being *alive* rather than dead – mere existence. The other word "zoe" means the full, abundant, spacious, open-hearted, richness of life that Jesus speaks about – a life of fulfillment and purpose. This is life in high definition. (Mush: I have a friend named Zoe - this definition has forever changed how I look at her because she definitely lives in HD.)

/2

Thankful for do-overs & the spirit of forgiveness today. And the wisdom of waiting instead of impulsiveness. Not that I have that trait locked in, yet, but with practice, I can see the difference a day or two's contemplation and rest can do. As my pastor said Sunday, let God do God. Don't try myself to do God's stuff. He's already shown me my stuff. Stick to that stuff. 🙌

/1 TWELVE WAYS TO BE USEFUL TO GOD
by Nicky Gumbel

A water-bearer in India had two large pots, both hung on the ends of a pole, which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot always arrived half full. The poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do. After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water-bearer one day by the stream: "I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you. I have been able to deliver only half of my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don’t get full value from your efforts." The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of the path, but not on the other pot’s side? That’s because I have always known about your flaw, and I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you’ve watered them. For two years, I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house."

Thankfully, God uses cracked pots! You do not need to be perfect for God to use you. We want our lives to count for something. If you want to be useful to God, here are twelve keys:

/2

I let the dogs out into the dog run today for their morning routine. I didn't know that Shirley had snuck in the dog run in between the dogs' first run out & their follow-up foray before breakfast. Auggie ran out the second time, and came face to face with Shirley in a very confined space.

Sometimes, like Shirley, we sneak into places (or sin) we have no business meddling with, only to find ourselves trapped with a *monster* God was protecting us from. But our desire outweighs the obedience to God, temptation squashes doing the *proper* thing, and we find ourselves hissing & spitting & clawing our way out of the mess.

Thankfully, Auggie was only half-heartedly trying to catch Shirley, and I was able to distract him so she could escape. But now I see how she's getting in the dog run to begin with.

Pretty sure she learned a good lesson that the dog run is not a place for cats (except when Lunchie went out to sun himself), and she shook the experience off and came back to wait for breakfast on the proper side of the barriers like Lenny.

Let's hope the lesson sticks. (BTW, preaching to myself here this morning).

P.S. I just looked at the title of today's Bible study & let out a laugh. Perfect timing, Lord.

/1

HOW TO HANDLE CONFRONTATION
by Nicky Gumbel

Confrontation is not something that I find easy. It is a delicate operation. It is crucial to find the right approach, the right words for the job. Or, to use a golfing analogy, it is like the skill of knowing which club to use. Those who are skilled at confrontation have a great variety of approaches and words, and know when and how to use the appropriate one. Confrontation is not always the right course. Not every critic has to be confronted. Not every wrong statement needs to be refuted. I greatly admire the skill of those who know when to confront and are good at confronting in a loving way. They have learned how to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15). (Mush: I have not learned to speak truth in love; I still freak out & get angry or frustrated & lash out. Hence the screaming at Auggie this morning. Too emotional.)

When confrontation is necessary, how should you go about it?

/2

Kind of hit another milestone yesterday: it was the first time I had a conversation without breaking down into tears over something.

I felt as if my out-of-control emotions had suddenly been able to apply the brakes. It didn't hurt that I was speaking to my former pastor, who would've understood my emotional state anyway, but I kept it all in check and we had a very nice state of spiritual affairs conversation.

Big bonus: he offered to come to my house to share communion with me at the beginning of next week. If I *was* going to cry, that would have been the moment. I had felt strongly about no communion lately, and this offer was an answer to prayer.

There's something beautiful about a former pastor never ceasing to be your pastor. If y'all wouldn't mind keeping him in your prayers. 🙏 He's got his own share of medical challenges and not once have I heard him complain. A model for my own recovery, to be sure.

