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Paul F. Tompkins Profile picture
Paul F. Tompkins
@PFTompkins
TV & standup & improv & podcasts, hardly any movies Instagram: https://t.co/OWAlzVWjle
4 subscribers
Nov 16, 2022 • 8 tweets • 2 min read
When I worked* at Tower Video there was a TicketMaster booth in the store that we, the employees of the video store, were responsible for manning when someone wanted to buy tickets. We did not get money from Ticketmaster to do this, nor was it really in the job description? The Ticketmaster system, which included a computer database & a big folder of laminated venue seating maps, was INSCRUTABLE. An absolute labyrinth to just providing a visual representation of what the customer was asking for (ie, “May I sit in a chair in a building?”)
Oct 24, 2022 • 5 tweets • 1 min read
RIP Leslie Jordan. A few years ago I got an audition for a sitcom that would be Carol Burnet’s return to network comedy. I was beyond excited. The role was for Carol’s hat best friend and we were told he is well-dressed but NOT FLAMBOYANT. The assemblage of people at the audition was WILD. Lots of familiar faces, everyone from Jerry Minor to Paul Reubens to… Leslie Jordan. Everyone was in suit and tie.
May 25, 2022 • 9 tweets • 2 min read
Ya gotta vote folks! Want this to stop? Vote! Already voted? Keep voting! When we all vote & keep voting we’ll eventually unlock access to UltraVoting! What happens with UltraVote? Still mass slaughter every other week but coupons for a FREE medium drink with ANY mass slaughter! When has voting ever failed us? Look, if you don’t like the way things are, maybe you didn’t make a wish when you voted! Didn’t know that was part of it? YOU’RE the problem!
Jan 3, 2022 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
I just saw a commercial for Steve Harvey’s judge show and the fact that he doesn’t wear a judge robe is so curious to me Like in for a dime in for a dollar Steve
Jan 2, 2022 • 15 tweets • 3 min read
If I haven’t seen the first two Matrices since they were in theaters & never saw the third Matrix, is that an impediment to watching the new Matrix, which is a question I have an hour into watching the new Matrix
Dec 27, 2021 • 6 tweets • 2 min read
I went to Catholic school where I was told I was BORN IN MORAL DEBT TO GOD so I think it’s okay if all schoolkids learn that the people who did slavery in America were white? By all means please get in my mentions and educate me on the African slave trade and how when you think about it hardly any American white people were involved in slave trading or slave owning. Probably like 4 guys and then it was blown all out of proportion
Sep 28, 2021 • 5 tweets • 2 min read
I am putting on my first sketch show in approximately one million years.

Saturday, October 23rd at Dynasty Typewriter, come witness my contribution to the Spooky Season: THE UNCANNY HOLLOW!

Tix: bit.ly/Uncanny102321
#TheUncannyHollow STARRING:

Tim Baltz!
Shaun Diston!
Mary Holland!
Tawny Newsome!
Mary Sohn!
Me!

And featuring a live score by Jonathan Dinerstein!

Poster art by @NathanDiffee
Jul 11, 2021 • 7 tweets • 2 min read
Watching Brubaker (1980) for the first time and Brent Jennings sighting Also a 28-year old Wilford Brimley
Jan 11, 2021 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
Limiting replies is such a wormy thing for an elected official to do. I only do it because I don’t want joke punch-ups, not because people will remind me that I was implicit in mob violence & 5 deaths earlier in the week

@marcorubio Image
May 30, 2020 • 17 tweets • 3 min read
I grew up in a racially mixed neighborhood, the child of Greatest Generartion Democrat working class parents, in a Northeastern American City and guess what? I still ended up being a racist! Because that’s who was around me. IF YOU’RE WHITE PLEASE KEEP READING! I grew up occasionally enjoying/employing racial slurs in jokes. As I got older and got out in the world more I stopped doing this and became uncomfortable when anyone else did. And people sure did! When it was just me & a fellow white person.
Mar 7, 2020 • 12 tweets • 4 min read
I am rewatching Rogue One (A Story About Star Wars) and here are my stray thoughts Ben Mendelssohn & Alan Tudyk are great
Aug 13, 2019 • 28 tweets • 10 min read
Once Upon A Time... At Earwolf IMPORTANT TUGBOAT* THREAD

*my best friend
Apr 16, 2019 • 5 tweets • 2 min read
What an interesting point of view, different from my own. Perhaps and exchange of ideas would build a bridge between us. Perhaps we’ll BOTH learn something? This seems like a worthy endeavor! Free speech means not deplatforming people just because they have different political views than I do or because I just “don’t like it!” Ideas like this may not be my ideas, but people should hear them because they are ideas, and every idea is equal and good and just an opinion!
Apr 11, 2019 • 6 tweets • 1 min read
I have no idea what this movie is and I don’t want anyone to ever tell me It is with heavy heart that I announce that I have had to mute Ed Helms
Jan 3, 2019 • 7 tweets • 1 min read
Lot of experts on “trying out material” have found voice of late “I’m working on this bit where I sound like an ignorant bully BUT after I have finished the bit it will not sound like that at all, I bet. You gotta trust the process.”
Dec 31, 2018 • 6 tweets • 3 min read
“I'm saying, Come on, the global warming thing? How did the ice melt during the ice ages? Was the dinosaurs driving SUVs around back then?” “Ever since my grade school days, as I mastered the art of 'faking sick' and I stumbled across 'The View,' I've been confusedly asking myself the same question... How do these dumb broads remain gainfully employed?”
Nov 22, 2018 • 4 tweets • 2 min read
Please sign my petition to have Macy’s add a Mucinex Mucus Man balloon to their parade This guy is okay, but not a fun phlegm goblin? Come on
Nov 14, 2018 • 6 tweets • 2 min read
Holy moly, thank you to @andygordon3000 for reminding me of this little story: all the way back in the year 2000, I was a regular on an NBC sitcom called “DAG”

[applause dies down]

And on one episode, one of our guest stars was Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. D”TR”J was beginning his transition from wrestling to acting. He was definitely a wrestling STAR at this point & it was a big deal to get him for our new show. He came to the table read & met everyone beforehand & was super nice and friendly, as we all now know he is.
Nov 14, 2018 • 5 tweets • 1 min read
Jason Mantoukas is not on twitter but he IS on my last nerve for making me wait for a text back. #JasonMantzoukas It is freeing to badmouth him publicly know he can’t see this. BE CONSIDERATE, #JASONMANTZOUKAS
Oct 27, 2018 • 13 tweets • 3 min read
BASEBALL Just saw a kid on the Jumbotron doing the laziest floss I’ve ever seen #WorldSeries
Oct 23, 2018 • 53 tweets • 14 min read
I am either watching or re-watching the 1978 Halloween. I feel like I MUST have seen this but it stopped being familiar almost immediately. First surprise: how much the little boy who is bullied into destroying his own pumpkin looks like Amanda Plummer. I was gonna say the first surprise was Michael Myers being able to drive despite being institutionalized since childhood, but that seems to have been explained by the Donald Pleasence accusation “Someone around here must have given him lessons”