/1 GOD WANTS TO SURPRISE YOU
by Nicky Gumbel

At the age of eighteen, I set out to read the entire New Testament in order to disprove Christianity. As I read, I was surprised to find that I became convinced that it was true. The last thing that I wanted to do was to "become a Christian." I thought that would ruin my life and make it boring by stopping me having any fun. Yet, knowing in my heart that it was true, I felt I had no option but to say "yes" to Jesus. The moment I did so– to use the words that C.S. Lewis chose to describe his own experience of encountering Jesus – I was "surprised by joy." Ever since, Jesus has never ceased to surprise me. God is the God of surprises. Jesus constantly surprised his followers, and he wants to continue to surprise you.

/2

I keep hearing people on House Hunters complaining there's too much lawn upkeep in their potential house purchases. Did it ever occur to the dads that it might be a good time to teach their kids the value of sweat equity? Or maybe even pay a local teen to come help out?

I heard a story in yesterday's sermon about a country artist saying in an interview that he still cuts his own lawn with a push mower because it's one of the few things left in his life that has an immediate reward. It might only last for a couple of days before the weeds come back, but for that time, the lawn is perfectly cut in rows, the fresh cut lawn smell surrounding him. He explained that in contrast, sometimes it takes 5 years for a song he's written to *hit*.

In a nutshell, the pastor went on to say that most everything that we Christians are to value don't bear fruit immediately. There is pruning, watering, and fertilizing to be done before something you *plant* bears fruit.

This story resonated with me because I am in a season of being pruned (letting go of things), fertilized (taught the meaning of His Word in my situation & my life in general), and watered (nourished in my season of lack).

The *bearing fruit* part, I pray, is the value of sharing the gospel with y'all and that it resonates with you so much that, in turn, you share it yourself.

It's quite the cycle in perseverance and the resulting lasting joy. Emphasis on perseverance. Anything that comes to your life seemingly overnight can disappear just as quickly.

I'm preaching to myself this morning. I needed the reminder to just keep going, keep planting...keep gardening. Metaphorically and literally.

/1 IT'S NOT OVER
by Nicky Gumbel

You could have heard a pin drop. It was mesmerizing. We were spellbound. An eighty-five-year-old man, almost totally blind, got up to speak to 1,500 people of all ages on our church holiday. He had no notes, of course, because he could no longer read. He gave two talks, each of them an hour long. In the first talk, he gave a breathtaking summary of the entire Old Testament. In the second, which was equally brilliant, he gave a summary of the whole of the New Testament. There was no hesitation, no stumbling and not a word was out of place. It was the distilled wisdom of a man who had followed the Lord wholeheartedly all his life.

Bishop Lesslie Newbigin had one of the most remarkable ministries of the twentieth century. At the age of thirty-six, he was elected as one of the first bishops of the new Church of South India. When he returned from India, later on in life, he wrote several books that aimed to help the church in the West fulfill its mission in a world that was rapidly changing and felt no need for God. His writing and speaking influenced thousands of Christian leaders around the world. Yet for this astonishing man, who had achieved so much in his life, it was not over. He entitled his autobiography *Unfinished Agenda*. For him, there was always still so much to hope for and so much more to be done.

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There's an incredible difference between panic and anxiety over a sudden catastrophic event in my life, and resting calmly and assuredly that God will get me through this current catastrophe in one piece.

After all, he's gotten me through catastrophic events before. Where does it say He will only get me through *some* things with his strength, but then leave me to my own devices in others?

In Philippians 4:13, it says,
"I can do *all* this through him who gives me strength." And I believe this wholeheartedly. It doesn't say, however, I can do all this *by myself*. God is a very important piece of the puzzle, and just like in other tumultuous times before, He will guide me through this current situation, in His strength and will and for His glory, to my benefit but also the benefit of His eternal kingdom.

He is the ultimate stress reliever.

/1 THE GRACIOUS HAND OF GOD
by Nicky Gumbel

Things happen to us. So much of life is simply the set of circumstances we find ourselves in. For example, our parents, our genetic design, the weather, much of our education, and our government are all things that we experience as "happening *to* us." In Greek grammar, these things are expressed in what we call the "*passive voice*." However, we also *make* *things happen*. When I initiate an action and do something, this is expressed in the "*active voice*." But Greek grammar also has *a third voice* – *the "middle voice*." This is neither wholly active nor wholly passive. When I use the middle voice, I am participating in the results of an action. Christian prayer is spoken in the middle voice. It cannot be in the active voice because it is not an action I control, as in the ritualistic pagan prayers where the gods do our bidding. Prayer is not in the passive voice either, in which I’m at the mercy of the will of gods and goddesses.

In Christian prayer, as Eugene Peterson puts it, "I enter into an action begun by another, my creating and saving Lord, and find myself participating in the results of his [gracious] action."

In one sense, the whole of the Christian life is prayer. We welcome God’s gracious hand in our lives, and we participate in what he is doing in the world. God involves you in his plans. Of course, he could do it all on his own, but he chooses to involve you. He gives you freedom, yet he remains in control.

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My friend is *lending* me her cleaning ladies today. Obviously, my house became a little untidy over the last 3 months, so they're giving me a jump-start towards keeping a neat and straightened house again.

But it's funny, I have a long to-do list of things to straighten or put away before they get here. Do all women do that: clean before the cleaners arrive? I feel that's a very human compulsion, kind of like repenting of some sins and bad habits, but shoving the others in the closet so the Lord won't notice. Spoiler alert: he notices *every* single thing & loves you anyway. This is kind of the point of this weekend: he died for even the sins you shove in the dark closets of your psyche, away from prying eyes, and loves you & would do it all again. Just for you. Just for me.

So, as I sit here and contemplate my pre-cleaners to-do list, I also wonder to myself: "Who do I think I'm fooling?"

/1 GOD'S STRATEGIC PLAN
by Nicky Gumbel

I live in London. With a population of over 8 million, it is one of the largest cities in the world. It usually receives over 18 million visitors a year. It is a city where over 300 languages are spoken. Cities are strategic places for the spread of the gospel. They always have been. The apostle Paul took the gospel from city to city. As early as 100 A.D., more than 40 Christian communities existed in cities across the Mediterranean world, including North Africa and parts of Italy. By 300 A.D., half the citizens of that region were Christian, while 90% of the countryside was still pagan. Most of Paul’s letters were written to cities. Cities tend to be places where culture is formed. Many of the spheres of influence emanate from the city, including government, politicians and law-makers; arts and entertainment; business and the marketplace; universities and other places of education; media and communication centers. The river of influence tends to flow from the city to the suburbs and rural areas. The way to transform a culture is to transform the city. It is not surprising, therefore, that cities have always had an important role in the purposes of God. In particular, one city has been at the heart of God’s strategy for the world.

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Good Friday. I can already feel the tears forming. One of the greatest exercises I heard from a pastor: put yourself in the shoes of someone at the crucifixion, and try to feel *their* emotions. Was it one of the Roman soldiers who wondered to himself, "what if He *WAS* the Son of God?" Or maybe Jesus' mother Mary, standing off to the side, bereft of her son, but yet still full of the hope of his promises. Or maybe it's one of his trusted disciples, perhaps filled with guilt at their own inaction, but still grappling with his assurance that He'd be back? Whichever person you identify with, dig deep today to understand why you chose that person, and what it means to your understanding of the need for a Savior today. He died for you, me, all of us. Today's the day to ponder the hard questions that lead to the best thing that ever happened to humanity: Sunday's Resurrection.

/1 IT'S NEVER TOO LATE
by Nicky Gumbel

I like to think of myself as young. Recently, I heard that middle age runs from thirty-five to fifty-eight years of age. On that basis, not only am I not *young*, I am well past even middle-aged! People often speak of being middle-aged as a time of "midlife crisis." A midlife crisis can be caused by aging itself, or aging in combination with changes, problems, or regrets over work, career, relationships, children and physical changes associated with aging. (Mush: I am here. 🔴)

Individuals experiencing a midlife crisis are often searching for an undefined dream or goal. We may have a deep sense of remorse for goals not yet accomplished. We may fear humiliation among more successful colleagues. We often desire to achieve a feeling of youthfulness. At the root of all these things is a sense of something being missing. There is often a tragic wisdom in mid-life crises as we realize the emptiness of much of what we used to strive for (even if what we replace it with is not always particularly wise). I have often wondered whether Zacchaeus, whom we read about in today’s New Testament passage, was going through a midlife crisis. Whether he was or not, he found the answer that so many people are searching for in his encounter with Jesus. No matter how long you have traveled in the wrong direction, you can always turn around. With Jesus, it’s never too late to make a new start and ensure that your life is set in the right direction.

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I share an awful lot of personal experience on here, in an effort to be *transparent* (one of God's words of the year for me recently). This has been a challenge because there are sketchy people on the web, and they're just waiting to take advantage.

On the flipside, God has asked me to trust him in *all* things (Proverbs 3:5-6, Isaiah 26:4, Psalm 55:22, Psalm 37:5, Jeremiah 17:7, to name a few verses). In fact, He says it many times in the Bible, which means it's important for me to not only understand, but to live it. I had something big I had to learn (again) to trust Him with recently. TBH, it was a relief to unburden myself from the "what if" and know that *if* something comes of it, the Lord will protect me. He may not make it go away, but He'll lead me through it. Ah, yesterday's sermon comes to fruition: things we've learned, we now have to learn again & be able to let go of the fear of the unknown, and 100% trust in God.

Okay, I'm trusting (and exhaling).

/1 HOW TO AVOID THE TITANIC MISTAKE
by Nicky Gumbel

James Cameron, director of the movie *Titanic,* describes the Titanic as a "metaphor" of life: "We are all living on… [the] Titanic." When the Titanic set sail in 1912, it was declared to be "unsinkable" because it was constructed using a new technology. The ship’s hull was divided into sixteen watertight compartments. Up to four of these compartments could be damaged or even flooded, and still the ship would float.

Tragically, the Titanic sank on April 15, 1912, at 2.20 am. 1,513 people lost their lives. At the time, it was thought that five of its watertight compartments had been ruptured in a collision with an iceberg. However, on September 1, 1985, when the wreck of the Titanic was found lying upright on the ocean floor, there was no sign of the long gash previously thought to have been ripped in the ship’s hull. What they discovered was that damage to one compartment affected all the rest. Many people make the Titanic mistake. They think they can divide their lives into different "compartments" and that what they do in one will not affect the rest. However, as Rick Warren (from whom I have taken this illustration) says, "*A life of integrity is one that is not divided into compartments.*"

David prayed for "*an undivided heart*" (Psalm 86:11). He led the people with "*integrity of heart*" (78:72). Supremely, Jesus was a "*man of integrity*" (Matthew 22:16; Mark 12:14). How can you and I avoid the Titanic mistake and live lives of integrity?

/2

Woke up to a message, inviting me over for mimosas this weekend.

*sigh*

I keep forgetting: just because the last three months have been challenging and have changed me, doesn't mean people will understand that things are different now, probably forever. For the better, too, but that will also be lost on people.

Another thing I noticed, three longtime friends have seemingly used this time as an excuse to sever our relationship, mainly because of not understanding side effects of stroke, but I suspect it was the excuse they needed because of differences in faith & politics. I'd love to be wrong, but weekly phone calls have stopped (for about a month now), and I've got to say, it seems the human condition is more fractured now than ever, and to me, this is proof.

I looked up this phenomenon of losing friends over faith & polotics, and found an encouraging blog about one woman's experience. (This will be my prayer for the next few weeks, I suspect, to grow my faith as I release my hold on the things I once knew.)
(Blog and Bible study to follow):

/1 The woman's blog:



/2 goingbyfaith.com/losing-friends…